My Child Will Taunt You in the Bathroom
- April 13th, 2008 8:58 pm
For some reason, Allie thinks that part of going to eat at a restaurant is using their restroom. It’s a MUST to her. If we go out to eat, she absolutely has to use their restroom. Call it toddler bladder or call it a form of torture. It’s up to you.
Anyway, when we ventured into the first stall of the two-stall restroom it was quite obvious the second stall was occupied. However, the occupant decided to make it more obvious with obscenely loud flatulence. Now, I realize that it’s normally to hear such noises in a restroom. I also realize that it is the silent bathroom code that under no condition do yout comment on the loud noises coming from the stall next door.
Do you know who doesn’t realize this?
Allie.
As the noises escalated, I began to worry about the person in the stall next door. Were they okay? Could they possibly be okay when their body was producing noises of that nature?
Allie decided to cut to the chase, and as she yelled, " MOM? DO YOU HEAR THAT?? I BET THEY ARE POOPING!! THOSE ARE LOUD POOTS!! LOUD ONES!"
I shushed her and whispered to her that it wasn’t nice to call people out in public restrooms. But you can’t really reason with toddlers in situations like that. And well, who could blame her.
So she yelled again, "BUT IT’S SO LOUD MOM! THOSE ARE THE LOUDEST POOTS EVER! HEY! HEY PERSON! ARE YOU POOPING?? I POOP! I CAN POOP TOO!"
Of course, there was still no answer from the stall next door, and I decided that it was in my best interest to exit the restroom as quickly as possible. So we washed our hands. And as we were approaching the door Allie deemed it necessary to get in one more jab to the stall occupant, and yelled again, "I STILL HEAR YOU POOPING! I KNOW YOU ARE POOPING, BUT MY MOM SAID I’M NOT APPOSED TO SAY THAT!"
As I opened the door, I heard the stall occupant mumble, "sorry."
April 13th, 2008 @ 9:13 pm
That’s awesome! My favourite experience is when my daughter announced very loudly, while I was in a dressing room at a clothing store, “MOMMY! YOU HAVE A HOLE IN YOUR UNDERWEAR!!!!” What can I say? It was laundry day.
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April 13th, 2008 @ 9:20 pm
Hahaha!! And how did you not crack up the whole time? lol
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April 13th, 2008 @ 9:21 pm
LOL! omg I am totally peeing my pants right now, that is so funny. I am both dreading and looking forward to Maggie talking to see what she comes up with to embarrass us
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April 13th, 2008 @ 9:21 pm
I’m sorry, but that is TOO cute!
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April 13th, 2008 @ 9:22 pm
HELL yes!
You know, I always wondered why people try to somehow hide the fact that they’re pooping in public restrooms. You know what I mean . . . they wait silently for everybody else to leave so they can do it. Come on, I KNOW you’re pooping in there. Just do it, mmmkay? We all gotta poop.
I wish I could totally call people out like she did.
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April 13th, 2008 @ 10:21 pm
ROFL!
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April 13th, 2008 @ 10:30 pm
omg, i almost peed myself reading this!
That is so funny!!!!
I do feel a little bad for the person in the next stall though, but I am sure they have forgotten about it already!
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April 14th, 2008 @ 12:35 am
I am rolling! Rolling!
Toots would have done the exact same thing. She’s the one who screamed, “Mom, look at that lady’s huge butt!” in the middle of Home Depot.
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April 14th, 2008 @ 1:21 am
I already avoid public bathrooms whenever possible, even if I know that usually nobody will be saying anything about any of it. Whatever progress I may have made on this phobia? You’ve just set me back. A lot. But meanwhile I’m laughing my ass off too much to care.
How did you not wet yourself laughing?
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April 14th, 2008 @ 3:27 am
I second Maggie’s questions here, how in the world did you not wet yourself from laughing? That is so funny! I once took my friends little boy to the restroom. It wasn’t one of those stall thingys, just a single restroom. He was so intent on doing it himself and I was all for that but and I was so paranoid that he would touch something in the rather yucky bathroom that I kept telling him, “now don’t touch anything!” FInally fed up, he turned to me and in the loudest voice ever yelled, “Aunt Dingo, I have to touch my penis!!” I hoped no one else heard but when we walked out the faces of the people in line for the restroom told me otherwise.
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April 14th, 2008 @ 4:58 am
I LOVE KIDS’ BRAINS.
part of me will seriously be sad when my Toddler Tornado gets that (*sigh*) filter and begins an internal monologue.
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April 14th, 2008 @ 5:40 am
That’s hilarious! I think I would have cracked up if I had been the poop-er.
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April 14th, 2008 @ 5:45 am
Oh… my… I’m dying here… I couldn’t stop laughing while reading your entire post – because I could see the same thing happening to me with my daughter…
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April 14th, 2008 @ 6:56 am
hehehe. The age of unfiltered honesty. hahahaha.
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April 14th, 2008 @ 8:19 am
Thanks for a much deserved belly-laugh first thing Monday morning. How do you ever discipline someone SO funny?
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April 14th, 2008 @ 8:30 am
That is SO funny. I was in a restaraunt with my wife. This lady and her little girl came back to their table. The little girl leaned over to her Daddy and said,’Mommy had me run the drier so nobody would hear her fluff.’
Mommy was horrified.
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April 14th, 2008 @ 10:20 am
LMAO – that is hilarious! There are occasions when you know the person in the stall next to you is pooping and my daughter will hold her nose and complain how badly it STINKS and “oh my gosh, mommy, it’s so [gag] stinky [gag] I can’t even go pee [gag] it’s so [gag] STINKY!”
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April 14th, 2008 @ 10:24 am
I think if I’d been the lady in the stall I would’ve been laughing my fool head off. Kids are so funny.
(Came over via Zoot’s “Shared Items”)
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April 14th, 2008 @ 11:10 am
Bathroom or not, sometimes things just need to be said. Allie rocks.
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April 14th, 2008 @ 11:13 am
Oh My!! Thank goodness at 8 my stepson tends to go with his dad now..
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April 14th, 2008 @ 11:16 am
That is so funny! Kids really do say the funniest things!
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April 14th, 2008 @ 11:39 am
OMG! That is the funniest thing I have read in a long time!
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April 14th, 2008 @ 12:22 pm
She sounds like my stepson……..if it’s true, then I must say it!
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April 14th, 2008 @ 1:30 pm
I just laughed out loud at my desk. That is so comical, and totally something my kid (and probably many other kids) would do!
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April 14th, 2008 @ 1:57 pm
frankly, I would have joined in with her in mocking the pooper.
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April 14th, 2008 @ 2:33 pm
Oh my gosh that is so hilairous!
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April 14th, 2008 @ 2:46 pm
Oh, Lordy! I think I would’ve died. And, you have proved once again why I refuse to poop in public.
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April 14th, 2008 @ 3:01 pm
I cringe when I read this because I know my day is coming.
Whether I will be the shushing mom, or the person in the other stall trying to recover from Kashi Go Lean, remains to be seen.
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April 14th, 2008 @ 3:07 pm
LOL that’s hilarious! I imagine that I could would be able to do in a situation like that is laugh. Kids are great.
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April 14th, 2008 @ 3:10 pm
So it was you, eh? So I had the beans at lunch. What’s it to ya?
(awesome post!)
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April 14th, 2008 @ 3:21 pm
LOL with tears streaming down my cheeks. So funny.
When Lydia as a child she too had a fascination for bathrooms. When she was old enough (and in a trusted place) she would excuse herself and go by herself. She would be gone so long I would go in search. She would just be there sitting in the chairs or looking into the mirror. Never figured out what was so fascinating for her. But she never ever talked to the other occupants.
Your daughter is charming.
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April 14th, 2008 @ 3:47 pm
LOL – that is TOO Funny!! I love it….
That so just brightened my day, LOL!!!!
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April 14th, 2008 @ 4:17 pm
OMG… that was too funny. Kids, you just can’t make stuff like that up. She is priceless.
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April 14th, 2008 @ 4:45 pm
Haha!!! OH, she’s a cutie … can’t get anything past her, eh?
Whenever I bring little G into any public washroom I always hope it’s empty. Because she always comments too, ” Mommy, it’s stinky in here. Does that person have a sick tummy ‘cuz their poo poo stinks really bad!” I wish I could hide inside a 3 year old’s body too just to tell it like it is!
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April 14th, 2008 @ 6:21 pm
That’s gotta be the best Monday Story “ve ever read. Thanks for that!
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April 14th, 2008 @ 8:12 pm
Oh I can so wait for little scenes like that
How did you keep from rolling on the floor or dying from shame?
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April 14th, 2008 @ 8:51 pm
Aren’t you so proud to be a mommy at times like that? too funny.
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April 14th, 2008 @ 9:16 pm
It’s called Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Ever hear of it?
You HAD to go an blast my farts across the whole internets.
I am so embarrassed.
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April 14th, 2008 @ 9:17 pm
i usually chuckle inside…but i could not help but have a loud outward laugh with this. your daughter is the best! i am just waiting for mine to verbalize like that too in public….oh the joys!
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April 14th, 2008 @ 9:32 pm
I would like to invite your daughter to my place of work. Perhaps her taunting will teach others to do their business at home.
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April 14th, 2008 @ 10:53 pm
Hilarious! Kids often say what we’re all thinking, but can’t say ourselves…
When I was toilet training my daughter I would congratulate her for a job well done and often when we went to a public bathroom if I had to go too, she would exclaim “Well done, Mummy!” for everyone to hear. Nothing like having your own personal cheer squad!
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April 14th, 2008 @ 11:40 pm
Come on.. you told her to say that stuff.. admit it!
lol
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April 15th, 2008 @ 1:32 am
the chick in the next stall deserved it. Hold it in till you get home for chrissakes.
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April 15th, 2008 @ 11:40 am
that was the funniest thing i have read in a while. i am going to send it on to all of my friends with kids.
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April 15th, 2008 @ 2:12 pm
ROFL! This made my laugh so f’ing hard! I can’t stop imagining how embarrassed you must have been! Yes, I remember those say-what-Im-thinking days with my daughter. Oh man, this is classic!
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April 15th, 2008 @ 5:15 pm
Oh. My. Gawd!!! That was so hilarious! They ALWAYS know the perfect time to say the most inappropriate things
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April 15th, 2008 @ 8:13 pm
What a funny girl you have. What would she say about the bearded lady that works at our library?
Hmmmm…..
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April 16th, 2008 @ 10:42 pm
I love this story. It reminds me of when my wife took our (at that time) 2 year old daughter to the restroom in a restaurant. She was finishing up by washing her hands when this lady walked out of a stall and started to just leave. My daughter said “Hey lady, you need to wash your hands!” My wife died of embarassment.
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April 17th, 2008 @ 11:20 am
Oh my word, I am at work, and the laughter is threatening to take over! I’m sitting here doing that fake cough thing, so that no one will know I’m laughing my @ss off at the internet!
I was prepared at the beginning of your post to mention something about how my children MUST go potty everywhere we go (My husband calls it “Potty Tour 2008″) – but after reading the entire post, I realize that I have nothing which could compare to that.
Terrific story.
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April 17th, 2008 @ 2:31 pm
OMG, I just laughed at my desk soooo hard. What an adorable little girl. Hey, when it’s true, it’s true, right??
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April 18th, 2008 @ 2:59 pm
If the person in the stall had any sense of humor what-so-ever she would have continued the poop banter with your kiddo. How effing funny would that be???
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April 19th, 2008 @ 8:20 pm
OMG that is the funniest thing I have heard in a looooong time!!!
Poor lady….
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April 20th, 2008 @ 2:04 am
That is so hilarious! I have a similar story that this reminds me of. I found your site from Sarah at http://www.alittlelessordinary.com and I will certainly be back
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April 22nd, 2008 @ 9:52 pm
Oh my gosh… the things I have to look forward to! So funny!
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April 23rd, 2008 @ 2:30 pm
ok, so thanks for the disclaimer. remind me to NEVER EVER read your blog again when i’m in a meeting. tears are leaking out of my eyes as i hold laughter in…
a very similar story happened to me with my daughter. how did you NOT laugh? i mean really?!?!?
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May 1st, 2008 @ 8:39 am
I think all kids have a fascination with bathrooms. No matter where we are, my son automatically has to “go potty”. My daughter was the same. But I have to admit, it was that fascination with “other potties” that finally coaxed my son to learn to potty train. He wouldn’t go at home, but we were travelling…by the time we got back home, he was almost fully trained!
And those comments? They’re worse when your kids make them about YOU. I absolutely hated having to take them in with me during “that time”…they set the entire bathrooms snickering. May as well have tattooed “on the rag” on my forehead.
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May 1st, 2008 @ 11:48 am
My daughter had to use the restroom at the mall every time we went shopping. Used to drive me nuts.
I had a friend who had a partial colostomy and had a colostomy bag for a while. After that healed they sewed it all back together but she said she had very loud and long gas attacks after that. Couldn’t help it. I wonder if that lady was going thru the same thing. Yeah, and kids would comment on it when they heard her. You gotta love ‘em.
Carol
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May 1st, 2008 @ 11:48 am
Oh wow! Kids are TOO MUCH sometimes! Poor stall pooper!
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May 1st, 2008 @ 1:29 pm
classic !!!
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May 1st, 2008 @ 1:29 pm
classic
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May 1st, 2008 @ 10:12 pm
Oh, you made me snort and cry I laughed so hard. Thanks for sharing!
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May 2nd, 2008 @ 12:15 pm
That is one of the funniest stories I have read in a long time!
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May 2nd, 2008 @ 2:18 pm
The world has just stopped spinning because I missed a bathroom humor blog post. How did that happen! Oh, I think I was on vacation.
This is hilarious! Congrats on the PPA
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May 9th, 2008 @ 7:48 am
Oh my…my…my…my! I am in love with Allie’s mind. LOVE THAT story. She just said all the things adults would Like to say but wouldn’t dare. So rock on little Allie! Great job!
Juicy Jenn
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petroville » blog archive » a perfect post - april ‘08
May 31st, 2008 @ 8:52 pm
[...] the list of this month’s winners: Suburban Turmoil awarded Shamelessly Sassy Oh, The Joys awarded Ivy Brown’s Stoop Suebob awarded As Seen From Up Here What Was I [...]
shamelesslysassy.com | blog archives | how did i get here?
July 12th, 2008 @ 9:08 pm
[...] if someone was in my bidness. Now, I tell the internet what kind of underwear I wear or what my child says in public restrooms [...]
July 12th, 2008 @ 11:08 pm
OMG…that is so funny. But I feel your pain. We were in the restaurant bathroom when the stall next to us did the same thing…to which my 3 yo said. “momma that’s a big daddy toot” I got her out of there as soon as possible
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July 14th, 2008 @ 12:24 am
Not only am I lmao right now, you can bet I would’ve done so if I was the lady in the other stall. I say be proud of it; it’s a skill and an art form!
Anns last blog post..The Ribbon Retreat
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August 30th, 2008 @ 8:02 am
Interesting how people see somethings the same
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November 12th, 2008 @ 9:50 pm
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