Poop Chills
- August 28th, 2008 2:06 pm
‘Where is the paper? Did you check the mail today?’ my husband asked in a rather antsy manner.
‘I don’t remember,’ I replied, scratching my head because I really didn’t remember. Had I checked it? If I did check the mail, where did I put it?
He asked again, looking a bit more frazzled.
‘I’ll look for it. Why do you look like you’re about to freak out? There’s a vein bulging in your forehead and everything. You need to take a chill pill.’
‘I really have to go.’
‘Have to go where,’ I asked.
‘I have TO GO.’
‘To go where,’ I asked again, teasing.
‘TO THE BATHROOM, I really have to poop.’
‘Then you should probably go to the bathroom,’ I replied, shaking my head and continuing to wonder if I had checked the mail or not. I’m sort of absentminded these days. If I had checked it, I probably sat it on top of my car and drove off with it flapping and flying off into the road. Some homeless man was probably filling out one of the credit card applications mailed to us as the very conversation happened.
‘I can’t go to the bathroom without reading material,’ he said very seriously.
‘You can’t go? You say that as if you become automatically constipated without new reading material. Does your poop system just shut down if you don’t have today’s copy of the paper? Have you been afflicted with this non-pooping disease your whole life?’
‘AMANDA, I am getting poop chills!’
‘TMI, mister. T-M-I.’
He shoots a dirty look at me, and I am starting to believe that he really does have poop chills (the tiny goose bumps that develop on your skin when you are on the verge of going).
‘You know,’ I started, ‘I think the paper is outside on the floorboard of my car.’
‘Will you please go get it for me,’ he asked, the need appeared to be rather urgent.
I agreed, ‘Yes, I’ll go get it. Only if it will appease your digestive system.’
‘Please tell me that you aren’t going to tell this to the internet,’ he requested.
‘Oh, I would never do such a thing, but I do believe the internet will be quite compassionate about poop chills.’
August 28th, 2008 @ 2:13 pm
If compassionate = laughing hysterically then I am TOTALLY compassionate!
Sarahs last blog post..stream of unconsciousness 4
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August 28th, 2008 @ 2:14 pm
this is why it’s nice to have internet access on your phone: you never run out of things to read
ethans last blog post..Selective Perception
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August 28th, 2008 @ 2:14 pm
Oh, poor boy. We always keep a stack of magazines in the bathroom just for that reason.
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August 28th, 2008 @ 2:16 pm
You are a bad, bad girl! But this scene has been played over and over again in my house, only it isn’t the paper it is whatever book you happen to be reading at the time. So funny!
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August 28th, 2008 @ 2:17 pm
He has poop chills and now I have gag reflex. Gee, thanks.
Undomestic Divas last blog post..Mini Bitch Fest. Join me. It’s free!
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August 28th, 2008 @ 2:18 pm
Bwahahaha. That is hilarious! I know the feeling though. I get the chills too. And I have been know to make a mad dash for some sort of reading material before I get in the bath room!
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August 28th, 2008 @ 2:22 pm
my husband is the same way. why can’t they just get in, go and be done with it? Why does it have to take reading war and peace? doesn’t their ass get tired?
nikkis last blog post..The Strange Man
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August 28th, 2008 @ 2:23 pm
It’s a guy thing that you women will never understand. We could spend more time racing around the house looking for the “right thing” to read, than it would take just to poop. Don’t fight it, learn to live with, like we have…lol
JayHMTs last blog post..Parting is a Bitch
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August 28th, 2008 @ 2:25 pm
I don’t understand why men do this… I prefer to get in and get out before some impatient child storms in and demands to know where the remote is. Yet my husband will read the first 3 chapters of Harry Potter “Deathly Hallows” before he comes out of the bathroom. I think I’ve figured it out- it’s their way of hiding out from the chaos that comes from having kids… it’s the one place they know we won’t dare interrupt them.
Sammanthias last blog post..Is This “As Good As It Gets”?
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August 28th, 2008 @ 2:25 pm
It has never once occured to me to have reading material in the bathroom. Never. I think I must be totally abnormal, and then think that the fact that I am actually THINKING about this and pondering it does, in fact, make me abnormal. Hm. Oh well.
Koris last blog post..There Will Be Time…
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August 28th, 2008 @ 2:27 pm
Ahh! This is so, so funny! When I saw the title on Twitter, I knew I had to immediately click over. I’ve never heard this term but I LOVE it and will immediately start using it!
My husband (who is similarly afflicted) has been looking for the new Wired magazine for weeks now. I told him it never arrived. He emailed them and they are sending another copy.
And then I found this “lost” Wired magazine under a bunch of dirty clothes in my closet.
Agh, the inhumanity!
Elizabeth Channels last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
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August 28th, 2008 @ 2:29 pm
Writer Dad says, “I’m getting a turtle.”
Writer Dads last blog post..No, No, No! I said, “I Didn’t Want to be a Chooch.”
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August 28th, 2008 @ 2:29 pm
Has to be New Scientist magazine in our house. We keep a stack on the dresser that’s on the way to our bathroom, though I recently discovered he’s been hiding Harry Potter in a drawer in the vanity. Tell him to plan ahead next time!
clumberkims last blog post..da da da…da da da
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August 28th, 2008 @ 2:30 pm
In my house they’re called the sh*t-shivers
Jason – GorillaSushis last blog post..Mini Skirt Caption Contest
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August 28th, 2008 @ 2:34 pm
Jason,
I will share that with Adam. I’m sure it will become a regular term in our household.
-Amanda
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August 28th, 2008 @ 2:35 pm
That is funny…I’m giggling out loud and everyone at work is asking “what’s so funny?” All I can muster is Poop Chills….:) hehehe
~K
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August 28th, 2008 @ 2:35 pm
Poop chills? Never had them. Never head of them. Nope. Never. Cause I don’t poop.
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August 28th, 2008 @ 2:38 pm
I believe that Reader’s Digest was created expressly for bathroom reading.
witchypoos last blog post..We Have Comments
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August 28th, 2008 @ 2:41 pm
I’m with your husband on this one. If I don’t have a fascinating piece of literature to read whist I’m pooping, suddenly my world goes gray…or brown? TMI?
hippo brigades last blog post..Rats!
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August 28th, 2008 @ 2:43 pm
This was honestly the funniest thing I’ve read all day. Thanks for making me laugh aloud!
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August 28th, 2008 @ 2:43 pm
poop chills? shit shivers?
i’m always the last to know. seriously.
alis last blog post..things that only happen to me. also? why i download
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August 28th, 2008 @ 2:44 pm
I have never heard this temr before! piss shivers..sure. But poop chills? Its like a whole new world of potty vernacular for me!
bekahs last blog post..Big Changes Here at Country Mouse
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August 28th, 2008 @ 2:47 pm
I’ve never heard of poop chills! My feet start hurting when I have to poop really badly. I wonder what is weirder?
Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for childrens last blog post..GoNads
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August 28th, 2008 @ 2:48 pm
OH
MY
GOD.
poop chills! THAT’S what they’re called!!!
ms. changes pants while drivings last blog post..do IIII know anything about face sheets?
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August 28th, 2008 @ 2:55 pm
The bathroom is not a place for relaxing and reading. In-and-out!
Do your business and get out of there.
morethananelectricians last blog post..Tabular Stats
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August 28th, 2008 @ 3:03 pm
Just yesterday my husband was asking why I keep a pile of books in the bathroom all the time. Duh, right?
Elizabeths last blog post..My crappy neighbor (no, really!)
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August 28th, 2008 @ 3:06 pm
Ha ha! Funny. My husnad like his Victoria Secret catalogue in the bathroom. Then I usually don’t want it back.
lisas last blog post..They Say Apple Doesn’t Fall Far From The…..
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August 28th, 2008 @ 3:14 pm
Okay, I know I am simple but “To go where?” had me laughing really hard.
In my house full of women, it is the only place that Bear can go to get any peace and quiet from PMS and girly glitter of doom! So, he will spend as much time as possible!
WickedStepMoms last blog post..Focus Pride
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August 28th, 2008 @ 3:21 pm
There is a man who needs to learn the value of man kegels. Tighten up that sphincter, boy!
lceels last blog post..Wordy Wednesday – Tribute – One Week Gone
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August 28th, 2008 @ 3:22 pm
Please let him know I’m laughing WITH him not AT him!
Kathryns last blog post..WW- The Last of Summer
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August 28th, 2008 @ 3:25 pm
So uh, I’m totally getting what your hubs is saying. It doesn’t have to be the paper though anything will do.
My hubby doesn’t get it.
I tell him he’s probably the only man that doesn’t.
And yes we’ve had several conversations on the subject. Probably a sign we’ve been married too long
WMs last blog post..Signs my children watch too much tv when I’m not around
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August 28th, 2008 @ 3:52 pm
I think my comment yesterday was headed in the right direction…I know you said ABSOLUTELY not BUT…with your daughter being obsessed with “pregnant” and you being so absentminded that you can’t remember if you checked the mail or not…:)
JUST MESSIN WITH YOU!!!!
Heathers last blog post..On The Road To Mammoth – A Quest for the Perfect Campsite
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August 28th, 2008 @ 4:00 pm
I’m not going to lie….
I have the exact same problem…
(So I keep LOTS of magazines on the back of the “throne”…)
Jackies last blog post..Don’t Put a Cork in it!!!
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August 28th, 2008 @ 5:34 pm
That’s funny !
Jenns last blog post..Shows You Don’t Tell People You Watch !
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August 28th, 2008 @ 6:00 pm
If you can’t be compassionate about poop chills, what can you be compassionate about?
My activity of choice is word puzzles. Just thought you should know.
iPosts last blog post..Pottery Barn Teen Beach Pics. Sort of.
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August 28th, 2008 @ 6:13 pm
poop chills!!
MAN! Im laughing my ass off over here
Corals last blog post..
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August 28th, 2008 @ 6:15 pm
What is it with men and reading on the toilet? It grosses me out. Isn’t reading on the couch more comfortable? On the love seat? I absolutely don’t get it.
It would fit in well, however, with the gender gap, sex talks we’ve been having all week on my site. I should have had you guest post!
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August 28th, 2008 @ 6:59 pm
We use the term poop chills as well as poopy cramps.
We have a basket of reading material in each bathroom. Even the kids need books to get their business done. For the record, my husband’s legs have literally fallen asleep from being on the throne too long.
Ashlie – MommyCosms last blog post..The Total Transformation Program
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August 28th, 2008 @ 7:22 pm
HAHAHAHAHA! Poop chills. I can’t wait to see the Google hits you get from this post
hehe
Why are boys so WEIRD about needing something to do in the bathroom other than… well, going to the bathroom? I just like to get in, do my business, and get out.
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August 28th, 2008 @ 8:11 pm
He he!!! Poop chills!! My husband will get a great kick out of this one!!!
Amys last blog post..Officially 4
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August 28th, 2008 @ 8:36 pm
Here I am. Not laughing. Totally compassionate. I swear it.
I am also a liar.
Anissa@Hope4Peytons last blog post..Playing Their Reindeer Games
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August 28th, 2008 @ 8:41 pm
that’s hilarious!
but he needs to invest in the Great American Bathroom Book to be a back-up in case he doesn’t have the paper, or has an unscheduled poop prior to paper delivery/retrieval.
Colleen-Wineplzs last blog post..Just Breathe
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August 28th, 2008 @ 8:42 pm
You are so, so bad!!
My ex-husband had to take off his shirt, watch and rings when he pooped. Something about an accident he had when he was younger. Bizarre.
Reading material? Normal.
Jennis last blog post..The Obligatory Birthday Post
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August 28th, 2008 @ 8:42 pm
Haha, that is so cute. I am sorry though, when I have to go I have to go and there will be no waiting for reading material. I can’t believe he even waited to the point of poop chills. He needs to stock up on some material for the bathroom.
Jenns last blog post..So yeah, I suck.
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August 28th, 2008 @ 9:04 pm
Oh oh. I think Adam’s going to be pissy at you for that one. I’ve never heard of poop chills.
Anglophile Football Fanatics last blog post..Herr Construction Worker
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August 28th, 2008 @ 9:06 pm
Hey A? When’s the Carl post coming? I wanted to make sure to shout it out for you. And, were you on Twitter & not Plurk?
Anglophile Football Fanatics last blog post..Herr Construction Worker
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August 28th, 2008 @ 9:07 pm
OMG.
You may not want to tell your hubby what my hubby installed in the toilet room…a TV. He is never without entertainment. I know! I know! It’s like he never has to leave that room.
texasholly @ June Cleaver Nirvanas last blog post..Why Holly’s Dentist is better than your Dentist
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August 28th, 2008 @ 9:15 pm
This post had me giggling hysterically, then I made my husband read it.
Lindys last blog post..Getting Dizzy Wit It
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August 28th, 2008 @ 9:21 pm
Sorry, no compassion here. My hubs needs reading material too and it drives me crazy. He’ll pull into a 7-11 for the paper and I roll my eyes. I just know he’ll be in the loo forever reading cover to cover. It’s just his way of locking the kids out! LOL
Mrs. Schmittys last blog post..Who Wants To Lose Some Weight?
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August 28th, 2008 @ 9:45 pm
I usually look for something to take into the bathroom but asking someone to go and get the paper out of their car?
above average joes last blog post..Day One
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August 28th, 2008 @ 9:51 pm
Poop chills–that is awesome.
You husband. My husband. One in the same.
His favorite line . . . I’m prairie dogging it. Oh boy.
Oh, and tell him there is TONS of compassion out here. LOADS (pun intended . . . )
LaskiGals last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: I apologize . . .
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August 28th, 2008 @ 10:27 pm
OMG that is the funniest thing I have read in a long time!!! If I ever have anything that I “want or need” him to read I put it in the bathroom!!!!!
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August 28th, 2008 @ 10:34 pm
LMAO!!!! So Funny!!!!
To this day, the smell of newspaper causes me to associate it with poop. Every morning my dad would exit the bathroom with the morning edition, fan on, and smell of you-know-what infecting the hallway.
Texan Mamas last blog post..Stuff I STILL don’t get
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August 28th, 2008 @ 10:35 pm
Too freakin funny.
Give him advice for me will ya??
Cell phones. I got this cool little poker game on mine. It’s great for those emergency situations when I have no reading material.
He’ll thank me later….
By the way, your new Platinum Visa Card should be arriving on my doorstep in 7-10 business days.
Thanks a lot!
Slicks last blog post..Bedtime For The Children….
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August 28th, 2008 @ 10:41 pm
Poop chills. Huh, a new term. I like it. It fits. It one of those things we all get at some point and never talk about it.
I usually have to have reading material too. It just improves the process. hehe
Rheas last blog post..Grand Master D
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August 28th, 2008 @ 11:05 pm
Too funny! My SO always gets the look then asks in a tentative voice, “are you going to blog this?” I always answer, “it’s too good not to blog”
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August 28th, 2008 @ 11:23 pm
My hubby stays on the pot so long his feet fall asleep… I just don’t understand, why whallow in your own stench?
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August 28th, 2008 @ 11:32 pm
D’ya know that’s probably the best blog post you could ever read the first time you visit somebody’s site. I was half way through and hit the RSS button on FireFox.
Awesome
Melissas last blog post..I know what Primark will stock next month!
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August 28th, 2008 @ 11:56 pm
Sounds like something my husband would say. Although he doesn’t have to have reading material. Thanks the Lord, because we don’t get the paper.
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August 29th, 2008 @ 1:57 am
I really will only take a book into the bathroom if I know that I’m going to be in there for a loooong time. And it’s a can’t-put-it-down book.
More important is that I want to say thank you for being a bit of an evil wife
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August 29th, 2008 @ 3:38 am
I’m not sure I know what poop chills are.
What is it about men taking so long in the bathroom? My husband is fascinated and impressed with how quickly I poop.
dysfunctional moms last blog post..Thursday Thirteen
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August 29th, 2008 @ 9:18 am
Okay, I just sent this to my cousin who spends a minimum of 30 minutes on the throne with reading material. Oh my gosh! LOL Also, my friend wants to subscribe to your blog…she has to use quota time at work so it would be great for it to come through email. Anyway, I came here looking for your little email subscribe thingy and I can’t find it. Am I an idiot? (please lie)
Renes last blog post..Entrecarding…
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August 29th, 2008 @ 9:35 am
Hee hee….Poor hubby. I’m that way. I have to read SOMETHING in the bathroom. Whether it’s my latest book, shampoo bottles, newspaper, Playboy….flyers…anything. LOL
We have Poop chills, and pee chills.
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August 29th, 2008 @ 11:01 am
OMG! funny and I feel bad for the poor pooper!
http://adventuregirlwannabee.blogspot.com/
Heidi Cs last blog post..Oh yea, I want a Vintage Vespa as well………
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August 29th, 2008 @ 11:27 am
Oh, cruel, CRUEL, Amanda! Never come between someone and their desperate need to poop! It can’t end badly for you and him both!
Poor Husband. I am compassionate. It seems my entire family randomly developed IBS…at least you don’t get Poop Text from your sisters at least once or twice a week.
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August 29th, 2008 @ 11:27 am
That is so stinkin’ funny! (Ha! Pun!) He was HOLDING IT IN until he got reading material. That’s hilarious!
Jennifer @ The Cubicle’s Backporchs last blog post..Protected: The College Years Series. Part 2
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August 29th, 2008 @ 12:24 pm
TOO FUNNY! Someone else mentioned how many hits google would get with “poop chills” so I actually did it and it’s actually in the urban dictionary. LOL
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=poop+chills
Jennys last blog post..Buddies. . .
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August 29th, 2008 @ 12:55 pm
hahaha.. that is too funny.. and here I thought I was the only one to hold out on the reading material during a poop emergency..
Kims last blog post..Nie Nie Day is Here.
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August 29th, 2008 @ 6:05 pm
WHAT IS IT WITH THE ‘READING MATERIAL THING???’ Mine does the same thing. It’s as if just sitting there in peace and quiet with nothing to do just might kill them!!!
Honestly, I leave EVERYTHING outside and lock my bathroom door, if even just to pee. I have enough going through my own head to keep me entertained for HOURS!
Your husband is not alone. We should form a support group.
Leann I Ams last blog post..(Almost) Finished Hat and Last Night’s Dinner
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August 29th, 2008 @ 7:51 pm
Poop chills?! I love it! Glad I found your blog.
Mom/Mums last blog post..Birds n Bees
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August 29th, 2008 @ 7:58 pm
I’m showing my compassion by giggling hysterically and sharing this post with everyone I know.
Then I’m going to tell Hotty Hubby that he’s not alone. He’ll like that.
MadWomanMegs last blog post..Foto Friday
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August 30th, 2008 @ 1:42 am
At my house we talk about poop WAY too much. My husband has txt, emails and vivid conversations about his and others poop. Have you watched the south park episode “more crap’? Perfect for this Poop Post.
tmi–i love to read US weekly or suduko in the powder room.
Mrs. Kittys last blog post..The Ordeal: Part 2
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August 30th, 2008 @ 5:12 am
OMG, I had to laugh at that one. And share with my husband. I could totally relate to your husband because I will run around the house trying to find something to read even if I have “poop chills” as your husband puts it. Or a “turtle head” as MY husband puts it. I know, TMI. But you shared first.
Busymama Kellies last blog post..Slow Cooker Recipe: Sandra Lee’s Tuscan Turkey Meatloaf
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August 30th, 2008 @ 7:53 am
I wonder if our husbands are related. Mine even had a toilet laptop at one stage. He called it his Craptop…
Kelleys last blog post..Hello Mrs XXXX! How are you today????
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August 30th, 2008 @ 8:31 am
Poop Chills?! Pretty awesome term for it! I took the magazine rack out of our bathroom because I was sick of stubbing my toe on it and now I’m in trouble because he doesn’t have his golf magazines..what’s so hard about grabbing one before you go?!
ashs last blog post..Naturday
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August 30th, 2008 @ 12:42 pm
Ha. I am giggling out loud.
OHmommys last blog post..A "real" princess in a real castle
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August 30th, 2008 @ 3:01 pm
OMG….. LOL…. LOL!!!!
Pink Lemonade Lizs last blog post..Friday Free Stuff
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August 30th, 2008 @ 4:42 pm
POOP CHILLS??????
Pahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
maggie, dammits last blog post..Gustav
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August 31st, 2008 @ 5:31 pm
Ash,
Our magazine rack is full. but he still requires the paper for some reason. Luckily, I haven’t stubbed my toe on it yet.
-Amanda
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August 31st, 2008 @ 5:32 pm
Kelley,
The term ‘craptop’ is so brilliant.
-Amanda
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August 31st, 2008 @ 5:33 pm
LeAnn,
A support group is the best idea ever. haha.
-Amanda
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September 1st, 2008 @ 2:05 am
Oh man. Tomorrow, I’m actually going to say, ‘Honey, I’ve got the poop chills! Where’s my craptop?!’ Too, too funny!
goodfathers last blog post..Childbirth class
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November 22nd, 2008 @ 8:43 am
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November 25th, 2008 @ 9:20 am
WOW, haha, so much for boundaries. Poor boys, having to put up with their blogging ladies and lack of shame!
Kristans last blog post..I’m in love…
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April 25th, 2009 @ 3:13 pm
SymptomsofIBS.org talks about Symptoms Of IBS, Non Colonic Symptoms of IBS and Signs and Symptoms of IBS
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