Heat Stroke: I may be raising a jerk and other nonsense
- September 23rd, 2009 6:42 pm
Our air conditioner decided that as a gift for the last days of summer, it would up and quit working. Keen, right? Given that information, you’ve probably figured out that it’s been BLAZING hot up in this bitch. I mean SCORCHING. Our house has two stories and the living space is, of course, on the top floor. HEAT STROKE.
All I can think about is that surely I am benefiting slightly from the loss of air conditioning, as the heat is hopefully melting off some of the pounds I hope to lose. It must be. I am sweating like the fat kid in your junior high gym class that struggled to do even one pull-up. Fat kid jokes aside, I’ve lost 20 lbs so far in my weight loss journey. Journey? That sounds so stupid. I’m NOT trekking across the arctic. I’m reducing the size of my ass. I’ll just call it a weight loss event. I want to blog about it more, but I’m not sure if here is the place. I may start a subdomain for people that are actually concerned with weight loss. I may even measure and track the loss on my extremities. How hot!
(You do know that my use of an exclamation point generally hints toward sarcasm?)
In more interesting news, I may be raising an asshole. Not intentionally, of course. But sometimes Allie says things and I’m not sure if I should smile or decapitate one of her Barbies. For example, a random child at the park the other day started taunting her when she was too scared to slide down the fireman’s pole.
Random child after laughing at her for being scared: Maybe you can do it when you turn five like me! I’m five and I ain’t scareda nothin’.
Allie: You should be scared of saying the word ain’t. *then runs off with a sneer*
She is proving to be outrageously entertaining and makes a great companion. I would just as soon hang out with her as most people. I had something to say here about the jerk remarks people without children unintentionally make about Allie to me sometimes, but I think that’s probably best reserved for a WHOLE blog post filled with them. I’ll add that to my stack of serious posts that are half written in the draft section. That said, if I was as awesome at finishing projects as I am at coming up with ideas, I would be rolling deep.
As for fun things I’ve featured for work, check out the Skeleton Tie for Dad (or anyone.) Adam should be home with the Japanese take out any minute now. I’m excited.
PS. If I ever mention something about suspecting I have ADD, please point me toward this post as an example.
September 23rd, 2009 @ 6:56 pm
I’d be proud to call her my daughter. She’s not an asshole, she’s outwitting a 5 year old in grammar. The 5 year old is the asshole. My boys would have corrected their grammar and then added on “motherfucker” to drive the point home and STILL, I wouldn’t call that assholery. I’d fist bump them for being rad.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE start a separate blog detailing what you eat, your workout regime with daily profile photos and call it something clever like BIG BOOTY HO’s NO MO’s. I’d read that shit. (But seriously, congrats on the ass reduction. That takes discipline. Something I don’t have.)
Undomestic Diva´s last blog ..Clearly, I need to get lei’d
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October 1st, 2009 at 5:41 pm
@Undomestic Diva,
I could never do the daily profile photos. I find them REALLY discouraging. I couldn’t even stand doing the pregnancy progression of the belly photos. I felt like an idiot.
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September 23rd, 2009 @ 7:23 pm
Is it wrong that I want to TEACH my kid to be an asshole? I mean so long as he isn’t one to me.
Congrats on the weight loss so far!
Jen´s last blog ..If I thought I could get away with it…
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October 1st, 2009 at 5:41 pm
@Jen,
Thank you. I don’t think it’s wrong to teach your child to be an asshole. I think I inadvertently teach my daughter all of the time. haha.
-Amanda
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September 23rd, 2009 @ 10:23 pm
Your kid is amazing!
Congrats on the weight loss.
Kel´s last blog ..P!nk
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October 1st, 2009 at 5:42 pm
@Kel,
Thank you!
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September 23rd, 2009 @ 11:46 pm
Bahahaha “I am sweating like the fat kid in your junior high gym class that struggled to do even one pull-up”.
Holy moly, woman. 20 lbs is freakin’ fantastic progress!
Back in the day I started my side blog for my weight loss but between writing my blog and that blog, I stopped having time to work out and started gaining weight heh. Anyway, it’s an awesome idea if you’ve got the time and passion – I’m for sure down with reading it and getting some inspiration to get back on the health kick.
Huckdoll´s last blog ..i will always remember the day my heart totally exploded
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October 1st, 2009 at 5:44 pm
@Huckdoll,
Thank you. I’m not really sure if I have the time or passion for it. I just know that I’ll be more accountable about it if I I blog it.Which is strange, I know.
-Amanda
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September 24th, 2009 @ 12:23 am
ooo a side blog. I think that’s a fantastic idea! I would read it. And heck, I should start one too. I feel…odd… when I go to write about it on my normal blog. Because I don’t think that people who don’t want to lose weight want to read about other people losing weight. Not that anyone is reading my blog so who really cares anyways, and it’s my blog and I can write what I want and who..cares…*loses train of thought…* Is there really people in the world who DON’T want to lose weight? I mean, I know tons of skinny people who are like, “ooo i sooo need to lose 1/2 a pound.” Makes me want to kill them.
There is something about your blog that makes me write a novel-length comment every time. it’s not my fault I swear.
Katie´s last blog ..Rolling the ball, trying to spell, and no I’m not on drugs. Yet.
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October 1st, 2009 at 5:44 pm
@Katie,
Thank you. I always appreciate novel-length comments.
-Amanda
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September 24th, 2009 @ 8:43 am
My AC has been having trouble all summer, and going two or three days without it here in Florida is fucking miserable. I think I may have literally sweated my balls off. Seriously. Where are they?
Avitable´s last blog ..Bearded Adam vs. Beardless Adam
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October 1st, 2009 at 5:45 pm
@Avitable,
I would check the glove box of your car. I hear balls hide out there rather frequently.
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September 24th, 2009 @ 8:43 am
A young, witty grammarian? Your kid rocks! She was being taunted so she responded with her tool set. I love it.
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October 1st, 2009 at 5:45 pm
@anna,
I know! She’s pretty awesome.
Thanks for stopping by,
Amanda
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September 24th, 2009 @ 11:28 am
Gotta love kids! I am definitely raising a jerk, he is 1 going on 21 but I love him and he makes me laugh!
Dang I wish the sweat from the hell I live in (arizona) would melt of some pounds for me but instead I think it is making me retain water..I feel like spongebob.
Jen Romero´s last blog ..It’s Thursday and I’m out of butter!
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October 1st, 2009 at 5:46 pm
@Jen Romero,
Oh, Jen. I retain water like no other. I can look at my fingers on any given day and judge my salt intake for the day. haha.
-Amanda
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September 25th, 2009 @ 7:27 am
ADD? You think you have ADD? Listen, girl, you — Oh look! Something Shiny!
lceel´s last blog ..Haiku Friday – Chocolate
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September 25th, 2009 @ 2:17 pm
Well, she was right about the use of ain’t.
Lisa´s last blog ..Jill
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September 25th, 2009 @ 5:16 pm
Love this! Allie reminds me a lot of Giggles. Now as a teen we aren’t worried much because she doesn’t take shit from anyone.
Heather´s last blog ..There once was a Party…
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October 1st, 2009 at 5:47 pm
@Heather,
We’re the same with Allie. I know one day she’ll be able to handle other people. haha
-Amanda
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September 27th, 2009 @ 10:38 am
Congratulations on the weight loss to date!
The more cynical, grammar-nazi, sarcastic and witty your daughter can be, the better. I’d say it was a sign of good parenting.
Raz´s last blog ..The Waiting Game
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September 29th, 2009 @ 1:59 pm
If my daughter said that, I’d know I was raising her right. I’d much rather my kid say something smart (and true! AIN’T AIN’T A WORD, says my 3rd grade teacher Miss Philbin), than just hit the other kid or burst into tears.
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