Once upon a time, when I worked at a retail store, I was a supervisor for men’s suits and dress clothing. Part of my job was to measure and mark the suits for alterations. Now, marking pants for alterations often entailed bending down in front of a man-stranger’s nether regions for extended amounts of time with measuring tapes, rulers, chalk, and bobby pins. (what a combination!)
Come on, you know you can smell the embarrassment already.
One day, while knee deep into measuring for some man-stranger’s new Spring suit. Some big pile of crazy ran in blabbing about how some idiot had forgotten to put a truck into park. And that some nice stranger had stopped the rolling truck after it rolled through FIVE rows of empty parking lot by placing a car jack under it. He almost mentioned that the stranger needed the jack back, so could we please make announcement.
I made the announcement with ten shades of sarcasm in my voice, because surely, the dummy who did that needed to experience this sarcasm as some sort of punishment for their irresponsibility.
Then, I went back and ranted on about it to the man-stranger.
“Oh my goodness, what idiot would NOT put a car in park? Seriously. That is so dangerous and inconsiderate. WHO DOES THAT?”
The man-stranger agreed. He thought was both dangerous and inconsiderate. Mostly, he just wanted to get through all the poking and prodding I was doing with the pins and rulers safely. It probably isn’t all that comfortable to have a stranger that close to your privates with sharp needle like devices.
Suddenly, just as I was finally drawing the chalk lines to mark for the bottom hem length,the 12 inch from the ground mark for you people who know what I speak of, I had an epiphany. Well, more like a relapse.
You see, at the time, my husband and I lived in a house with a driveway that was one car width wide. One of our vehicles was always blocking the other into the space. So his truck had blocked me in that morning.
As a result, I had driven it to work.
And yes, it was the runaway pick-up that had been barreling down the parking lot. The one that was so, “dangerous and inconsiderate.”
You see, I wasn’t familiar with driving it, and it for some reason it would catch just as you were putting it into to park to make you think it was. Additionally, the parking lot was rather flat, so it took a while (about 2 hours) for it to start rolling.
I will forever feel like an idiot.
I’ve been dying to hold a contest, because I love to give stuff away. And since I am sure hoping that I am not alone in doing idiot things (or maybe I am?) I am proposing this contest:
To win a $100 Visa gift card, redeemable anywhere that accepts Visa, you can make an entry about a time you were a complete idiot. Now, I mean in a funny way. I’m not giving away a Visa gift card to hear about the time you didn’t call some girl you liked in 7th grade, and she went out with Tommy Johnson instead of you and you felt like an idiot.
I mean, I didn’t put a truck in park and it almost barreled over a few people, kind of idiot. OR, I sharted in front of my boss, kind of idiot. Or, something else totally funny/embarassing.
In your entry, link back here. Also, leave a link here in the comments section to your entry. If you do not have a blog, just leave the story in the comment section. As an option, you can also place the button below in your entry or sidebar for fun.
You should enter. After all, everyone, except probably your lawn boy and your common bootlegger, excepts Visa. So the prize is good almost everywhere. Additionally, if you do not want the $100, but want to win or enter the contest, you can use the card to donate to the charity of you choice. Or you can use it to buy donuts, shoe strings, razors, expensive shampoo, shoes, or just a single shoe depending on your taste. It’s totally up to you.
Oh, last but not least, the winner of the gift card will be chosen by my husband on April 15th. I’ll let him read through them and pick, because he loves to hear about people being idiots. So you have until April 15th to post your entry, and link back to it here in the comments.
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