Sometimes I wish that when I first started this blog I had given my husband and daughter code names, maybe something ridiculous like the Ginger and  the Snotzy or my husband and the kid. I guess I would have thought of some incognito code name, but when I started writing this, I was fairly certain that I would be the only person that ever read it. Since I know their names, this didn’t seem like an issue for me.

When people do have nicknames for their children, I’m always curious about how they managed to spin up the appropriate pseudonym.  So if you have them for yourself or your child, how did you come up with them?

Is it hard for you to keep it all real while using pseudonyms? Are you ever like, ” then *insert random pseudonym* said something hilarious today, and then he/she jumped over a rainbow while riding a tyrannosaurus rex.”  Totally joking about this whole paragraph, just for the clarification (sort of).

On a completely separate, but partially related, note:

Recently, I was reading an article discussing the most humiliating baby names of all time. The names were genuine, legal names reported in Census reports over the years. Some of them made me roll on the floor with laughter, and some of them made me feel worlds of sorry for the people stuck with these names.

• Acne Fountain
• Mary A. Jerk
• Ima Whore (I am so serious that this was on the list.)
• Fanny Whiffer
• Harry Pitts
• Lard Mooney
• Naught E. Bishop
• Leper Priest
• Kathryn E. Coli (born 1894)

The following are prank names that were used by Bart Simpons on the Simpons, but have actually been documented as the true legal names of individuals once existing.

• I. P Freely
• Oliver Clothesoff
• Anita Bath
• Hugh Jass
• Mike Rotch
• Maya Buttreeks
• Amanda Hugginkiss

I suppose if I had to be stuck with any of these names, I would probably pick Amanda Hugginkiss.  Since my name is Amanda already, and my last name begins with an ‘H’.

If you had to be saddled with any of the names in the lists above, absolutely had to, which would you pick? Would you go for a raunchier, more humiliating name for the comedic effect or the least damaging of the list?

Recently, I was perusing the various search terms that have served as a vehicle for people to arrive at this site. As usual, some of them are pretty outrageous, and all are quite hilarious.

• ‘Poop in my mouth‘ - You know, I’m wondering if this was a question or a demand. Was the person like, “Poop in my mouth?” or “POOP IN MY MOUTH!” I’m terribly curious. Either way, I’m sure the person did not stay for very long, because there is no pooping in mouths going on here.
• ‘What to eat to get leg hair’ -Oh, what a poor soul. I imagine this was some poor pubescent boy longing to have hair on his legs as long as his classmates. At least I hope so. Just in case he is searching again, *Cantaloupe will aid in leg hair growth.
• metallic pants - Once again, no! I will never wear or recommend metallic pants. I don’t care who, what, when, where, or why people occasionally claim they are in style, fashionable, or attractive in any way. I refuse to ever look like the tinsel of a Christmas tree. Just say no to metallic pants.
• slutty sorority songs-None here, but I do have a post about the time I dropped out of a sorority. I think it’s a good read.
• how to clean poop off of a sofa- Yes, unfortunately, I am familiar with the area of poop on sofas. And it was my former neighbor.
• pictures of red headed indians- Okay, for some reason, this one made me laugh really, really hard.
• i always watch secretly when my mom wears bra- I don’t even know where to start here. Send this person help, immediately.
• sleepwalking peed in my shoe- Okay, okay. I know why this one brought them here.
• wife tasers husband- This is always a possiblity. See search below.
• husband is messy- Um, yes, yes, and yes.
• tailbone strained from shoveling snow-no, you will find none of that here. But she is familiar with snow shoveling injuries.
• snoop dog best friend growing up- I have no idea about this one, dear sirs. However, I will shamelessly admit that I watch his show about being a parent on E! I will also shamelessly admit that I like the E! channel.
• don’t diss me sister- I love that someone searched this and it brought them here. I say the word ‘diss’ like it is going out of style, when in fact, it has probably been out of style for umpteen years.
• imitation genitalia-hahahahahahahaha.

*This is a complete lie. I have no idea if Cantaloupe would aid in leg hair growth, but I seriously doubt it. Someone had to give that poor boy some hope.

PS. If you haven’t entered my contest, there is still time. You can always donate the gift card to charity if you aren’t interested in it.

In lieu of any actual blog material, I’m going to post some tid-bits from Allie recently. The past few days have been insanely busy, and the craziness looks as if it intends to continue on into the weekend.

Allie: My booty’s kind of hurting.

Me: Why?

Allie: Well…I just been diggin’ it.

Me: Diggin’ it??

Allie: Yeah, you know, just diggin’ my crack.

Such a modest girl.  She takes after her father.
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Allie: Mom, will you take me to Hollywood?

Me: Hollywood? You’re three years old. What do you know about Hollywood?

Allie: That’s where Dolly Parton lives?!?

Me: OH, you mean Dollywood?

Allie: Yeah, that’s what I said. Dollywood. I love Dolly Parton.

Me: ?!?!?

Yes, for those of you that just tuned in, Allie has recently become a die hard Dolly fan?
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Allie: Mommy, I’ve got a baby in my belly?

Me: WHAT?

Allie: a baby. in my belly.

Me: you do? What sort of baby?

Allie: two of them. A brother and a sister.

Me: a brother and a sister for who?

Allie: just for my own self. *insert smug face*

Me: :Well, good luck  That’s the only way you’re getting a brother and a sister for the next few years.

Allie: whatever. *eye roll*

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Me: Allie, do you want to go outside and slide?

Allie: Your mom does.

Yes, I got your mommed earlier this week. Thanks, Adam.

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Sometimes I wonder if she has a snowball’s chance in hell of being normal. I sort of hope not. I love how quirky she is for just three, and I’m really happy that I’m raising my child in a house where laughter is the prevailing sound. I love my little crack-diggin’ girl.

I am participating in the great blog hunt. Here are the rules in case you are unfamiliar with it.

“How it will work: Each blog will have a clue obvious or hidden on their website that will give the contestant an “item” from their site. It will obviously not be a physical object, but a picture of something that represents the site. The contestant is then directed to the next site on the hunt to find another object. To complete the hunt the contestant will email all the items to finish@greatbloghunt.com and the winner will be chosen at random from all the entries. ”

Good Luck finding the picture!

Meanwhile, participating or not, you should watch this: