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Olfactory Functions

  • May 20th, 2008 11:17 pm

You would probably like to have a nickel for every time you’ve me heard me talk about something I saw ain a magazine the other day, but I can’t help it. And rightly so: I was reading a magazine the other day when this sentence popped up at me:

The smell of cucumbers causes blood to rush to the vagina.

I found that rather peculiar. Mostly because I’m from Kentucky, a state heavily populated with Copperheads . As a child and an adult, a common warning is that if you are in the woods or a grassy area and you smell cucumbers–RUN! Because apparently Copperheads put off a scent similar to cucumbers.

To be frank, the scent of a cucumber, if not immediately put off by a cucumber within a visible area, does not cause blood to rush my nether regions. But it will result in my running like a chicken with its head cut off.

I’m completely serious. And I might look crazier than a ran-over dog doing said running, but I’d much rather run like hell than be bitten by a poisonous snake. So I’m taking that for all it’s worth.

If you aren’t from a somewhat rural area, this probably just sounds a bit insane to you. And that’s fine. Because I’m sure you have adages or old wives tales that sound crazy to me.

So lets dish them out, what is the craziest allegedly wise saying that you have ever heard ? Because surely you’ve heard some? How could you have survived this long without some old woman teaching you a strange technique to see if it’s going to rain or see which sex your hypothetical baby will be?

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comments

  1. tiffany

    May 20th, 2008 @ 11:44 pm

    Well, my Pawpaw (that’s the way it sounds when you say it.) once said, “Don’t pick your nose if you aint got a booger.” which is a very refined way of saying don’t fix what isn’t broken. I also liked the time when he said “be careful what you say, ’cause there’s lil pitchers with big ears listenin’.” I got mad and told him he had big ears. I was about 7. Not old wives tales, but pretty southern adages that you don’t hear too often.

    tiffanys last blog post..Life is good!

  2. suze

    May 21st, 2008 @ 12:08 am

    My ex mother-in-law was full of odd little gems of wisdom. Like:
    “Don’t tickle the baby on the foot, it will make him stutter”
    “Don’t hang out washing while you are pregnant, or the cord will tangle around the baby’s neck”.

    Yes, she was such a harbinger of good cheer and fun. Not.

  3. honeybell

    May 21st, 2008 @ 12:26 am

    Wow, I grew up in rural Kansas and I never heard that about copperheads! I did always hear about the “air going yellow” right before a tornado.

    Honeybells last blog post..I Am Honeybell’s Wounded Va-Jay-Jay

  4. lceel

    May 21st, 2008 @ 7:47 am

    Being a good Catholic boy, I grew up with, “Don’t masturbate or you’ll go blind.” I can see just fine, thank you. I think I’m going to click on Honeybell’s link to her post about her ‘Wounded Va-Jay-Jay’. Maybe I can kiss it and make it better.

    lceels last blog post..Yes, Mistress, I’ll be good Mistress

  5. julie

    May 21st, 2008 @ 8:21 am

    I’m sniffing a cucumber now, nothing is happening!

    Julies last blog post..Barack Obama’s Secret Weapon Part II and Who is This Charming Man Mike Huckabee?

  6. jen

    May 21st, 2008 @ 8:33 am

    Most of mine are superstitions–don’t look at the new moon over your left shoulder. Never touch a snakeskin. Don’t kill a daddy-long legs spider. That kind of thing. You know, totally logical.

    Jens last blog post..Make the Most of Your Time

  7. amy

    May 21st, 2008 @ 8:34 am

    I’m from Texas - where the weather men are ALWAYS wrong and what they say here is:

    Y’all just watch the cows now and they’ll let ya know when some bad weather is a movin in.

    The cows will go to a sheltered area of the pasture, put the young ones in the middle and all lie down.

  8. madame queen

    May 21st, 2008 @ 8:35 am

    OMG, where to start? Though I’ve never heard the one about the copperhead. Hmmm…if you get chased by hoop snake, don’t run in a straight line b/c they will catch you. You have to bob and weave.

    If you pick up a grandaddy longlegs and ask him where the cows are, he’ll pick up a leg and point in the right direction.

    Madame Queens last blog post..In Which We Wander Around and Finally Get Back To My Point

  9. ohmommy

    May 21st, 2008 @ 9:05 am

    Crap. I grew up in the city of Chicago. I have nothing.

    OHmommys last blog post..Apparently, I have a response…

  10. caution

    May 21st, 2008 @ 9:29 am

    When I was in my first pregnancy, I was told the baby was a boy. As the months went on, I was stopped twice by old Italian men who informed me that my complexion told them I was having a girl. I rolled my eyes each time. Of course the baby was a girl.

    Cautions last blog post..There is Something to This Yuckiness

  11. friglet

    May 21st, 2008 @ 9:54 am

    My sweet southern grandmother would yell at me when I was pregnant and would reach my arms up high over my head. She was convinced that doing that would strangle the baby.

    BTW, exactly what magazine were you reading? LMAO

    Friglets last blog post..Can I offer you a drink?

  12. kandi

    May 21st, 2008 @ 10:13 am

    Well no wonder cucumbers are one of my favorite veggies!

    Well here’s an old wives tale I saw come true. After my grandmother got blood on my wedding gown as I was in for a fitting, the seamstress immediately puts in cut cloth from my dress into my grandmother’s mouth. Thru the tears, I was like wth??? Turns out, your own saliva is the only thing that can get out your own blood. Good to know.

    Kandis last blog post..Dream House

  13. anglophile football fanatic

    May 21st, 2008 @ 11:31 am

    Holy Crap, Amanda. I’m at a loss. In regards to snakes: red & yellow never killed a fellow, yellow & black, take a step back….cause umm…am is the snake going to let me peer closely to see it’s stripe pattern?? “Hello, Mr. Possibly a Coral Snake, can I see if you are filled with poison or just harmless??”

    Anglophile Football Fanatics last blog post..Heya, Ponch!

  14. cate

    May 21st, 2008 @ 11:35 am

    well, i was never told anything cool like that…only how to spot a bear’s den, or warnings of a fox, wolf, coyote, etc being near by.

    wow…it’s amazing i survived my childhood! ;-)
    cates last blog post..Pink Eye waiting to happen

  15. xbox4nappyrash

    May 21st, 2008 @ 11:36 am

    In relation to trying to conceive I just love being told to ‘just relax’.

    I’m going to nailgun the person to say that to me.

    Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..A warning to the txt generation

  16. lisa

    May 21st, 2008 @ 12:07 pm

    I am not a fan of the old wives tales about your offspring. The other day at work a girl held her necklace over my hand and counted how many times it swayed back and forth. I guess that determines how many kids you will have. Apparently I am having 3, but I have two already and unless there is some freak medical miracle I am not having anymore!

  17. marti

    May 21st, 2008 @ 12:21 pm

    I always hear the old saying, “don’t gooutside with a wethead or you’ll get sick.”
    Or ” Pull a grey hair out and two will grow in its place”.

    Martis last blog post..Latest and greatest

  18. shamelesslysassy.com » the tin can adventures: the yard sale van

    May 21st, 2008 @ 12:46 pm

    [...] Me Lately? Marti on Olfactory FunctionsLisa on Olfactory FunctionsXbox4NappyRash on Olfactory Functionscate on Olfactory Functionscate on [...]

  19. andi

    May 21st, 2008 @ 1:07 pm

    Despite the fact that I found that sentence hysterical, I’m sort of jealous of its author. Grocery shopping would be way more fun if that were the case. As it is, cucumbers (along with celery, in case you’re interested) are one of two vegetables I can’t stomach to eat or even smell.

    andis last blog post..Dumbassery makes for excellent blog fodder

  20. mp

    May 21st, 2008 @ 2:17 pm

    Never heard that … the smell makes me a little sick to my stomach otherwise I’d be running to Bed Bath and Beyond for some lotion.

    My grandma used to tell me that if I crossed my legs while I was on my period that it would extend it by days or cause a blod clot.. WTF Nana?

    mps last blog post..Break Time

  21. witchypoo

    May 21st, 2008 @ 3:53 pm

    A poplars leaves will turn the silver side out before a rain.
    And what goes up before a shower? A cow’s tail.

    witchypoos last blog post..To The Rescue!

  22. lottifish

    May 21st, 2008 @ 4:15 pm

    My Mom always told me that if I eat ice cream while on my period it will last longer and be stronger.

  23. kristen

    May 21st, 2008 @ 4:43 pm

    I just have to know what magazine you were reading??

    And my grandmother said if it rains on your wedding day, you will be a “good housekeeper”. I bet my hubby was hoping for thunderstorms! :)
    Kristens last blog post..We’ve been busy……..

  24. heidi

    May 21st, 2008 @ 6:06 pm

    “Semen makes your skin healthier.” Being that I am very conservative and knew nothing about sex growing up I fully believed this, not that it really affected me til much later in life. It is still very funny to me to think back to the horror when I thought of this.

    Heidis last blog post..Viral Negativity

  25. jennifer @ the cubicle's backporch

    May 21st, 2008 @ 6:15 pm

    You can tell it’s going to rain when the leaves are turned up.

    And you can tell if you’re having a boy because they ‘hang low’ and girls are up higher.

    Some of these are really funny!!

    Jennifer @ The Cubicle’s Backporchs last blog post..Jodie Foster and Memorial Day Weekend.

  26. tranny head

    May 21st, 2008 @ 9:03 pm

    Hmm . . . I was once bitten by a copperhead . . . and don’t recall smelling any cucumbers.

    Tranny Heads last blog post..Sippy Cup: A Play in Two Acts

  27. eve grey

    May 21st, 2008 @ 10:28 pm

    If you swallow gum a bubble gum tree will grow in your stomach. I’m working on mine because I think it will be beautiful.

    Eve Greys last blog post..Your mother was a hamster and your father smells of elderberries

  28. brittany

    May 22nd, 2008 @ 5:56 am

    My grandmother always says, “I’m as happy as a dead big in the sunshine” How does she know the dead pig is happy?

    Brittanys last blog post..The Job Fair Adventure

  29. nes

    May 22nd, 2008 @ 6:40 am

    How about my Polish great-grandmother’s:
    “”Shh! The evil eye might hear you!”"

    NESs last blog post..Portrait of femininity

  30. jackie

    May 22nd, 2008 @ 9:01 am

    I just discovered your site!
    I was just telling a friend the other day that my Mom used to tell us not to break the icicles that hung off the the roof…
    because….
    are you ready for this?…
    The caused POLIO!!!

    (As I shared this Mom-ism with her, I started laughing…
    and snorting… which is an embarrassing thing I do when I laugh too hard!)

    Thanks for the laugh… I won’t tell my husband about your find…. he’ll be requesting for me to prepare garden salad every night… (before bed!)
    ;)
    Jackie
    http://thoughtsfromthedeepend.net

    Jackies last blog post..We are like, SO in HOT Water!!

  31. tiffany

    May 22nd, 2008 @ 10:48 am

    I could probably write a book for you. I’m from East Texas, which for those of you who don’t know…is it’s own country.

    I was told my son was a girl b/c my tummy was high….

    If you sweep after dark you’re inviting the devil…(go Granny)

    If a black cat crosses your path, spit and curse to fight off the demons…(What demons care if you spit & Curse?)

    If you spill salt, take a pinch and throw it over your shoulder of you’ll have bad luck. *shrug*

    A watched pot…never boils (I’ve watched them…thanks)

    If you drop a comb or brush…step on it first…or you’ll bring evil to yourself.

    Oh…and yeah….

    If your palm itches, put it in your purse or pocket…you’ll get money. (Dear GOD why am I not rich yet??????)

    PS…what magazine was this???

  32. nikki

    May 22nd, 2008 @ 12:47 pm

    A couple pregnancy ones…

    If a pregnant woman pees into a cup with Drano - as in the stuff that clears nasty hair balls from your pipes (must be the powder sort, not liquid) and it turns blue - having a boy - green - having a girl.
    If you carry the baby high - its a boy.
    If you are pregnant and ready to pop eat pizza and voila! BABY!

  33. queen of shake shake

    May 22nd, 2008 @ 8:03 pm

    …adding cucumbers to my grocery list because I HAVE to test this out.

    Though I grew up with copperheads, water moccasins, and coral snakes, I never heard the thing about cucumbers and copperheads, so maybe it will work for me.

    Queen of Shake Shakes last blog post..Thing One & Thing Two

  34. felicity

    May 22nd, 2008 @ 11:46 pm

    Bright eyed and bushy tailed
    I’ll be a monkey’s uncle
    Put your mouth where your money is
    That is a hair brain idea
    When the going gets tough the tough get going
    all way too confusing…

    Felicitys last blog post..Momma needs some space

  35. bekki

    May 23rd, 2008 @ 12:03 am

    There is a reason I pee before reading your posts…(grin)

    Bekkis last blog post..Wisconsin..

  36. jenni

    May 23rd, 2008 @ 5:25 pm

    “If you play with trash, you will get dirty.”
    My granny was not talking about garbage.

    Everyone in town knows my husband by the name Sassy.

    jennis last blog post..It’s Here…A Tank or a Toilet.

  37. brea in texas

    May 27th, 2008 @ 2:13 pm

    I really love the pregnancy ones. Having my kids so close together, I think I heard them all!

    I remember three from my childhood, which I thought were total crap, that turned out to be true.

    My grandma always told me that if you have a goat, it’ll keep the fleas off your chickens. (Yes, I realize that this is completely useless to a vast majority of the population, but you never know when you’ll need to know something like that!)

    And the leaves on a mesquite tree don’t come out until after the last spring frost. I go by this every. single. year. when I plant my garden. It’s worked every time.

    You can tell the temperature by counting the number of cricket chirps. I don’t remember the exact formula anymore, but I do remember losing a substantial amount of money (like $20 or something!) because I bet that it wouldn’t work. It did. We shorely do gots us some smart crickets here in Texas, y’all!!

    ~Brea

    Brea in Texass last blog post..What to Write?

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