Grocery Mayhem: Care for some Whine?
- July 6th, 2008 10:12 pm
Today, I did the grocery store thing. The whole grocery shopping deal generally results in me being cranky. It’s the combination of blinding fluorescent lights and the swarms of people pushing by with carts. By the time I leave, I’ve forgotten to get half of what I came for, and I have the attitude problem of a five year old.
Said attitude problem is also why I get so frustrated in the check-out lane.
It’s not the fact that I have to wait to check out behind lines filled to the brim. I’m fine with waiting. If patience is truly a virtue, then I at least have one.
Honestly, my beef with the checkout line is this: I always end up behind some grumpy schmo that thinks their groceries are special. Let’s say that they have all of their groceries on the (stopped) belt, and there is enough space for you to start putting yours on there. SO you put your groceries on the belt leaving a large gap between your groceries and there’s.
You even put the little plastic divider between them.
BUT, they suddenly start pushing their items as far up as possible, because heaven forbid their broccoli touch your milk carton. They start pushing them forward to increase the gap, because call the National Guard, my green onions might accidentally try to hold hands with their doritos.
In other grocery store woes, there are the people that stand at the end of the aisle blocking it completely. Sometimes they have turn their cart sideways as if they were forming a manmade barrier, preventing anyone else to enter the coveted aisle of pickles. And should you really need to get into the aisle, and walk around to the other side, they stare at you, and give you the oh-no-you-didn’t look. But YES, YES I DID. I totally entered your aisle, because it’s not yours;it’s the grocery store’s. As Kathy Griffin says, ’suck it’.
But the worst of all grocery store offenses is the Creeper. The Creeper is the strange guy that stares at you in the store. He always seems to be in whatever place you need to be. He eyes the products in your buggy. He eyes the products on your body. And he is, as his name suggests, creepy. Maybe he has a cheesy porno mustache, is disturbingly pale, or smells like rotten meat. Without regard to his combination of afflictions, he is a creeper. Creepers can be of either sex. But they pray on other customers, following them and staring.
Also, they put a pony right outside the door. It’s only a penny for a ride. My daughter, of course, wants to ride it every time. But when I look at it, all I see is germs. And that’s mostly because I once witnessed a kid urinate all over it mid ride while her mother talked it up on the pay phone. No way is Allie riding that.
And then there’s the parking lot. Geez, Louise! I have to fight for a spot, wrangle my kid into a cart, and avoid getting hit by people who do not respect the whole ‘pedestrians having the right of way’ mumbo jumbo. jerks.
And with all that said, can’t they just bring the groceries to my door or make it drive thru? please? This would make me at least 5% more sane. 5%. I swear.
Please tell me this isn’t just me?
July 6th, 2008 @ 10:44 pm
Too funny! You know, Amazon.com has grocery goods. I’ve seriously considered getting all my non-perishables there and then doing the farmer’s market thing for fresh produce.
My big grocery peeve is that people perceive the presence of my daughters as free license to discuss my reproductive system. “How did you have twins? Are they natural? How much weight did you gain? Are you going to have more?” It doesn’t help that my girls will joyfully carry on lengthy conversations on slides and butterflies with anyone who looks in their direction.
Sadias last blog post..The things children eat!
July 6th, 2008 @ 10:52 pm
your grocery store doesn’t have the option of delivery? i know there’s lots of chains that you can order online. may be worth lookin into, eh?
July 6th, 2008 @ 11:23 pm
Ummm, have you considered switching grocery stores?
The most annoying thing that happens to me is the really old person who doesn’t think about writing a check until everything is bagged. Aargh!
Jenn @ Juggling Lifes last blog post..The One In Which I Totally Saw It Coming
July 6th, 2008 @ 11:52 pm
Safeway delivers. It’s a lot more reliable now than it was 8 years ago when the dot-coms tried online EVERYTHING, including grocery delivery (Home Grocer anyone?). But I don’t get produce from them, because I need to see it before I buy it, or buy it from a place I trust (there are a couple of farming co-ops that do home delivery of great produce around here. Check out the farmer’s markets for places that might do the same where you are).
Backpacking Dads last blog post..Guest Post
July 7th, 2008 @ 12:18 am
holy crap! kids pee on those? i’m never riding the plastic horsie again.
July 7th, 2008 @ 1:25 am
Ya know…I never have any of these problems…lol. Must be the beauty of living in a really small town?
Ashleys last blog post..Reminders…
July 7th, 2008 @ 2:38 am
oh gosh - if I’m in front of you, I’m scooching my stuff up to give you more room for your stuff!
Lisas last blog post..Haiku that Blog! v1.03
July 7th, 2008 @ 2:40 am
but I totally waxed the stache.
Lisas last blog post..Haiku that Blog! v1.03
July 7th, 2008 @ 2:47 am
I’m a blocker *ducks*
Thing is, with my double stroller, I cannot move ahead until I have enough room on the other end to speed by the chocolate bars and magazines without injuring the person in front of me.
If I move forward, it is GAME OVER for me. The girls grab for everything. I’ve talked to the store about doing a candy/mag free aisle and they just giggle.
July 7th, 2008 @ 5:21 am
Ive got nothing.
grocery + my toddler = a rash for me
the 100 degree heat pushes me over the edge.
MizFits last blog post..Monday Facetime
July 7th, 2008 @ 5:49 am
Shit. Off to delete the exact same post in my drafts.
Like totally the same post.
Cause that shit happens here too. And I turn into a growling psychopath in fabulous heels in the supermarket.
One thing you forgot is the cranky old biddy that thinks she should go before you and whines and complains about ‘young people today’ and huffs. I am in my thirties you stupid old bint and I am FAR more important than you.
So suck it.
Kelleys last blog post..Be afwaid. Be vewy afwaid.
July 7th, 2008 @ 6:47 am
My cupboard is bare, and we have been eating out because I dread the nasty grocery store. I have to bite the bullet today. Not loving the idea.
witchypoos last blog post..Skinny Bitch Gets Felt Up
July 7th, 2008 @ 8:20 am
Sheesh…
With a barrage of kids in tow, the extra kilo’s I have gained over the past twenty years; the permanent housewife hairdo (up in a clip) and the total lack of make-up, I haven’t been ogled by anyone for year now…at this even creepers will do!!
…I am off to the grocery store!
Who Am I? Really?s last blog post..The Tooth Mouse Came!!
July 7th, 2008 @ 8:53 am
I really enjoy grocery shopping, for me it is like hunting and gathering. I never take my kids with me, that puts me over the edge.
Queen Mommys last blog post..White trash minus the pond
July 7th, 2008 @ 8:54 am
I love delivery. Love it. I still hate grocery shopping. And please, please don’t tell me that you let Allie use one of those “kids” grocery carts. While it may be cute, it’s in my freakin’ way!! Can’t you see I’m trying to beat the Creeper to the line for delivery?
Dingos last blog post..I’ve Gathered Moss
July 7th, 2008 @ 9:04 am
Time for a new store. Or look into online delivery. Or just talk to yourself wildy and loudly as you go through the store. More people may stare, but they’ll be out of your way!
Hockeymans last blog post..I Did It!!!
July 7th, 2008 @ 9:08 am
I dread the store. But for other reasons. Mainly becauseI usually have the kid with me and it takes me 3 times as long to shop. And I end up spending more since I throw in superfilous stuff to make him happy.
So I hate it too.
July 7th, 2008 @ 9:28 am
You totally left out my biggest pet-peeve: tWhen they push you through the checkout like cattle and the a-hole behind you let’s their 12 year old push their cart, and it always ends up ramming into your Achilles at least twice, and as you are trying to pay they are lurking behind you and you know they are memorizing your PIN number and everything on your drivers license. GET BACK! You’ll know when I’m done! It’s when I push my cart out the door!
marchelles last blog post...the kitchen.
July 7th, 2008 @ 9:45 am
I HATE grocery shopping. I recently had an issue with that darned bin of bouncy balls.
Mrs. Schmittys last blog post..This Hurts Me More Than It Does You
July 7th, 2008 @ 9:48 am
As I was reading this, I was thinking how I totally love grocery shopping. I like to go late at night, with no kids. All the old people are home probably sleeping.
I do admit to being a squisher and pusher on the conveyer belt, but it’s to give you more room.
But there was that one time I took all four kids and we filled four shopping carts because I saved up some %-off coupons in a promotion. ‘Bout drove me over the edge, but I didn’t have to do a big shopping order for a good six weeks.
Kels last blog post..In which I swear of all food
July 7th, 2008 @ 10:05 am
My husband and I always go together. That way, if one of us (usually me) finally snaps and goes to stab someone in the neck with a ballpoint pen, the other can talk them down.
However, we have not yet come up with a solution for when/if, by some strange coincidence, we both snap at the same time.
But really what’s the odds of that, right?
July 7th, 2008 @ 10:14 am
OMGosh u are not the only one experiencing this stuff!
I usually put my stuff on the belt and then grab the divider, but before I can even pick it up, the person in front of me gives me a dirty look while slamming the divider down. it is NOT that serious buddy!
Another thing that annoys me is how I ALWAYS pick the shopping cart that has issues. it’s squeeky, or the wheels don’t turn the way they should, or it has something sticky on the handle!
My creeper is a little different from your creeper. it’s ALWAYS some man in the maxi pad aisle. don’t get me wrong, I know that sometimes men pick up these things for their wives, but he’s ALWAYS lurking in that section. if I go over to the razor or toothpaste section until he’s done staring at the tampons/pads, he ends up in the toothpaste or razor section. I assume he’s done in the tampon/maxi pad section so I go back over there and HERE HE COMES!! I don’t need some dude standing behind me looking at how heavy or light my flow is!! Same thing goes for the underwear section. Clearly I’m talking about a store like Walmart or Target (yes I buy panties at these places). There’s always some creepy dude in that section watching!
July 7th, 2008 @ 10:19 am
I TOTALLY agree!
What about the old guy that gets all cranky because your little kid might make a teensy-weensy bit of noise in his general vicinity. My mom was getting a new cell phone, and while we waited behind this really SLOW older gentleman, my two-year-old started to get bored (after about 20 minutes) and started to sing a song. The guy starts getting fidgety about it. Then after about ten more minutes, she started whining a little (because, seriously, a HALF HOUR!). The guy says “Someone should smack that kid!” I said “Oh, yeah, ’cause that’s the PERFECT way to get a kid to stop crying - smack him!” What an idiot. I hate going out in public at all, let alone shopping.
Jodis last blog post..Madison’s Dance Recital
July 7th, 2008 @ 11:26 am
I’m with you! I try to send my husband as often as I can so I don’t have to go with kids!
Jenns last blog post..Random Stuff !
July 7th, 2008 @ 11:47 am
I hate the damn grocery. It’s worse when you’re hungry and everything looks good. And you’re right about the ‘creeper’ and the ‘aisle blocker’. Bastards!
July 7th, 2008 @ 11:52 am
I hate how there is always someone in line behind me who feels the need to inch into my personal space. I move forward to get away and then they move forward. Soon they are breathing down my neck and I am past the ATM machine even though I need to pay.
Back off people!
Lisas last blog post..Updates on story
July 7th, 2008 @ 12:20 pm
oh, I feel you. The creepers freak me out too.
What I hate the most about grocery shopping anymore? The cashiers who act like they’re doing you a favor for doing their job. If you ask a question, they give you a dirty look.
I avoid the grocery on Saturdays anymore. I just can’t handle it.
In fact - I think I’ll start Christmas shopping now!
IzzyBeths last blog post..I wish you were here . . .
July 7th, 2008 @ 12:41 pm
LMAO!!!!!!!!!! I found your blog through the sweet comment you left on mine.. and i’m so glad I did! rotfl!! I’ll be adding you to my blogroll.. lol!
~Carla~s last blog post..2 Sketches 4 You & Happy Monday!
July 7th, 2008 @ 1:11 pm
PEAPOD, baby. PeaPod. Grocery delivery people. Worth it on those nasty weekend shopping days. Shop ONLINE. Tell them when to deliver. Know what the price is in advance. Just sit back, swill beer (okay, wine if you gotta) and enjoy the day.
July 7th, 2008 @ 2:06 pm
I loathe the grocery store. I hate the people behind me who are all up in my business and are practically breathing down my neck. Grosses me out. I purposefully stick my leg out so I have some damn room! Ugh.
Mrs. Kittys last blog post..Just another Meme Sunday (whoa oh oh)
July 7th, 2008 @ 2:30 pm
I’ve heard Amazon delivers. And, we actually did have a place that you’d “buy” online & would deliver. They went belly up, sadly. But, it was so nice. I hate the creepy guy, too.
Anglophile Football Fanatics last blog post..Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig
July 7th, 2008 @ 2:44 pm
“my green onions might accidentally try to hold hands with their doritos.”
Loved it!
I’m military and here in Guam so the Commissary is my grocery store of choice. They move really fast- usually and have baggers that walk you to the car. They work for tips so once you get over the fact that your giving away 3-5 dollars every time you shop- it’s actually very nice. I can wrangle the three kids in the car and they can nicely stack the groceries in back. I actually leave feeling pretty peaceful unless you go in at 5 pm and then it really stinks and I’m mumbling about how slow everyone is!
July 7th, 2008 @ 3:12 pm
You actually miss one. “The Viking.” That would be me. You’re scanning the meat section for the right chicken, boneless, skinless, and I cut in front of you make you stop your cart while I grab what I want. Then we make it to the produce and I cut in front of you again for the green peppers. You’re thinking, WHAT IS WRONG, IS HE A CREEPER? I say, “You can’t stop the Viking!”
Audubon Rons last blog post..On Rouen Mallards, et al.
July 7th, 2008 @ 3:18 pm
No way, you have a pony at your store?! Way cool! We only have those quarter toy machines…which I use to bribe my boys with. If they’re good the whole grocery store trip, then I give them quarters to buy cheap toys with. It’s a win–win situation!!
I don’t think I”ve had a creeper before. Yikes!!
Rheas last blog post..Letting it go to your Head.
July 7th, 2008 @ 3:24 pm
Dude you should watch my best friend and I grocery shop together. We’re both from New Jersey and in Florida everyones la-de-da attitudes DRIVE US NUTS! To top it off we live downtown so the store has smaller aisles… smaller but the shelving is taller. We’re 5′3″ and 5′0″ respectively so we’re stuck shopping on the bottom three shelves… and then try and pass someone in one of THESE tiny aisle. Impossible. When someone doesn’t move over I usually just ram into them “by accident.” Move out da way biatch.
Mandis last blog post..Out of Order
July 7th, 2008 @ 4:12 pm
I just had this experience on Saturday, at a store that is the bargin place (because as much as I like Safeway,fred Meyer and the like stuff is just too freaking expensive!) in town and crap I was overwhelmed. I had a list, I didn’t even end up with everything because by the time I remembered what I forgot I was at the front and done with the place. Too many people and all standing where I wanted to go.
Jenns last blog post..Exhausted
July 7th, 2008 @ 4:14 pm
It is not just you. I hate the creepers, and the crazy-ass drivers in the parking lot! And my kid always wants to ride the stupid little pony/dragon/dog, and I always lie and say it is broken b/c it just disgusts me!
danielle-lees last blog post..Pay It Forward contest results
July 7th, 2008 @ 4:53 pm
Hmmm… I’ll consider myself lucky that I have managed to avoid Creepy Porny Lurker Guy. I always wind up behind Obsessive But Unorganized Coupon Clipper Who Waits Until Checkout to Organize Said Coupons. See also: Old Woman With Arthritis Who Pays By Check and Welfare Recipient Who Doesn’t Get It With Cart Full of Box Wine and KOOLs.
My only supermarket peeve is when the cashier/checker manhandles my fruit. It’s perfectly fine to slide the bag of apples down the belt toward the sacker, there’s really no need for you to heave them with all your might toward your pimpled nemesis on bagging duty. Feh.
Jennifers last blog post..Thinking We Might Have to Amputate…
July 7th, 2008 @ 5:48 pm
My husband and I make the reluctant weekly trip to Wal-Mart, where when you walk in the door, you walk into a seperate reality. It’s kinda like that scene in Star Wars when their in that bar with all the wacky creatures.
Erins last blog post..Fun Monday Fish Story
July 7th, 2008 @ 5:54 pm
You forgot the people who have to do everything in different orders to be able to maximize coupon usage all while making sure everyone else’s ice cream has melted in their cart.
I hate rotten meat smelling man.
nikkis last blog post..The worst Fun Monday of my life
July 7th, 2008 @ 9:41 pm
is it not like every person in there is solely meant to piss you off?! I get so freakin pist with the people who stand in your way with their head in space and don’t clue into your exasperated sighs….which is exactly why I have mine delivered to my door for a itty bitty surcharge of 4 bucks.
TRACIs last blog post..My Sister Is Gettin’ Hitched Volume 1
July 7th, 2008 @ 9:49 pm
It’s not just you.
My favorites are the people that wander around, staring in amazement at the products on the shelves. For Pete’s sake…it’s freaking food! Pick it up and move the hell out of the way!
Annies last blog post..Joint ownership
July 7th, 2008 @ 9:54 pm
This is why I never shop on Sundays anymore. But during the week isn’t any better now that school is out.
Midwest Mommys last blog post..They tried to attack me!
July 7th, 2008 @ 10:39 pm
Not a ton of issues here in Mayberry. Just a lot of chatty senior citizens. And, people who LOVE to touch babies.
Oh, you have to mention the checkout lane where they stuff enough crap and candy you totally don’t need UNTIL you get into the checkout lane. It beckons you to buy and buy.
LaskiGals last blog post..And Let Freedom Ring . . .
July 7th, 2008 @ 11:46 pm
I am one of those that you mentioned that moves the groceries up. But honestly, I do it altruisticly to help out those behind - providing more room on there for the person behind me.
Who I can’t stand is the people that won’t hand or give me room to grab the little divider thing so I can start pluncking my groceries down.
My husband can’t stand check-writers at the store.
Emilys last blog post..What does this say about me?
July 8th, 2008 @ 2:15 am
I’m still stuck on a penny a ride. SERIOUSLY? I haven’t seen anything less than a quarter in….ever?
dysfunctional moms last blog post..Peaceful Easy Feeling
July 8th, 2008 @ 2:53 pm
I hate HATE grocery shopping. Which is why I have a delivery guy come once every ten days. I go shopping only for meats.. My son actually thinks that the grocery delivery “person” is kinda like Santa..
Kims last blog post..There Is No Such Thing As Bad Luck
July 8th, 2008 @ 8:31 pm
I am usually fairly happy at the grocery store–but thanks for making me laugh — funny post.
JMBMOMMYs last blog post..Kids & Their Bodies
July 9th, 2008 @ 1:23 pm
OH, well, if that’s all you have there….you should NEVER move here. It never fails that there’s a store full of ghetto wannabes when I go. They’re all hooched out like they’re waiting their next Joe, and there’s about 15 of them in one group walking, and talking LOUDLY using vulgar words, phrases, sentences. They take up a whole isle, and if you pass them, they glare at you, and talk about you the entire time you’re there. Then, if you actually get up enough nerve to tell them to shut up or watch their mouth around your 4 year old, they get even more loud and vulgar, and you just wish they had cops wandering the store. Yay. I get to do this on a weekly basis. Please let me retire to a small town one day?
July 12th, 2008 @ 8:13 pm
Ugh! I can totally relate to this grocery store experience!
How about when you finally get to the point when its your turn to check out and the bag boy and cashier are flirting and carrying on and talking about their date or weekend plans… and your bread gets smashed cause ya know you aren’t their
priority at all!!
July 12th, 2008 @ 8:37 pm
Awesome post! Oh, how I can relate. I hate the people who look suspiciously at you like you are trying to sneak your groceries into their pile. I want to scream, I wouldn’t benefit from you paying for my groceries for Pete’s sake! I put them on the belt because I want to BUY them. Not because I want them to end up in your bags!
And, since when did bag boys fail to receive the “don’t put hazardous materials in with produce and/or edible items” training? If I get toilet cleaner in the same bag as tomatoes one more time I am going to come unglued!
July 12th, 2008 @ 11:32 pm
I dislike going for groceries as well. I go as little as possible. People there are mostly rude - block the isles, bump into you, etc.
I say groceries by internet and free delivery!
julies last blog post..CHALLENGE . . . WINNER GETS A FREE DVD
July 13th, 2008 @ 6:46 pm
I grocery shop at night, when the kids are in bed and husband is there to be with them… the creepy people in the store are creepier, but I have peace of mind to shop without my two monkeys!
Angelas last blog post..On the Road Again
July 19th, 2008 @ 10:48 pm
I take offense to the whole “The Creeper” tag.
morethananelectricians last blog post..Welcome to the Freak Show
August 1st, 2008 @ 3:43 am
I always read your blog in high spirits. Thanks