The Peen Magnet
- May 13th, 2008 12:58 pm
While sorting through my garage the other day, I found a penis magnet. By penis magnet, I don’t mean a picture of myself, either. (read: sarcasm) It was a genuine, bonified penis magnet. Literally, bonified. A refrigerator magnet with small plastic penis attached to it.
(by the way, did you know that I can not spell refrigerator without the help of spellcheck? I always put a ‘d’ before the g.)
Anyway, you might be thinking, ’shame on you, why do you own a peen magnet?’ And that’s a fabulous question. Truthfully, it’s not mine, but my husbands.
Which might worry you, but the truth is I purchased the peen magnet for him as a practical joke years ago. Some friends and I had ventured to a dirty store (in the middle of redneck country), and while in there, I saw it and decided it would be hilarious to give to Adam as a gift. After all, he’d have to hang it up on the refrigerator in his super manly house amongst all his man gear. And if he didn’t hang it up, it would be like a snubbing a gift. And you can’t just snub a gift.
The walls of the Man House Kitchen were adorned with the most masculine of decor. There were antique boxing gloves hanging on one wall. Old framed photos of some of the first MLB teams lined a wall adjacent to the refrigerator. Antique signs stating other random manesque things (yes, I made that word up. but manesque sounds nice to me). Surely the penis magnet would fit in well on the fridge?
Adam did not see the humor in hanging the penis magnet up. He had male friends over all of the time, and neither he nor them thought it terribly hilarious that a plastic penis was hanging on the refrigerator in the middle of a man-cave. But he hung it up anyways. Mostly because when he took it down, I hung it back up. But I tell myself he did it voluntarily, because he treasured my gift so much. (Tell me no different.)
To some degree, the peen magnet did stir up some trouble. Because when the house was on the market around a year later, Adam showed it to many a person. They would all enter the kitchen and adoringly nod at the gorgeous colors, cabinetry, and tile work until their eyes got to the refrigerator. Because when they began focusing on it, they immediately noticed the plastic penis amongst the decor.
It just stood out, pun intended.
Adam caught several funny looks. And he didn’t realize why. The magnet had been up so long and had become a regular fixture in the kitchen. He had forgotten how strange it was to have a phallus covered fridge, until one of the men looking at the house approached him about it. It was a man that polite words would only allow me to describe as country, and he looked at Adam and said, " Son, I sure like your house. But you got a dick hangin’ from your fridge."
Adam turned red with embarrassment, and probably had hallucinations about strangling me. The peen magnet was long forgotten to him. After that, he hid it from me. (bastard.)
He should have thrown it away.
But don’t you worry, because I found that bad boy, and I’m hanging it back up. I’ll teach him to hide penis magnets from me. I hope my mother-in-law enjoys it. *insert evil cackle*
May 13th, 2008 @ 1:10 pm
BWAAHAHA! How awesome! Very, very hilarious post!
Bonified, indeed! Heee!
Years ago, the husband and I were in a bait shop and there was a magnet for sale there that had a peanush on it and the pithy saying Truckers Are Fuckers. While the husband is neither, OH HOW I WANTED THAT MAGNET.
FabGirls last blog post..Friday Five
May 13th, 2008 @ 1:14 pm
And THAT is why I love country folk. They just tell it like it is. So funny.
Sister Honey Bunchs last blog post..Mean Kids Suck: Part Aaaaaggghhhhh!
May 13th, 2008 @ 1:38 pm
Hysterical.
I had never before considered the potentials of the homonymy of “bonified” and “bonafide”.
Sadias last blog post..Second birthday, first concert
May 13th, 2008 @ 1:55 pm
And Jeff Foxworthy says, “If you open the door to your refrigerator and you can’t find a beer among all the penis magnets, you might be a Redneck.”
lceels last blog post..blog365 134/365
May 13th, 2008 @ 1:59 pm
Oh, my. I can only imagine the looks poor Adam got from that one!
Anglophile Football Fanatics last blog post..Oh, Twit!
May 13th, 2008 @ 2:04 pm
My exes would be proof that I was a dick magnet myself. Not quite the same as a penis magnet.
witchypoos last blog post..Get Out Much?
May 13th, 2008 @ 2:12 pm
You always make me smile. And now I’m considering magnet options.
maggies minds last blog post..Any Tom, Dick or Harry
May 13th, 2008 @ 2:20 pm
you go girl, stick it back up…
…er, I mean…oh never mind…
Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..I said ‘Nappy’, dammit
May 13th, 2008 @ 2:29 pm
That is a total riot. I love it.
RubiaLalas last blog post..Telling The Parents
May 13th, 2008 @ 2:51 pm
OMG! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That is priceless.
castocreationss last blog post..Wordless Wednesday on a Tuesday - I’d Rather Be Here
May 13th, 2008 @ 3:00 pm
Best first paragraph ever. EVER.
maggie, dammits last blog post..are you still reading?
May 13th, 2008 @ 3:27 pm
There are MANY magnetic surfaces in a house
Have fun finding them…
Amanda- VintageDutchGirls last blog post..Pretty Big Shoes To Fill…
May 13th, 2008 @ 3:45 pm
OMG, that is so something that would happen to me. Hmm, where did you say you picked up that magnet?
Melissas last blog post..Visiting the Pig Farm or My First Anatomy Lesson…
May 13th, 2008 @ 4:47 pm
That’s frickin’ hilarious!
SherE1s last blog post..Wanted: Parent
May 13th, 2008 @ 5:18 pm
Wow, a peepee magnet. That’d be a huge hit in my house with my hubby and two boys. They’d giggle nonstop every time they saw it. lol
Rheas last blog post..The Judge, the Lawyer, the Intellectual, the Photographer, the Artist, the Gardner, the Philosopher but most importantly, My Mother.
May 13th, 2008 @ 6:28 pm
BAHAHA too funny!!!!
May 13th, 2008 @ 6:55 pm
You really are shamelessly sassy, and that’s a good quality. Very, very good.
Cautions last blog post..Where the Family Refuses to Be Thwarted in a Canopy Search
May 13th, 2008 @ 7:09 pm
LOL…Oh this is too funny!
May 13th, 2008 @ 7:30 pm
Yes, I think you should be hard and firm with Adam (hahaha) and put it back up (oh dear). The puns are endless.
May 13th, 2008 @ 8:16 pm
Hysterical. But why do I have “short di#k man song going through my head now??
Kims last blog post..A Coxsackie Fork
May 13th, 2008 @ 8:55 pm
I used to have a peen cigarette lighter. It was a rubber casing, shaped like a peen, that you slide any ol’ lighter into. It was so effing realistic looking, veins and all. I gave it to my sister and she had loads of fun with it. Making guys kiss the tip before she would light their cigarettes and stuff. Hehehe. She’s a wacko that kid. BTW, I use the word peen all the time! I think it’s sooo funny and I couldn’t stop snickering when I came here and found that you use it too! Great post girlfriend.
Lunaniks last blog post..Terrible Tuesday - Sloth **Updated**
May 13th, 2008 @ 9:29 pm
Refrigerator doesn’t have a “d? I thought it did!
Law Student Hot Mamas last blog post..Totally Incensed Tuesday #10: This Week’s T.I.T. = Vermont
May 13th, 2008 @ 10:08 pm
bwahahahahaha! Penis magnet! I have several penis pencil toppers and they boys keep finding them. Hard to explain…
jens last blog post..I vastly underestimated my Coochy
May 13th, 2008 @ 11:01 pm
ROTFLMBO!!!! Oh my gosh! I demand pictures!!! Too funny..I want pictures of the magnet and of your MIL’s face when she sees it.. and of your dh’s face when he sees it.
Renes last blog post..Book Signings and Fried Worms and Stomach Viruseseses!
May 13th, 2008 @ 11:07 pm
Your right. It IS very manesque for your husband to have a penis magnet on display for the world to see….. hmmm wait…..
Kandis last blog post..Revenge is best served cold
May 14th, 2008 @ 1:56 am
If you had only gotten him the matching light switches, the one on the fridge wouldn’t have stuck out so much. And I have the SAME refrigerator spelling problem. Yeah why DO they spell fridge with a d but not refrigerator???
BusyDads last blog post..What Are YOU Doing on Tuesday at 1pm EST?
May 14th, 2008 @ 5:31 am
it is amazing how fas this happens:
He had forgotten how strange it was to have a phallus covered fridge,
how your own domiciles ODDITIES (we have a number of em up in herre) start to look NORMAL to you
too funny.
MizFits last blog post..Viewer Mail.
May 14th, 2008 @ 6:49 am
“But you got a dick hangin’ from your fridge.”
LMAO!
Tammys last blog post..There’s an art to eating pasta!
May 14th, 2008 @ 6:54 am
Bwahahaha!!! That is priceless. And sheer genius. Too bad the magnet wasn’t strong enough to double as a second door. Grab and pull, baby!
Karens last blog post..My Child Won’t Live To See The Light Of Another Day
May 14th, 2008 @ 8:17 am
Seriously I would love to hang out with you and your hubs for a weekend and see all the crazy shit you put each other through! You guys are awesome!
amys last blog post..Nursing is NOT in her future
May 14th, 2008 @ 10:39 am
This is hilarious!
May 14th, 2008 @ 12:57 pm
Too bad your “red faced” husband didn’t come up with a comeback.
“Why yes sir, that is an exact replica of my dick, wanna see?”
mps last blog post..Breakdown of body and sole.. otherwise known as getting older.
May 14th, 2008 @ 2:07 pm
I carry a penis eraser in my purse. We could be best friends!
Jennifers last blog post..Cake!
May 14th, 2008 @ 2:51 pm
Why? Why? Why didn’t you post this sooner!? Do you know how much better a penis magnet would have been as a B-day gift for my hubby than the Krazy Glue I gave him??? *sigh*
Sandy (Momisodes)s last blog post..Finding Inner Peace…
May 14th, 2008 @ 5:20 pm
This was too funny. Any metallic surfaces on the dashboard of his car?
Fleas last blog post..Graduating
May 14th, 2008 @ 6:15 pm
This was great! he he he
You totally have to put it some place where he would least expect it! hmmm????
Marys last blog post..Tools in the Hands of Fools
May 14th, 2008 @ 6:16 pm
Note to self: Purchase a peen magnet for everyone you know to test who TRULY loves you and will put it on their fridge.
Burgh Babys last blog post..What Dat?
May 14th, 2008 @ 6:38 pm
bonified. ha, ha. love that dorky word.
Eve Greys last blog post..Pull me out of the lake
May 15th, 2008 @ 2:24 am
If ever there were a post screaming out for a picture, this is it!
May 15th, 2008 @ 9:31 am
Oh, dear child, where oh where have you been. You write exactly the way I talk. I love your blog and will so be back. You just gave me the ammo for some of my hubby stories. I have a wind up peen. When you wind it up it hops all across the table. I also have a peen shaped lipstick!
ettaroses last blog post..Tuesday Link Love
May 15th, 2008 @ 10:27 am
Yes, he got what he deserved!! I mean who hides a penius magnent from someone. Who does that. It just isn’t right!!
Heathers last blog post..Summer Break - K.I.T.
May 15th, 2008 @ 11:46 am
I actually NEED one of those; I mean, it is about the only way I can get any penis (besides those of my three sons, that is) to stay in my house for any length of time. But I am too embarrassed to even go into one of those stores, soo….
Koris last blog post..Photos: Part 1
May 15th, 2008 @ 12:00 pm
Bahahahahaha! That’s great! You should duct tape it to his license plate on his car!
My favorite line: ‘It just stood out’.
HA!
Danielle-Lees last blog post..Fragile
May 15th, 2008 @ 3:51 pm
Oh man I need to get a peen magnet, what a great kitchen topic when people come over, Ha!
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May 15th, 2008 @ 4:08 pm
That would give my poor mother-in-law a heart attack.
Momo Falis last blog post..I Didn’t Say Aye Matey
May 15th, 2008 @ 8:08 pm
LMAO! You are a nut!
Here is the link to the plugin you asked about:
http://www.joostdevalk.nl/wordpress/sociable/
Marias last blog post..WTFs, Man?
June 10th, 2008 @ 3:52 pm
I can only imagine what else you found in a naughty store in redneck country…
I’m with you though, he loved it and wanted it on the fridge!
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