People/things that need Assaulted
- September 30th, 2009 12:14 pm
- The sadistic and/or masochistic son-of-a-bitch that put the television I watch while working out on the Food Network. I payed no attention what was on when I first got on the machine because I was jamming out pretty hard with my ipod. I look up from musical delight and see a cake contest. How comforting that was to a girl that loves cake but doesn’t love having a huge butt.
- The Jay Leno Show. It has REALLY messed up my tv viewing schedule, and also, it sort of stinks. Mostly I’m just upset that Law & Order SVU is on Wednesday nights at 9 instead of Tuesday nights at 10. Cry me a river, I know.
- The person that checked out a book I wanted to read from the library before me. When I finally got to it, it smelled like old cheese. What in the hell do you do to a book that makes it smell like old cheese? How strongly must your home stink like old cheese for the book to carry the scent to other places? Mysteries.
- People that treat food allergies like jokes or passing fad. Being allergic to something to the point of asphyxiation is not amusing. If you’ve never been in this position, I do see that it is hard to understand, but it still isn’t a joking matter. Additionally, it does not just “go away”. So asking someone if they “still” have a certain dangerous allergy is outrageously rude and uncouth. More on this later.
- Dishes. They won’t do themselves?
- People that never say thank you. Whether the favor is large, small, or unexpected, the nice thing is to say thank you. Thank you is two words. Two words are fairly easy to muster, particularly for people that are ALWAYS running their mouths. Thank you. Thank you. THANK YOU.
I obviously don’t think these people/things need assaulted, as assaulting people is rather harsh. Well, except for maybe the person that puts gym tvs on the Food Network…
Feel free to add your own in the comments. I’d love to know what you think needs assaulted.
September 30th, 2009 @ 12:23 pm
Yes, I agree on most of these. I’d also like to add people that are waiting for the elevator and stand RIGHT in front of the doors and then try to RUSH in before you even have a chance to get out. Do they not realize that if they let me out first, they’d have a lot more room?
Adriane´s last blog ..Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal – ECK!
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October 1st, 2009 at 5:32 pm
@Adriane,
Yes! Elevator people are THE worst.
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September 30th, 2009 @ 1:48 pm
People who pull out in front of me on the road, forcing me to slow down when clearly there is no one behind me for miles. There’s no better feeling than having my face rubbed in the fact that my safety and the safety (or life) of my children isn’t worth a mere 10 seconds of your time.
Oh yeah, and people who want to tell me how to drive. (for example riding my bumper and flashing brights on the expressway because I choose not to drive 95mph) You want to pay my car and insurance payments for me, then we’ll talk. Until then, keep your rude ass pushiness to yourself.
Wow, that felt good. I feel unexpectedly lightened. Thanks.
chasity´s last blog ..Has Anyone Seen Smoochie’s Mom?
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September 30th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
@chasity, I agree with all this too! Jerks!
Adriane´s last blog ..Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal – ECK!
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October 1st, 2009 at 5:33 pm
@chasity,
Yes! Bully drivers are horrible. When they ride my bumper, I consider just hitting the brake.
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September 30th, 2009 @ 2:09 pm
Thank You for the Thank You! Seriously…How hard is it?
MinivanSoapbox´s last blog ..I Hate It When She’s Right
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October 1st, 2009 at 5:33 pm
@MinivanSoapbox,
I know. Who knew two words could be so difficult?
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September 30th, 2009 @ 3:36 pm
OK THANK YOU!! I’m allergic to shellfish. Always have been. When I was 8 my own father thought that my mom was “making up” my allergy or was exaggerating it or something… anyways my wise jackass of a father took me to Red Lobster for dinner one weekend with his new girlfriend. I had chicken strips and still left in an ambulance. You’d think that would have taught him but he still had lobster boils and made shellfish all the time and lets be honest I only saw him every other weekend you’d think the man could have eaten ANYTHING OTHER THAN SHELLFISH FOR THE 4 days a month I saw him! NOPE!
LovingDanger´s last blog ..Sleep… but don’t worry it’s a happy post!
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October 1st, 2009 at 5:35 pm
@LovingDanger,
I’m also allergic to shellfish and a variety of other fish. Since I have no insurance I’m not currently aware of what all I’m allergic to. My allergies sort of ebb and flow. I grow more or less allergic. Anyway, I have a friend that always says snotty things like, “do you still have your fish allergy?” Um, yes I still have it. It doesn’t just go away. Ugh. I have a whole post coming up about this.
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September 30th, 2009 @ 3:54 pm
“People that treat food allergies like jokes or passing fad. ”
Grrrr. My nephew is allergic to peanuts. The majority of the family takes his allergy as seriously as it is, except for his other aunt/uncle. When he was denied a piece of a fruit & nut Easter bunny, they actually had the nerve to ask why it was “such a big deal: there aren’t THAT many peanuts in it!”
Way to try and kill your nephew, ass clowns. *head asplode*
Chibi Jeebs´s last blog ..When the Pills Are Not Enough: Session II
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October 1st, 2009 at 5:36 pm
@Chibi Jeebs,
I have a post coming up about my food and skin allergies. I hate when people treat them like they’re insignificant or jokes. Things like the peanut story in your comment really get me stabby.
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September 30th, 2009 @ 4:42 pm
I know what you mean about the allergy thing. My husband has a life-threatening allergy to peanuts and when he was a little kid his uncle gave him a peanut butter sandwich when he was babysitting him just to see “HOW allergic” he was. Hearing the story 25 years later and I’m still royally pissed at the uncle.
Shannon´s last blog ..In which I sound like a grumpy old woman
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October 1st, 2009 at 5:37 pm
@Shannon,
I was allergic to eggs as a child. One of my aunts gave me the same little “how allergic” home idiot test. I landed in the ER. Not fun.
-Amanda
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October 1st, 2009 @ 8:00 am
The Food Network thing is strange. But it happens EVERYWHERE. Surely they should play fitness DVDs or something? Or at least cooking shows dedicated to making salad.
Raz´s last blog ..The Last To Leave
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October 1st, 2009 at 5:37 pm
@Raz,
I know. I try not to even look at the tv. I mostly jam to my iPod. However, when I look up to see a gooey homemade cake, I get a little stabby.
Thanks for stopping by,
Amanda
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October 1st, 2009 @ 12:04 pm
I will add my rant to the whole allergy thing. My husband is deathly allergic to peanuts/nuts/kiwi/egg whites… (yes I know, I know, it’s ridiculous) and all his family members are aware of it (his dad is alleric too) and yet at family gatherings the aunts always put nuts into salads and desserts and such. it’s like HELLO, your BROTHER and your NEPHEW will DIE if they eat that. Does that not bother you? No? Ok.
Also, to add to the list – people who are always “oh heyyy, we should get together! I miss you! We never see each other! Let’s do something!” and then proceed to turn down every invitation to spend time together. ARGH!
That was fun.
Katie´s last blog ..To Do List.
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October 1st, 2009 at 5:39 pm
@Katie,
Oh, Katie. I agree with both of those situations. I find it really disappointing when friend pull the “we should get together” things. I find it even more off-putting when I’m the one doing all of the inviting and planning of events. If I initiate all of the hanging out, I feel as if it is a one-sided friendship.
-Amanda
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October 2nd, 2009 at 8:26 am
@Katie
I made my mom almost cry once because she accidentally used the wrong cheese and I couldn’t eat something, I told her it was not a big deal, but she felt horrible. Its not like she was just being neglectful… they changed the formula on the cheese that use to be safe.
WickedStepMom´s last blog ..There is no Santa…
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October 6th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
@WickedStepMom,
My mom tries to kill Sheldon on a regular basis. She’s is the most warm-hearted and kind person and loves Sheldon to death, she just can’t seem to remember that he’s allergic. She once gave me crap because I wasn’t sharing my Mr. Goodbar with him. She’s getting better though!
Katie´s last blog ..To Do List.
October 1st, 2009 @ 3:14 pm
When you go to the potty in the middle of the night to find out there is NO toilet paper because of the “oh-so thoughtful last pooper” who used it all up and left you hanging!!!
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October 1st, 2009 at 5:39 pm
@Mandy,
Yes!! The ultimate worst. It is the reason I currently have a 24 pack of toilet paper sitting directly beside my toilet.
-Amanda
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October 2nd, 2009 @ 8:24 am
My favorite was one someone told me that my allergies “couldn’t be so bad that food touching the offending dish would cause a problem.” Its call cross-contamination jerk! Look it up!
WickedStepMom´s last blog ..There is no Santa…
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October 2nd, 2009 @ 10:09 am
I would hae to agree on most of these, the TV schedule changes are killing me! And I believe that people who can’t grasp the concept of chewing with their mouths and lips closed should be assaulted!
Courtney´s last blog ..Sporadic
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October 2nd, 2009 @ 8:59 pm
Even for people whose allergies are not bad enough to cause anaphylaxis, it still pisses me off when I hear them say “is your son still allergic to….” or “oh I made orange juice and tomato sandwiches for the kids…what do you mean he can’t eat them?” after I’ve told them a kazillion times. I’m very lucky that his allergies aren’t that severe.
And the thank you thing? ARGH! If my kids have known to say thank you since they could talk, then YOU (well not YOU) should be able to say it!.
Thanks for this post!!
Mad Woman´s last blog ..An assault on innocence
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October 7th, 2009 @ 12:01 am
ooh that thank you thing reallllly gets me too!
i think “frenemies” should be assaulted! boo.
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October 8th, 2009 @ 7:27 am
I used to love your blog but to be honest, it’s not panty peeing funny anymore…where is my Amanda?
outofworkmama´s last blog ..People/things that need Assaulted
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October 8th, 2009 @ 2:27 pm
Um…people who leave comments telling you that you don’t make them pee their pants anymore.
Momo Fali´s last blog ..It’s a Hard Habit to Break
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