Et tu, Brute?
- July 14th, 2008 1:04 pm
Right now, a large problem is looming over the House of Hills. A massive dilemma. You see, Adam has recently started making false accusations about me. He claims that I’ve been snoring.
I, of course, refuse to believe that I have been doing any such thing. Mostly because I’ve never heard myself snore, and I do not think that I am capable of the sounds he does to impersonate the alleged snoring. I will own up to the fact that I sometimes drool in my sleep, because I do sometimes wake up drowning in a puddle I formed myself. But snoring, no way.
I refuse to believe that while sleeping I make sounds like a braying donkey or even a train chugging along at full speed. Yet every morning Adam feels the need to give me a replay of what the (rumored) snoring sounded like the night before.
‘Do you know what you sounded like last night,’ he’ll ask, as if I really believe that I snore.
‘No, I don’t want to know, because I don’t snore. Additionally, I’m not sure why you keep making these false accusations. I do not snore. You’re being silly.’
‘Well, you do snore, and it sounds like this-BWAAAAAAAA BWAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Sort of like a car honking it’s horn or two cats doing the nasty.’
‘Um, no. No, I did not sound like that, because I don’t snore.This snoring is merely a figment of your imagination. You might even need to get that checked on. After all, it isn’t nice to go around and falsely accuse people of things. Especially accusations of false snoring directed toward the person the washes your underwear. I’ll cut holes in them if you keep this up.
He rolls his eyes at me, because he is strangely tolerant of my various annoying behaviors, and then waltzes around the room taunting with the (rumored) sounds that I made the night before.
‘BWAAAAAAAAA. UHHHHHHHHHHHHH. BWAAAAAAAAAA.’
The most annoying part of these accusations, which I can only assume are actually part of a comedic routine, is that in order to keep up the act he has to add special features. Like waking me up every night and claiming that I am snoring too loudly. I’ll be in the midst of sleep and feel him shaking me and telling me that I’m snoring at some (rumored) ridiculous volume. This gets irksome, particularly when he does it every single night.
How I can be waking him up with my loud snoring if I don’t do it in the first place? Impossible, I say. Impossible.
And so, I think I’m being falsely accused. After all, if I learned anything from the justice system it is this:’ if the glove doesn’t fit, you must acquit.’ And the snoring glove certainly does not fit.
(PS. If the mysterious question marks scar my feed again, I’m not sure what to do. I promised in the last entry that if the question marks showed up in feed readers again I would eat someone’s soul. I suppose I’ll start taking suggestion on whose soul to eat if they show up this time.)
July 14th, 2008 @ 1:12 pm
I didn’t used to believe that I snored either… until one day I set out to prove that I was right and left a voice recorder turned on overnight… OMG! Is that me??? LOL
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July 14th, 2008 @ 1:17 pm
My husband accuses me of snoring all the time. Now all of the sudden he says I am blowing out air, loudly. Something about a whale and a blowhole…. I think all men just try to accuse us of things they can not prove, I mean we are so great the rest of the time. BAWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
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July 14th, 2008 @ 1:23 pm
“two cats doing the nasty”
Woah…that’s something I’ve never heard. But I have heard LOTS of snoring, and NEVER ever has it ever sounded like that!
Methinks perhaps your hubby is waking HIMSELF up and looking for the next available body to blame. Kinda like when someone farts next to you and they walk away quickly to leave you under a cloud of suspicion (smell).
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July 14th, 2008 @ 1:28 pm
Shame on lying Adam. He should know better & you know, A, you should’ve put this up for tomorrow (the Ides of July..with July coming from Julius Caesar).
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July 14th, 2008 @ 1:42 pm
You do not snore. I do not snore. AND any man who thinks we do is demented. Period.
Cautions last blog post..He Gets It From His Mom
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July 14th, 2008 @ 1:46 pm
On the off chance that he’s right, you might want to mention it to your doctor. My sister snored like a cartoon rendition of a snorer and it turned out she had sleep apnea.
But he’s probably lying.
Jenn @ Juggling Lifes last blog post..Universal Health Care Why?
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July 14th, 2008 @ 1:49 pm
Hello, my name is Mary Beth and I snore. I sometimes wake myself up due to said snoring. I have also been accused of talking in my sleep. Luckily, I’m not in on any deep secrets so I don’t have to worry about letting them out. I have started the twelve steps, the first being accepting I have a problem. Not sure what comes next, will let you know when I finally wake up:)
Mary Beths last blog post..WHAT DO YOU DO ON THE WEEKENDS?
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July 14th, 2008 @ 1:59 pm
I say if you can admit to drooling, you would admit to snoring. Thus, I believe you.
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July 14th, 2008 @ 2:15 pm
It must be a man thing, because my hubby accusses me of snoring as well.
Unfortunately, he tape recorded my supposed snores one night. He must have gotten the tape mixed up with something else, because all I could hear was this loud fog horn.
Oh well, I guess he’ll never be able to prove his accusations!
Rightmyer Rantss last blog post..Coca-Cola Challenge Update
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July 14th, 2008 @ 2:27 pm
I think that maybe, just maybe, the question marks are gone!! They were on your last post, but I Didn’t see any on this post.
And Mr. C claims that I snore when I’m sick. (HELLO! I can’t breathe!) But he snores bad after he’s been drinking. I have to ‘gently’ (and by gently I mean ram my knee in his back or something) push him over or wake him up a little to get him to stop. hee hee.
Jennifer @ The Cubicle’s Backporchs last blog post..Scene From a Relationship- Coupon Style
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July 14th, 2008 @ 2:29 pm
I have a list of people whose souls you could devour. But the snoring? I think he is a liar, and surely will be going to hell. soon.
Koris last blog post..An Award! For Me! From TWO People!
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July 14th, 2008 @ 2:30 pm
My other half accuses me of snoring too..he’s gone so far as to suggest I wear the little watch that zaps when you snore. Excuse me, but I do not snore. Drool, yes. Snore, no.
alynns last blog post..Break!
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July 14th, 2008 @ 2:33 pm
Deny. Deny. Deny. Til Adam gets out the video camera…
CarolynOnlines last blog post..Book of Revelations.
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July 14th, 2008 @ 2:42 pm
I suspect I do in fact snore. But so far (13 years in), hubs has not said a word. As long as he doesn’t say it, it isn’t so.
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July 14th, 2008 @ 2:46 pm
Girls don’t snore. Therefore, he’s a big old liar.
And, what sort of soul would you like to eat?
Tasty, or bitter and vile?
dysfunctional moms last blog post..Monday Mantras ~ How to Stay Young
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July 14th, 2008 @ 2:52 pm
The lengths some people will go to. Sheesh! Adam, shame on you.
As for eating souls…well, I have a short list for you but I’m afraid the problem is that I don’t think they have souls.
Dingos last blog post..Go Find the Funny Contest
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July 14th, 2008 @ 3:09 pm
Classy ladies DO NOT SNORE (are you listening Adam?)
Anyway … I think your little girl is GROWING too fast. That happens all of the time with little girls.
Everytime I say my girls are 7 and soon to be 6, I stop myself … nnnnoooooooooooooo, they are 3 and 2!!! I don’t want them to go back to school … Here I am at work while my girls are enjoying their summer.
I’m outta here!
Melissa from Pittsburghs last blog post..The Creek
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July 14th, 2008 @ 3:24 pm
hmm.. girls don’t snore.. crap. I must have misplaced my pen then somewhere.. lol lol
Kims last blog post..Weekly Winners July 7-13 2008
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July 14th, 2008 @ 4:00 pm
Girls don’t snore, sweat or fart, and that’s a fact. This just proves that all men are liars. Mine included, who has insisted for the six years we have been married that I snore. So don’t be surprised if he doesn’t give up but keeps on it, trying to cover his first lie…
Adrenalynns last blog post..New hair and writing impaired spammers
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July 14th, 2008 @ 4:10 pm
My husband, Briefcase, snores horribly. Sometimes I need him to go on business trips just so I can get some sleep. Stop by my site and say hi today. I have a music contest going on thru the end of Wednesday and would love to have you participate. You might even win my low-budget prize!
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July 14th, 2008 @ 4:54 pm
I say cut holes in his underwear…..follow thru on the threat…LOL!!
Heathers last blog post..The Fugly Song
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July 14th, 2008 @ 5:06 pm
I snore, and I won’t deny it in the least. I think people view snoring as a masculine thing, so most women will deny that they do it. My wife denies it, yet she frequently mimics a lumberjack when catching Z’s.
Oh, and I only saw one section of rogue question marks on this post. So, may I suggest Dr Phil’s soul? I’ve heard people say he’s full of bologna, so that might be tasty on grilled/toasted bread.
Badass Geeks last blog post..In Which I Am Patient
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July 14th, 2008 @ 6:07 pm
Jesse Jackson. YES, eat his soul.
But I see no question marks myself, my dear.
As for the snoring…. I admit to snoring only when I’m sick or extremely tired. But never any other time. !!!
Grey Streets last blog post..Calling all mommies…..
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July 14th, 2008 @ 6:23 pm
Well it’s clear that your husband (as well as mine) are waking themSELVES up with their OWN snoring and blaming the hideous noise on us. That’s ok…we know the truth!
Tammys last blog post..Weekend Recap…
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July 14th, 2008 @ 8:17 pm
He’s a big fat hairy liar!
Sister Honey Bunchs last blog post..Summer Camp Failures Part I
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July 14th, 2008 @ 8:22 pm
I think I do snore.
Is that really that awful??
Missys last blog post..A Girl and Her Hats
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July 14th, 2008 @ 8:39 pm
Doesn’t he know you’re always right!!!!!??????!!!
Helens last blog post..You don’t really need your right arm…can I have it?!?!?
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July 14th, 2008 @ 8:40 pm
Another disbeliever. Where is it written that men snore alone? without accompaniment by the distaff side? Annie wouldn’t believe me when I told her she snored. She still wouldn’t believe when Zachary complained that the duet in the next room was keeping him awake at night – he the child that ALWAYS sleeps through the 4th of July. BUT. My trusty Radio Shack microcassette recorder proved the worth of my contention. Didn’t help any, but she believes me now.
lceels last blog post..So starts the week
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July 14th, 2008 @ 11:10 pm
Gawd – my husband sounds like that and I have to do that same “wake him up and bludgeon him until he rolls over” thing. I bet he’s just bludgeoning you and using the snoring as an excuse!
Tranny Heads last blog post..Picture THIS, biotches!
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July 15th, 2008 @ 2:18 am
hehehe
I’ve been told I snore some…I’m sure they must be mistaken. Not me!!
I’m going to neet audio-visual proof before I believe it.
I’ve heard there’s a great pillow out there to help with snoring…holds your head in a certain position…
Rheas last blog post..Overheard
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July 15th, 2008 @ 5:24 am
you dont snore.
youre a delicate flower.
just like I am.
MizFits last blog post..Tues Trend (I hope never catches on) & Test Drive.
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July 15th, 2008 @ 5:28 am
I believe you. I am a believer that women do not snore. Men do. Men snore and they are embarassed about it so they blame us. That is how it works, I am sure.
Shannanb aka Mommy Bitss last blog post..Happy Birthday SM
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July 15th, 2008 @ 6:33 am
Oh my — too funny! I have this argument with my hubby every time we go camping…Then I accept defeat and say – at least my snoring scared the wild animals away!!!
Sweet dreams!
Lauras last blog post..Suck it up!
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July 15th, 2008 @ 6:53 am
Liar, liar, plants for hire. Sorry, was just watching Spongebob.
Mrs. Schmittys last blog post..My Bionic Nose
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July 15th, 2008 @ 7:48 am
What a dirty liar! Of COURSE you would NEVER snore!!
I, alas, know that I have started snoring. I know because…I have actually WAKEN MYSELF UP! So, so sad…
Sarahs last blog post..The Little Changes
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July 15th, 2008 @ 9:58 am
I went through a phase when I did snore, for the first time in my life. At first I thought Torsten was making it up, but he finally convinced me that it was for real. I did some research and figured out that it was probably due to our late dinners–apparently eating and drinking (especially alcohol) close to bedtime can cause snoring. We started eating earlier, and problem solved.
Jesss last blog post..Magnified
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July 15th, 2008 @ 10:19 am
I only snore when I’m pregnant. I wouldn’t have believed it except I woke up one night and caught myself mid-snore.
Memarie Lanes last blog post..Honk if you pay any attention to clever blog titles
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July 15th, 2008 @ 12:03 pm
I am sorry but I have to be on your husbands side for this one!! My boyfriend snores INSANELY loud!! I took shake him in the middle of the night to tell him to please stop so for the love of god I can get some sleep!!
There is a simple solution to this problem you see. Years and years ago my I would tell my boyfriend that he snored. He took the same stance as you.
No way…I would never do that…you are crazy and must be hearing things!! So after months of arguing…I took matters into my own hands and tape recordered him!! The next day I played it back for him…problem solved!! Well not exactly…he still snored but at least he knows it now!!
Heathers last blog post..Pizza e Vino Night in RSM!!
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July 15th, 2008 @ 12:43 pm
My husband accused me of having a sex dream, one that didn’t involve him, the other night.
Be thankful you were snoring- mine heard me… well, use your imagination.
Mommy Who?s last blog post..Eau De Toilette
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July 15th, 2008 @ 1:04 pm
You do not snore. And neither do I.
That is that.
Marias last blog post..My Unwonted Crushes
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July 15th, 2008 @ 1:20 pm
I can’t get my husband to remember to take pictures of me and my daughter (our albums are full of pictures of him and her) but this weekend when I was taking a nap, he pulls out the camera to record me snoring. Go figure.
Except… I hear no noise. Such a stinkin’ liar.
Erin Maries last blog post..It’s been one week since you looked at me
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July 15th, 2008 @ 2:16 pm
I don’t snore either. That awful noise that wakes me up when I am sleeping alone is the dog…or the washing machine in the garage..yeah the washing machine.
Not a Grannys last blog post..I Made Her Day
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July 15th, 2008 @ 2:36 pm
I say no woman snores. We also do not fart. We fluff.
As far as eating souls you could eat your hubbys if he continues to accuse you BUT that may pose an issue being that he is your hubby and all.
I say eat Lindsey Lohans soul.
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July 15th, 2008 @ 3:25 pm
He’s probably snoring and waking himself up because of it. You’re the scapegoat.
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July 15th, 2008 @ 3:28 pm
My husband was a HORRIBLE snorer. He was always tired and could fall asleep at the drop of a hat. His snoring and sleep habits were a big joke with our friends and family. I finally talked him into talking to his doctor, and he had a sleep study done. I was pretty sure he had sleep apnea. The sleep study found that he quit breathing A LOT while he was sleeping. If his breathing and oxygen level had dropped much more, he was at risk for having a stroke at the ripe age of 32. He was diagnosed with sleep apnea (I could have told them that before the test. Here I spend my time teaching, and i should be practicing medicine.) Now, he has a CPAP machine. He is much more rested and doesn’t fall asleep as easily, and I don’t have to listen to the snoring!
I don’t think that everyone that snores has sleep apnea, but if you are also tired you might want to check into that. My husband feels like a new person with his CPAP machine.
Sorry you didn’t ask for advice, but you got it. It’s a slight problem I have.
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July 15th, 2008 @ 3:54 pm
My husband tries to tell me I snore too but there is no possible way, even if I did, that he could freakin’ hear me over his freight train!
amys last blog post..The jig is up
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July 15th, 2008 @ 6:23 pm
Just this morning my darling husband pointed out that I had drooled on HIS pillow.
I was all “Oh hells no…that’s your slime stain, not mine” even tho I distinctly recalled waking up sharing his pillow.
Hubs got all detective like and yanked off the covers of both our pillows. Dammit.
Mine was covered with spittle stains…his was not.
I still denied it was my drool..contrary to the evidence of dried spittle down my chin.
I facking hate when he’s right.
Redneck Mommys last blog post..The Post My MIL Will be Sorry She Read
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July 15th, 2008 @ 7:00 pm
so listen: my husband claimed I snored. i went away with my homies and they said they same thing. oh shits, i thought. i realized that at least my husband does not roll me over/swear/pour water on my cheeks/kick me/cry/moan/whine etc when I do (in fact) snore, so i have decided to keep him.
Darcys last blog post..This is Not an Excuse For Being Lazy
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July 15th, 2008 @ 7:27 pm
I admit I have made the same accusation against my hubs. He vehemently denies the claim too. I need to get out my digital recorder out…
Tara R.s last blog post..(not) Random Wednesday – limits
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July 15th, 2008 @ 7:55 pm
Mr. Pink Lemonade does not even attempt to wake me up anymore – he just goes out to the couch! At least I get a full nights sleep…
Pink Lemonade Lizs last blog post..Six Foods to Banish from Your Diet…
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July 15th, 2008 @ 10:33 pm
Of course you don’t snore. Adam is simply hearing himself and projecting.
Jennis last blog post..Foul, Fecal, Freaking Flies!
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July 16th, 2008 @ 1:50 am
When I was little, my parents used to tease me about my snoring.
Then, it was my BFF’s in jr. high and high school.
Since then, it’s been just about every person who’s shared a bed with me.
All this evidence can clearly mean one thing, and one thing only- THERE IS SOME NASTY CONSPIRACY WORKING AGAINST ME. I blame the government. “They” have even gone so far as to stage some kind of mind-f@@k where I’m sleeping alone and wake myself up with alleged snoring-like noises. I’m still wondering how they did that.
Until Mulder and Scully can confirm that I do, in fact, snore, I’m not buying it. (And the moon landing was totallly staged. And Elvis is still alive.)
niks last blog post..Cookathon, Day 2
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July 16th, 2008 @ 8:57 am
Tell him that if he were making you make *different* noises at night then maybe these mysterious noises might just go away. :O)
Colleen – Mommy Always Winss last blog post..Wordless #20
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July 18th, 2008 @ 3:24 pm
“Sort of like a car honking it’s horn or two cats doing the nasty.” Hilarious! Especially since we are woken up nightly by two cats doing the nasty…well, the “I’m dominantly humping you” nasty.
Colleens last blog post..Weiner Rear-Ends Dump Truck
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July 20th, 2008 @ 10:27 pm
God you’re funny!
Haha
(I once had a boyfriend tape record me. I really did sound like a baby pig. I guess that’s a piglet. Whatever.)
Sybil Laws last blog post..Trolls
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August 11th, 2008 @ 12:48 pm
Thanks to the article, Now there is more reason to comment than ever before! Good post… I found it via Google. They most love you!
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