Reasons My Child Will Need Therapy
- February 20th, 2009 2:18 am
There are all sorts of bonuses to being a parent. One of my favorites is playing mind games with Allie. I realize that probably sounds sort of mean if you aren’t a parent, but I’m telling you: After a day of her breaking nearly everything she touches and melting down at the drop of a hat, a mind game or two is like a breath of fresh air.
Like today, when Adam, out of nowhere, began accusing Allie of not being a human, but of actually being a doll instead. In typical redhead fashion, she cursed the moon and the stars due to the accusation. Seeing the gemstone of a reaction she gave in response, we sort of ran with it.
“You have doll skin, Allie. It’s soft and plasticky like your doll Gary’s skin.”
“IS NOT!” she said wide-eyed, I could see the gears churning in her mind. Was she a doll?
“I think you might really be a doll, Allie.” I agreed with her Dad.
“I AM NOT A DOLL!” She said, clearly losing her shit and pondering the idea of divorcing her parents at the age of three.
Then, making matters more enjoyable, Allie decides to prove her point:
“DO YOU SEE MY HAIR? This is real hair, mommy! This is not plastic hair like what is on Gary’s head. My.Hair. Is. REAL!”
“Hmm,” Adam replied, touching her hair,”Well, some of your dolls have hair like yours. It could be doll hair.”
“GUYS! This isn’t funny.” She stomped around for a minutes. Finally, “PINCH MY SKIN!” she yelled, ” My skin is real!! It isn’t like doll skin. PINCH IT!”
I test her skin, assuring her that it does seem to feel like human skin. But you can never be too sure, she might still be a doll.
“Are you sure you aren’t a doll?” Adam asked.
“Oh my gosh, dad. I’m a HUUUUUMAN!” It was then that she threw her body onto the carpet. We had clearly exhausted her patience.
“Listen guys,” she says, “just try to pull my head off. Dolls heads come off. My head doesn’t come off. It stays on. I’m not a doll.”
Adam fell into the floor laughing. I laughed so hard that I couldn’t breathe. She was so serious about wanting us to attempt to pull her head off in the quest to prove that she was human and not a doll.
“Okay, I believe you.” I finally say. I kind of felt sorry for the kid. Her father is laying on the living room floor in hysterics, and I had played right along. But really, there is something nearly priceless about the look of frustration on her face sometimes.
Later, long after it was settled that she was human, when she woke up in the night, I went in to check on her.
“Are you okay, Allie?” I asked. She had called out.
“Yes,” she sighed, rubbing her sleepy eyes “But don’t ever tell me I’m a doll again.”
February 20th, 2009 @ 2:35 am
I <3 your posts! I always get such a kick out of them!
Jacklyns last blog post..Progress!
[Reply]
February 20th, 2009 @ 3:14 am
Beautiful!
[Reply]
February 20th, 2009 @ 4:05 am
Thank you for the early morning laugh; that was hilarious! and don’t worry about her needing therapy, my dad used to do stuff like that to me (and worse) all the time and I absolutely adored it.
[Reply]
February 20th, 2009 @ 6:13 am
Great!! Iam a mother of 5 grown children and this was just priceless!!!!!
[Reply]
February 20th, 2009 @ 6:59 am
Oh Yea, messing with my kids is my favorite past time as well. Great post!
Mrs. Schmittys last blog post..Just Ignore Those Subliminal Messages
[Reply]
February 20th, 2009 @ 7:37 am
You are right, she is going to need therapy or martini’s. Either way… it should be interesting.
I love the fact that she came up with the idea of pulling her head off. That is priceless.
[Reply]
February 20th, 2009 @ 7:45 am
oh man that is funny. we’ve done the same thing with my daughter, be we always tell her she’s a horse. hee hee hee….
[Reply]
February 20th, 2009 @ 8:25 am
That was the funniest blog that I have read in a long time. I was laughing so hard tears rolled down my face. You just made it hard for me to keep up with my cranky attitude today. Thanks a lot!
Dinas last blog post..Once apon a time….
[Reply]
February 20th, 2009 @ 8:37 am
That was great – being a redhead myself I can totally see the look on her face. Messing with kids minds is fun
Jens last blog post..I am absolutely not being political here.
[Reply]
February 20th, 2009 @ 8:56 am
That is hilarious.. Sounds like something my husband and I would do!
Francess last blog post..Change..
[Reply]
February 20th, 2009 @ 9:03 am
Those kinds of conversations happen on a daily basis at my house. My husband is usually the instigator and my kids have learned to just put up with him trying to convince them that the ceiling is the floor or that it is night when it is day etc. etc. ETC. On the upside, despite the frustration, I think it teaches them a valuable lesson that they can’t always trust adults to tell them the truth. They know their dad is joking but I think it’s important to teach them to think critically about everything that people, even those in authority, tell them. And the fact that they pretty much go batshit crazy sometimes shrieking at their father’s idiocy is just a plus.
[Reply]
February 20th, 2009 @ 9:10 am
I LOVE arguing with Alexis. It’s hysterical watching kids try to figure out how to convince you that they are right. LOVE IT.
Burgh Babys last blog post..Subliminal Messages? Where?
[Reply]
February 20th, 2009 @ 9:36 am
I’m just a mom to furbabies that meow, but my oldest nephew would probably tell you that I’m just plain evil because when he was a kid I would feed him any line of s*&t just to get a rise out of him.
Raenells last blog post..Flashing
[Reply]
February 20th, 2009 @ 10:05 am
Some people save for their kid’s college education, you guys save for your kid’s therapy bills. hee hee.
Jennifers last blog post..Monday Bullet Points- Non-working type
[Reply]
February 20th, 2009 @ 12:35 pm
Hilarious post!! Eh, she’ll be ok. My uncles used to do stuff like that to me all the time, and I turned out ok. Oh wait, I do have my therapist on speed dial. Nevermind.
[Reply]
February 20th, 2009 @ 2:23 pm
HAHAHAHHAHA!!!! Thank you for the inspirational parenting advice! FINALLY, something that i can use in my everyday life. That was an awesome post! From my own childhood, I can attest that “That which does not severely emotional scar us only makes us stronger.” Nice work, my friend.
MoxieMamas last blog post..New Weekly Feature: Retro Gag!
[Reply]
February 20th, 2009 @ 3:48 pm
I was ROFLMAO reading this. My husband and I used to “talk” to each other in nannoo nannoo (our outerspace language) and convinced our kids that we were aliens who had taken over their parents’ bodies. OMG. The things we do to our children. LOL
Roxannes last blog post..We Are Having a BLAST
[Reply]
February 20th, 2009 @ 4:08 pm
Start the fund now.
[Reply]
February 20th, 2009 @ 4:11 pm
Priceless!
[Reply]
February 20th, 2009 @ 5:40 pm
AHAHAHA… I think that’s the best part of having kids.
Lynettes last blog post..There oughta be rules
[Reply]
February 20th, 2009 @ 7:54 pm
I’m this –> | <– close to convincing Claire that she’ll be a pizza when she grows up.
[Reply]
February 20th, 2009 @ 8:08 pm
Mainly, I love that your child has a doll named Gary.
Rhis last blog post..Friday Bullets: Falling Apart Edition
[Reply]
February 20th, 2009 @ 9:14 pm
Thank you!!! That was the BEST laugh I have had in a long time!!! We, as parents, are just as twisted as you two are. I love it!!!
[Reply]
February 20th, 2009 @ 10:33 pm
There’s a girl at my church who is about the same age as Allie. Every day, at the end of the service, she runs out of the children’s church with her hands covered in blue marker.
I always tell her that it means she is turning into a Smurf.
I don’t think she even knows what Smurfs are. But it drives her nuts every Sunday, as she tries to convince me that she is NOT a smurf.
Melindas last blog post..almost subbing, almost writing?
[Reply]
February 20th, 2009 @ 11:48 pm
Love it!!
Kels last blog post..Rat-a-tat, tat, tat
[Reply]
February 21st, 2009 @ 1:14 am
I love evil mommy…evil mommy needs to come out and play more often!
Anissa@hope4peytons last blog post..2009 Resolution: Be Less Stressful…FAIL
[Reply]
February 21st, 2009 @ 9:50 am
Ha! We play mind games with our four year old (just turned four in January). Okay, I play mind games with all six of them. I can’t help it..it just seems so normal. I love that she woke up in the middle of the night still not wanting you to tell her that she’s a doll. LOL So now what will happen when someone says, “Oh…what a little doll?” If that happens, please update!
Renes last blog post..Let’s Be Friends!
[Reply]
February 21st, 2009 @ 12:54 pm
ALL kinds of awesome.
Rees last blog post..Or I need to call The Ghostbusters.
[Reply]
February 21st, 2009 @ 12:54 pm
She’s not a doll, she’s a genius!!!
Miss Ashs last blog post..Patterns of a Mid Life Crisis
[Reply]
February 22nd, 2009 @ 9:55 am
I had to get back on here and let hubby read this post. It’s hilarious!!!
[Reply]
February 22nd, 2009 @ 12:40 pm
Oh lordie. We do stuff kinda like that all the time, but boys just wouldn’t care if you said they were dolls.
Colleen – Mommy Always Winss last blog post..Weekly Winners – February 15-21, 2009
[Reply]
February 22nd, 2009 @ 10:03 pm
LMAO! What good are kids if you can’t torture them??! Funny post!
Gibbys last blog post..Friday Foto
[Reply]
February 23rd, 2009 @ 8:56 am
I was dying laughing reading this!!!
…as a therapist.. I assure you.. this incident alone won’t scar her for life. However… I’ll leave you my card in case this fun is too hard to resist!
Mellys last blog post..Beans and Blunders
[Reply]
February 23rd, 2009 @ 5:59 pm
Oh, that was awesome! I literally laughed out loud — thanks for that.
Chibi Jeebss last blog post..Meme Monday – the couples’ edition
[Reply]
April 7th, 2009 @ 6:42 pm
Hilarious!:-D that’s the beauty of having a kid in the house. You need no movies to entertain you.
I love your kid. She’s intelligent.
midass last blog post..Is exercise part of the weekly activities of your family?
[Reply]