Recently, I was reading the latest issue of Glamour, when I stumbled upon an interesting little tid-bit. It was one of those itty-bitties that is hidden on the bottom corner of the page. You could possibly miss it if you flipped through too fast or if you got caught up smelling all of the new perfume samplings.
Not that I do either of those things…*cough*
Anyhow, back to business, the little tidbit was part of a question answer section with an OB/GYN. The question that got my attention was this one,
“Do ob-gyns expect women to be groomed and waxed down there?”
I thought the answer would be something along the lines of, “Of course, we are not interested in gals unleashing their mega-bushes, spread eagle on our table. I hate having my eyeballs gouged out by stray hairs.”
But that wasn’t the answer.
I know.
But, really, how many times have you thought about this whole fiasco before you ventured off to the one that examines your nether regions? I don’t necessarily mean that you wondered what they expected, but you know, groomed yourself for the appointment . Or maybe you didn’t groom yourself in fear of what they might think.
(I never know with you ladies. For all I know, some of you probably have your hair trimmed into shapes resembling lightening bolts.)
Maybe this sounds silly to you?
Probably, it does. If it doesn’t, why are you so damned secure about someone inserting tools into your privates?
Really, for most of us, the privates doctor is the only person aside from the person we are doing the horizontal (and sometimes vertical) tango with that sees our lady bits. It only seems natural to be somewhat nervous, and even concerned, about the display of our privates.
Now, for those of you not indulging in Glamour, I will share with you her answers.
In reply to the initial question, the privates doctor, Dr. Hilda Hutcherson says that ob-gyns rarely pay attention to the appearance of your party barn, because they are too busy trying to stare down your vulva. (I promise I paraphrased that. She did not say stare down your vulva. That was all me. I. am. inappropriate.)
The person asking questions was apparently as in doubt as I, because I fail to believe if someone busts out a huge mega-bush they would definitely notice, and be as disgusted as someone who is eye to eye with vaginas all day could possibly be.
They then asked, ” You really don’t even noticed the way we look?”
Dr. Hutcherson then replied that, ” If your hair is so long that it gets in the way of the speculum, we may notice, but we won’t judge you.”
Whatever, they are so judging with you are when you super hair syndrome.
She went on to add that, “…if you’re bald as the day you were born, it’ll only get my attention because it’s different.”
Maybe it’s just me, but I found this whole little thing interesting. I have always wondered if ob-gyns judged their patients by their privates. True Story.
To close, because this post is apparently going no where appropriate, but I must post it due to the time spent writing it, I am leaving you with this hilarious story I’ve received via email about 3000 times, even from my grandma, about privates grooming.
I was due later that week for an appointment with the gynecologist when early one morning I received a call from his office: I had been rescheduled for early that morning at 9:30am. I had just packed everyone off to work and school and it was around 8:45 already.
The trip to his office usually took about 35 minutes so I didn’t have any time to spare. As most women do, I’m sure, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn’t going to be able to make the full effort. So I rushed upstairs, threw off my dressing gown, wet the washcloth and gave myself a wash in “that area” in front of the sink, taking extra care to make sure that I was presentable.
I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment. I was in the waiting room only a few minutes when he called me in. Knowing the procedure, as I am sure you all do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended I was in Hawaii or some other place a million miles away from here. I was a little surprised when he said:
“My…we have taken a little extra effort this morning, haven’t we?” but I didn’t respond. The appointment over, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day went normal, some shopping, cleaning and the evening meal, etc.
At 8:30 that evening my 14 year old daughter was fixing to go to a school dance, when she called down from the bathroom, “Mom - where’s my washcloth?” I called back for her to get another from the cabinet.
She called back, “No - I need the one that was here by the sink. It had all my glitter and sparkles in it.”
Okay, this is GREAT! Thank you for posting about something we all think/worry/agonize/stress over. I love this topic. You handled it with just the right amount of decorum and humor. Loved it!
Jenna Consolo’s last blog post..My Lack-of-Separation Anxiety
February 26th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
Freaking party barn. ba ha ha hahhahaha.. I am pissing over here.. You my dear deserve the hand clap.. this was freaking brilliant..LOL
I am one that obessess over this crap..though I need to kick it up if others are doing lighting bolts..LOL
Kim’s last blog post..Project365/17
February 26th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
PARTY BARN??!!! BWAHAHAHAHA. And yes, I have wondered. Good to know.
Natalie’s last blog post..Work it, Baby!
February 26th, 2008 at 8:52 pm
LOL, this is hilarious.
I probably need to try a bit harder as I would hate to be that patient with that “super hair syndrome”!
Missy’s last blog post..Picky Eater
February 26th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
OMG! I am dying!!!! I so needed this. And to think I was just thinking about this the other day! LOL!!!!
Coleen’s last blog post..Every bad mood has a silver lining
February 26th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
That story was great. It was probably the most amusing thing I read all day I think.
Kristen’s last blog post..I think my camera broke
February 26th, 2008 at 10:16 pm
This may be terrible to say but I have completely given up on trying to ‘impress’ my docs. I’ll go to my appoints during my stubbly in between waxing phases and not bat an eye. They don’t care. As long as you don’t stink, they really don’t care. At least…I don’t think they do.
LunaNik’s last blog post..I have finally made the cover of Vogue…
February 26th, 2008 at 10:16 pm
I’ve seen the bottom part, too. I knew it was coming cause I have ESP like that. And, A, before the Boy Wonder, I got all waxed and pretty for when the watermelon came out my butt.
Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..From the Red (flash)Light District
February 26th, 2008 at 10:19 pm
I’m still going to make sure it’s lookin’ good. LOL.
Maria [Immoral Matriarch]’s last blog post..Ask Anything
February 26th, 2008 at 10:23 pm
Party barn!! I love you.
Maggie’s last blog post..Tom Update, Explained
February 26th, 2008 at 10:26 pm
Wow, who knew the hubs was a farmer!!
I tend to do a little tending around the barnyard before I go to the lady bits doctor…not for them mostly for my comfort…now I’m going to wonder what is to long party barn hair…did she give a length?
Melissa’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday or Helping Daddy Play RockBand…
February 26th, 2008 at 10:46 pm
I have NEVER considered this and don’t give a rat’s patootie what they think now that you have. I’ve even gone for a pap smear and not shaved my legs much less anything else. I know this makes me some kind of freak but I am okay with that. Apparently some women hide their panties under their clothes or in their purse when they go to the doctor and I figure they already KNOW I wear panties so why hide it?
janethesane’s last blog post..The End of my Marriage and other Tales
February 26th, 2008 at 10:47 pm
I’ve heard 300 versions of that story, and it’s still funny. I read an article recently about urban legends, and this one came up. The author said that Carmen Electra went on some talk show (Letterman?) and told the story in first person. When the host told her it was a well-known urban legend, she apparently kept claiming it was true.
I get my yearlys done by my Midwife who has watched me birth 3 babies. So at least the whole weird-uncomfortable thing is no longer there.
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February 26th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
I’ve been lurking around here for a few weeks, but today I thought I’d comment…
I’ve seen the joke before, and it makes me chuckle every time. Mostly because I used to be the person sitting on the stool wielding the tools and “checking out the party barn”. (Where did you come up with that one??? *grin*) Trust me, the only things that have ever stood out to me are bad smells, interesting piercings, and Brazilian waxes (they’re actually not as common as you might think). Sparkles, though? They’d definitely be memorable.
Latte Mommy’s last blog post..Pee My Pants, Part Two!
February 27th, 2008 at 12:43 am
Hee hee! I have heard that before, but it still makes me giggle!
Veronica’s last blog post..Full of Sunshine and Stuff
February 27th, 2008 at 5:35 am
Come to think of it, maybe THAT is why my doctor kept asking if I had any “new sexual partners in the past year”….I had forgotten that I have been paying special attention to the landscaping around the party barn, of late. For him, though, it was new
Christine’s last blog post..Black Magic Woman
February 27th, 2008 at 6:56 am
Hey Amanda - This morning (you know, hours later) I realized my comment might sound a little cranky and I didn’t mean it to be! I do love that story at the end because I can picture that happening to me. There was an even funnier comment on Pioneer Woman once about a woman getting an Elvis postage stamp stuck there accidentally once and I still nearly cry whenever I think of it. Anyway, if I sounded cranky it wasn’t at you!
janethesane’s last blog post..The End of my Marriage and other Tales
February 27th, 2008 at 7:42 am
I roll every time I read that e-mail!
This was interesting to read, thanks
I’ve always wondered.
rachel’s last blog post..Hard headed child meets harder brick fireplace
February 27th, 2008 at 9:03 am
That was a great post! And I’ve never seen that e:mail before.
Very intersting commentary on a very important subject. We need to know these things, because our mommas will never tell us…
Karen MEG (Pomtini)’s last blog post..Favourite Posts Meme
February 27th, 2008 at 9:06 am
Cool. Now the next time Annie says, “Hey, you left the barn door open.” or “You let the horse out of the barn again.” (which, I admit, she does have the opportunity to say, now and again) I can say, “Well let’s check and see if he ran into the party barn.”
lceel’s last blog post..Just shoot me
February 27th, 2008 at 9:19 am
I’m a girl who gets Brazilians so naturally there’s no tending needed for the doctor. I am however very careful that I’m clean and fresh for my waxer. This even determines which shoes I must wear for the appointment as I would rather die than have offensive foot odor.
February 27th, 2008 at 10:53 am
That story is HILARIOUS!
You know, I never really thought about grooming my naughty bits for the gyno. The thing I always worry about is my feet. I used to run a lot and I’d go in with tons of callouses and blisters and I just felt so bad for the poor doctor trapped down there staring at my grossness.
(And no, I never leave my socks on–perversely, it seems to make me feel even more naked…)
Jen’s last blog post..Weekly Goal Support Group Membership Drive
February 27th, 2008 at 11:20 am
it took me a minute…but i got it…that was hilarious!!
and…i’ve always…seriously…wondered about that. what the doctor is thinking about the bush!! next time i go…i am spiking it and dying it purple…just to see if he notices!!!
February 27th, 2008 at 11:31 am
Oh, my, gosh. That is hilarious. Glittery girly parts.
I’m glad I’m not the only person who wonders about these things. I always hope my OB thought my place looked okay!
RubiaLala’s last blog post..Date Night
February 27th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
omg i am laughing so hard!! nothing says “i like to party” like a little glitter!! wooot wooot!
oh this was too funny!!
HolleeAnn’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
February 27th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
The answer the doctor gave makes sense…why should they care…it is a clinical process after all.
I am sure that proctologists don’t care how hairy a guy’s butt is…do they?
Bradley
The Egel Nest
the egel nest’s last blog post..“Dear Brad the Stay At Home Dad” © 2/26/08
February 27th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
thank you, honey!! that’s so sweet of you!!
xoxo
February 27th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
ROTFLMBO! Oh my gosh! Now I’ve never had this issue.. well, because (can I say this here?) I don’t have “much.” Um.. *kicking the dirt nervously* I do have to be squeaky clean though. That’s what I’ve always wondered about. I do hope that other women at least go in clean. And that email is one of my favorites!
Rene’s last blog post..BORBA Skin Care Products
February 27th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
HAHAHAHAHAAH……..
I’ve never gotten that email!
LMBO
Beth
Beth from Around the Funny Farm’s last blog post..Adventures in cooking…
February 27th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
I never even thought about it. I wonder if that makes me inconsiderate. I also don’t stress out about the doctor weighing me. I guess I really don’t care what they think of me as long as I’m reasonably healthy.
Sadia’s last blog post..Have I mentioned recently how much I love my neighbours?
February 27th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
I work for a GYN, the only thing we notice is when a lady is dirty, hmmmm, not wiping good enough after going to the bathroom, and when a lady pass’ gas as the doctor is down there !
February 27th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
You know, I’ve received that glittery e-mail a few times myself….
I think I’m going try the glittery thing just to see if he says anything. After giving birth 4 tims, I have no shame!
Heather J.’s last blog post..Moron Mommy Strikes Again
February 27th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
The picture in my head right now is priceless. It’s barbie bush!
Lottifish’s last blog post..Job Hunting
February 27th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
I’ll admit that I’ve thought of this and have seen that email before. I’ve never mowed around the Party Barn *lol* prior to giving birth…but I have cleaned up a bit for regular appointments.
Oh, and for some reason, I prefer to have a woman doctor still for regular exams, even though I loved the male doctor who delivered BamBam…weird.
MommyCosm’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday or Not Quite Softball Weather
February 27th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Oh my, I heard that story on the radio a while ago and I still burst in to laughter when I hear it
Amy’s last blog post..Radio Flyer Pathfinder Wagon
February 27th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
…omg…party barn…not a phrase I will forget soon.
i do make sure i get an early a.m. appointment time to make sure my girly-bits are as fresh as possible.
i do not want to even hazard a guess at how gross some of those overgrown party barns must look/smell *shudders*.
February 27th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
Well, I had a good friend who is an OB/GYN nurse. She told me this…
If the doctor’s are phased when someone farts in their face…and the little old ladies ALWAYS fart in their face, they can’t help it…pubic hair won’t even raise a brow.
Oh, and this friend of mine told me they do a whiff test each time too. To make sure you don’t have something funky going on up in there. They take a whiff of your crotch. No. Lie.
I believe Dr. Hilda. She keeps it real. When someone wrote in about having the ‘roids after kids, she told them to deal with it (paraphrasing also) then linked my blog where I wrote about it. Needless to say, I’m a fan of Dr. Hilda and all three people who came to my blog from that link. ha!
Queen of Shake Shake’s last blog post..Cut. It. Off.
February 27th, 2008 at 7:10 pm
I’d never heard ‘party barn’ before! Luv it! You know, I’m usually more concerned with making sure my legs & underarms are shaved (okay, I still do groom there,too!) because I KNOW they notice if you’ve got scratchy black hairs on your legs, or lift up your arm for a breast check to find a big ol’ ‘fro coming out of your armpit.
I heard the same story/joke, but that she was spraying feminine spray, instead(and it turned out to be her daughter’s glitter hair spray)
Nissa’s last blog post..Quirky ol’ meme..
February 27th, 2008 at 8:27 pm
Thanks for making me pee my pants…um, now I need do get myself all cleaned up : )
Freakin hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!
Melinda’s last blog post..Letter to my darlings
February 27th, 2008 at 8:41 pm
I’ve always wondered the same thing…I know I am fully conscious of it when I go in. Pruning is a must.
Mrs. Mustard’s last blog post..Caution: Wii Pregnant
February 27th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
I HAVE always wondered about this…really…thanks for the insight! Also, I have always loved that story! I think about it everytime I go to the privates doctor!!!
Chanin’s last blog post..My Princess wants to be a Turtle!!!
February 27th, 2008 at 9:53 pm
I’ve often wondered (okay, once a year) what doctors expect. Have you checked out Noble Pig’s blog? She is the wife of an ob/gyn and has some good stories to tell.
February 28th, 2008 at 12:05 am
I love the wash cloth story. I don’t think I could go back to the same doctor after that.
Laura’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: After the Fall
February 28th, 2008 at 2:09 am
So my husband wanted to do the horizontal last night, but I laughed the entire time about your post. He really was confused…
Caution’s last blog post..When a Hug is NOT a Hug: A Mystery
February 28th, 2008 at 9:34 am
I’ve never really cared about what my OB/GYN thinks. After all, when unpregnant, I only see them once a year and when pregnant it’s more about them feeling, not looking.
Although - I did get waxed 2 days before my 2nd & 3rd c-sections because one thing that I learned is that stubble growing in around a c-section scar does itch. They did notice that I had a new wax but I think that is because they are so used to having to shave everyone and they didn’t have to with me.
Mindi’s last blog post..Hypothetically Speaking…
February 28th, 2008 at 10:08 am
I don’t know that I do any EXTRA grooming but I ALWAYS shower a half hour before I go….
BTW, “party barn” is fabulous…I’m borrowing it!!
Qweenie’s last blog post..Everything is better when it’s free….(a Contest)
February 28th, 2008 at 10:44 am
Lol! Here is a funny tid-bit. TMI WARNING! I always make sure I am groomed before I have…one of those appointments…lol, but when I was pregnant with the girls I was sooooo huge by the end of my pregnancy [yes I kept up with it while I was pregos, it is just she checked my cervix everytime I had an appointment from like, 18 weeks on so I felt it necessary, anyway!] that I couldn’t see “it” anymore, lmao, and I am pretty sure by the end of my pregnancy my grooming job was a big mess [because I was kind of blindly guiding a razor under this massive belly]. Ahh yes those were the days. And I too am borrowing “party barn”. Great stuff.
Meagan’s last blog post..Obama, Obama.
February 28th, 2008 at 11:42 am
HILARIOUS!! It’s just like brushing your teeth extra good before you see the dentist!
amy’s last blog post..The Outsider
February 28th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
I had a neighbor once who was an OBGYN and she says that when someone extra ‘hairy’ would roll in they would all joke that ‘President Bush was in Exam Room 2′……You’ll have to come back on this one when you are wearing the MD lab coat.
(You are in school to be an OBGYN, right? PLease, oh please don’t tell me I have someones blog all mixed up?!
TRACI’s last blog post..If I Wear My Slippers Will That Count As Sweeping?
February 28th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
I heard about this post from Melinda and I had to come check it out. Very hilarious!!!
Tammy’s last blog post..CELEBRATING LIFE
February 28th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
LMAO, This could happen to any woman…When you are an OBGYN, I am sure they have seen everything…and then some!
Jules
Jules’s last blog post..Bueller, Bueller, Bueller
February 28th, 2008 at 10:56 pm
I’ve reached the magical age of don’t-give-a-shit, so sometimes I go to the doctor and I don’t even shave my legs. I do have a friend who was mortified when her ob-gyn said, “Are you always this hairy?” but then that’s a legitimate question because maybe she was dealing with a thyroid problem, right? Eh, I say don’t-give-a-shit is the way to go.
Groovy Mom’s last blog post..A Picture Essay
February 29th, 2008 at 1:04 am
Great post! You are a terrific writer, but I’m sure you know that.
Um yeah I totally think about how it looks to doctors, but it usually is OK because I do have a boyfriend to keep it up for. I DO worry about cleanliness. Also, one of my girl friends is in beauty school and waxes me and I make sure to be especially clean for her.
February 29th, 2008 at 7:19 pm
You know I always wondered/worried about that. Just to be sure, I “groomed” before I went in to be induced with the Poose. Is that too much info?
Blog Hopping
Muffin Top Mommy
‘cuz I’m the mommy, that’s why’s last blog post..Freaky Friday - Kitty Edition
February 29th, 2008 at 11:08 pm
Great post. Actually my gyno is a really nice older man. But he has a daughter my age and I’ve always wondering if its against the law or something to be your daughters gyno.
March 1st, 2008 at 12:05 am
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March 20th, 2008 at 12:35 am
Hahaha, glitter!
I don’t care what state my hair is in, as long as I am clean and fresh. I worry more about the smell. TMI? tough. You asked for it, kinda. Well, you opened yourself up for it at least.
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April 9th, 2008 at 5:12 pm