Under Pressure
- May 26th, 2009 11:33 pm
Please note that I do not think I am a parenting expert of any sort. But I am a human being, and when things are unacceptable, they are unacceptable:
Today I judged cheerleading tryouts for a group of young girls at a nearby school. As a semi-jaded adult, I had forgotten what it was like to be so thrilled about an idea that you were emitting glittered excitement from your pores. That was the case today. The girls were trembling. They were reviewing their arms motions and chatting back and forth. They were excited. I was excited for them.
As the parent of a four year old, I have thus far had the pleasure of not encountering extreme pressure parents. You know the sort, the ones that go beyond encouraging their child. They just pressure, pressure, pressure until the child loses their shiz completely. They do it until the child no longer has passion for the activity. They do it until the child either LOATHES the activity or is so nervous about doing it that they nearly have a seizure when the idea arises. I witnessed it first hand today.
A cute freckle faced girl* entered the room for her try out. Her hair was placed in neat and high pony tail. Her outfit was clean. Her smile was, at first, quite large.
She began going through her cheer and suddenly freaked out.
” I can’t remember the words,” She said. Her nostrils were trembling. She was nano seconds away from the ugly cry.
“It’s okay. Just do your best. You can do it.” I told her.
She contemplated it for a while.
“I can’t,” she finally said. “And if I don’t, my mom is going to get so mad at me. She’s going to yell at me. She kept yelling at me last night when I couldn’t remember the words. She says she’s going to be really upset with me if I don’t do this.”
She began chewing her cuticles like a meth banger in withdrawal.
“You can start over. You can do it.” I’m all about encouragement. It was sad to see a girl that was earlier enthusiastic fold so easily.
The girl tries again. and again. and again. But every single time she forgot the words or she stopped. All she talked about was the pressure from her mother or how mad her mom would be. I felt like I had accidentally waltzed into a 10 year old girl’s therapy session.
She’s just 10, for Seth Rogen’s sake.
The worst part is that it wasn’t just her. If any girl opened her mouth during the tryout to say something besides the cheer, it was about which one of her parents would be mad if she didn’t do a good job. Mad. Not disappointed. MAD. Again, they are just 10. Ten.
To emphasize the point, I should tell you that after the list of girls that made the squad was posted, the parents of some of the girls failing to make the team cornered the coaches at their cars and would not leave. They waited 30-45 minutes for a face-to-face confrontation on why Suzy Jo** didn’t make the team. This is old news to me. My mom was once a coach and following tryouts, our phone rang off the hook for a straight week with parents threatening her. Threatening our family, yeah, I’m serious.
I know parents who were not allowed to attend their child’s baseball games, because they cannot behave in the stands. I’m talking about heckling the other team, either. They were banned for going to the fence and harassing, even screaming and berating their own child. They were banned from the ENTIRE baseball park, because they would publicly cuss their child out over the way they held a baseball bat.
I could never be the pressure parent. NEVER. Knowing that my child would crumble because words I have said would absolutely crush me. Knowing that I was THAT person would crush me. It would crush my daughter, and truthfully, I don’t know how these people do it. Do they thrive on it? Do they know they are doing it? Should they be video taped and then shown the footage in order see how they behave?
The worst part is that I feel like my encounters with pressure parents are just beginning. I feel like as Allie gets older and is more involved in things these parents will slowly but surely crawl out from their caves.
*I can call people freckle face, because I was a freckle face. Just sayin’.
**fake name, of course.
——
I’ve also decided that for the remainder of 2009 I will only use song titles or lyrics and my titles.
May 26th, 2009 @ 11:54 pm
I can’t stand parents like this. Its so humiliating and damaging to their children and just plain selfish on the parents parts.
I love using song names/lyrics as titles, but I don’t think I could do it everyday, that’s quite a challenge. I wish you luck!
Rachaels last blog post.."You Guys Want Some Cookies?"
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May 26th, 2009 @ 11:57 pm
You don’t even want to get me going on this subject. G plays football and I’m dreading it. I love watching him play, but I can’t handle the parents… I could tell you things that would curl your eyebrows. I make a point to tell him it’s up to HIM if he wants to play and I make sure I tell him after every game what an awesome job he did. I go out of my way so that I’m not one of THOSE parents. I don’t understand some parents. I really don’t.
Sammanthias last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts: Apparently The Coal Miner’s Daughter Was Sort Of A Slut
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May 27th, 2009 @ 1:23 am
That is just sick and sad. Makes me feel like mother of the year.
dysfunctional moms last blog post..Weekend Wrap-Up 5.26.09
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May 27th, 2009 @ 6:48 am
I’m so with you on this one. As a teacher, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen this. It’s such pathetic behavior.
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May 27th, 2009 @ 6:58 am
Yes, I am with you too! I really just can’t understand what is going on in these parents’ heads! Those bright little eyes need encouragment and love to do their best.
Thank you so much for posting about my print fromThe Light Garden on babble. It was such a thrill to see it there.
Veritys last blog post..Making Mondays: Our little wooden fruit crate garden
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May 27th, 2009 @ 7:42 am
I used to coach a U10 soccer team and I know – I KNOW – what you mean. I really, REALLY felt sorry for some of those kids.
lceels last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – Warbird
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May 27th, 2009 @ 8:16 am
Makes you wonder what it is that those parents missed growing up that that have to live it through the activities of their children. Or they are just control-freak assholes who care more about appearances than having their children actually be involved in and enjoy something. So sad, really.
Maggie’s Minds last blog post..A Tuesday Re-Cap
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May 27th, 2009 @ 8:32 am
It’s so heartbreaking that parents do this to their children. My mom always pushed me to do my best and in some ways maybe she was a little bit of a “pressure parent” (she was also my coach so….) but she always acknowledged my efforts and never got “mad” at me if I didn’t do good. Allie is really lucky to have a mom who understands the perils of too much pressure. Rest assured that one day she is going to be really grateful for it.
Jens last blog post..My Monkey
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May 27th, 2009 @ 8:51 am
That is so sad. Maggie already said what I was going to say. I know parents want more for their kids but that kind of pressure is ridiculous. You wonder how these people look at themselves in the mirror each morning.
ReformingGeeks last blog post..Memorial Day, Construction Notice, and Open Letter
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May 27th, 2009 @ 9:28 am
Seventeen kinds of wrong.
The rule in our house, when Shortman was playing soccer, was we were NOT allowed to say anything from the sidelines until we had played the game ourselves. (Yes, we made the rule…)
I played for 8 straight years. Mr. Hot played for 8 years AND got his referee’s license AND coached. One thing we noticed is that the parents who did the same as us, never ever criticized from the sidelines.
I don’t guess it would work well with cheerleading parents.
Rees last blog post..I remember 3rd grade. I got past it.
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May 27th, 2009 @ 9:36 am
Thank you for stopping by my site!! I have seen these parents too, my dad used to coash or ref school or church games and it seemed the parents at the church games were most intense! Crazy, I know! LOL
Courtneys last blog post..Thought of the Day
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May 27th, 2009 @ 11:22 am
Stuff like that just breaks my heart. I remember being in my own cheerleading tryouts and LORD was it intense. There is so much pressure from everywhere else, thank goodness I didn’t feel it from my own mom. What is WRONG with these parents? GEEZ.
And I know all about the posting of the tryout list- I helped judge for a friend of mine who coached for a few years, and we were given specific instructions to RUN TO OUR CARS once the list was posted. It gets ugly. These parents need slapped upside the head.
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May 27th, 2009 @ 1:04 pm
I see that all the time, and it makes me soooo furious! Kids need to be kids, and dammit, if they suck at something, LET THEM SUCK. That’s how they learn.
On a related note, I just crossed paths (on Facebook) with a girl in high school who was one of those perfect people… always was the best at every sport, captain of the cheerleading squad, homecoming queen, you get the picture. And what is she doing now? By the looks of her picture, EATING A LOT.
I’m glad I was a late bloomer.
Andis last blog post..May Daring Bakers Challenge
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May 27th, 2009 @ 1:38 pm
When I Think About You, I Touch Myself.
(I’m going to use song titles for all my comments for the remainder of 2009.)
Avitables last blog post..The one where I get shot
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May 27th, 2009 @ 2:17 pm
Right on. Can all us laid back not assholery parents all move to the same school district?
Burgh Babys last blog post..Oh, I Went There . . .
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May 27th, 2009 @ 2:58 pm
This is so sad. Torsten’s parents were like this to a much lesser degree, and it already pisses me off. It’s so horrifying to see parents who go to such extremes.
Jesss last blog post..CHEESE. And other solid food.
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May 27th, 2009 @ 3:56 pm
My son has been in sports since he was 4. He is now 17. From what I have seen the parents chill out as the kids get older. We had some really over zealus coaches and parents.
One time my son was pitching in practice (trust me is in NOT a pitcher!) was trying to throw a kid out at second and nailed him in the back. The kid went down. All of the other parents were and kids were concerned for the child. His dad was screaming at him to get up and not be a “P”…. cat…….
Later that year we were at nationals and my son was picked to participate in the bunt challenge. He started screaming at him and telling him your suppposed to be bunting. I chewed him out and he never spoke to another kid like that on our team or to his own son in front of me anyways.
Great post. A sad post but, at least you brought a tough subject to light.
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May 27th, 2009 @ 4:01 pm
That’s insane. These girls are 10 and their moms are going postal over a cheer? They are like stage moms, which are god awful. My kids are too young for me to have any experience with this, but I really hope I never come across any!
ashs last blog post..Sweet Summer Time
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May 27th, 2009 @ 4:13 pm
That’s crazy! I’ve seen it too and it burns me–what do they think they’re teaching their kids? I always try to encourage my kids to try different things, but who’d want to to or dare to even try when there’s parents out there that wil yell at them for not being perfect?!
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May 27th, 2009 @ 4:14 pm
Oh! That’s kind of horrible . . . I know parents hope that their kids do well, but shouldn’t you wish the kids do well at something they want to do, not the parents? Shouldn’t they build their confidence and self esteem when they do well, and tell them they did their best and were awesome when they do less than well?
It kind of reminds of when I went to a soccer game at UCSB (It was the only sports game I’ve ever been to in the states) and I was kind of shocked at the type of cheering there was. Perhaps it’s just me, but in New Zealand you cheer encouragement for your side, but you don’t boo or insult the opposition (it’s considered bad sportsman ship). But at that soccer game there was ONLY boo-ing, and screaming insults at the other team. It was kind of scary and I left half way through because it was so horrible.
Tangent aside, I think it’s really brilliant that you were all about the encouragement, I’m glad someone is
Ellys last blog post..Fridge Magnet Poetry
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May 27th, 2009 @ 5:41 pm
I think it’s just horrible. That kind of pressure should never be put on kids. So sad!!!
I’m going to be checking to see if you only use song titles
of course, now I’m humming ‘Under-Pressure’
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May 27th, 2009 @ 7:31 pm
Parents like that make me crazy. I dealt with some of their type when I was a PRESCHOOL teacher. They made my life hell.
“I want my child to be ready for kindergarten. You aren’t teaching him anything! Why can’t he READ?!!!!”
“Um . . . because he’s four?”
Staceys last blog post..Secrets
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May 27th, 2009 @ 8:26 pm
I had a similar experience at a martial arts competition once. The little girl couldn’t have been 5. It broke my heart. These are kids for crying out loud.
Tara R.s last blog post..Drugs, sex, drinking… just do it!
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May 27th, 2009 @ 8:31 pm
My oldest daughter is 13 and cheered for four years. This is the first year we haven’t done it. It’s not the sport or the time….we didn’t mind those. It’s not the girls, they’re usually great.
It’s the parents. Cheer parents are THIS CLOSE to being PAGEANT MOMS! UGH! We are just done. We will do gymnastics and basic tumbling, but we just may be finished with cheer. It’s sad, really. That’s what my perky, awkward girl is best at. But the pressure from the other parents is just too much. And this is a REC LEAGUE, PEOPLE!!!
Leann I Ams last blog post..Black Eyes and Incredible Growing Puppies
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May 27th, 2009 @ 9:28 pm
Ugh. THe school where I work has a large population of wealthy children and I swear, every year, those parents are the ones who come up to school, raising hell when their kids don’t make the talent show. I am thanking my lucky stars that we don’t have a cheerleading squad.
Ginas last blog post..Just to clarify….
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May 27th, 2009 @ 10:09 pm
I think that you’re doing song titles or lyrics for your titles is awesome!
And cheerleader/pageant type moms are CA-RA-ZY!
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May 27th, 2009 @ 10:42 pm
Yeah, some of the soccer parents are CRAZY. I thought one day there was going to be a boxing match between the coach, a ref, and a parent. Dude. It’s. Just. A. Game.
lisas last blog post..While I Am In Bed
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May 28th, 2009 @ 9:16 am
As a product of parents who simply didn’t care one bit, I try my damndest to make sure my kids know I think they’re wonderful in all that they do. Parents who belittle and berate their children sicken me. We haven’t reached that stage where Pressure Parents have been an issue. But I’ll say this….I’m terrified to put my daughter in dance b/c of the crazy dance moms out there.
I feel so bad for those little girls. I really do.
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May 28th, 2009 @ 4:40 pm
That is so sad. These idiot parents have no idea what damage they’re doing. At least, I have to believe they don’t because if they did, then that just makes them heartless bastards.
BTW, my son just played baseball for the first time ever at the age of 4. FOUR! And wouldn’t you know it? There were dads there who were living vicariously through their sons, yelling and sighing and throwing their hands up in the air in disgust when they’re FOUR YEAR OLD didn’t make the play. Yeah. Took everything in me to not regress back to my teenage days where I would have never hesitated to have walked over to those assholes and junk punched them.
Undomestic Divas last blog post..You so funny
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May 29th, 2009 @ 11:46 pm
This makes me SO sad.
I have seen this first hand through the years with my brothers & sister, and their sports. And I experienced it first hand in show choir, yes, show choir of ALL places. you would not BELIEVE the pressure that parents put on their kids to sing, have the solo, play the piano, etc, etc…
<–sighs
Heathers last blog post..Mid-Twenties
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May 31st, 2009 @ 12:51 am
I used to be friends with a woman like this. She thought it was totally acceptable to tell her child that she was better than everyone else IN FRONT of other children AND their parents. And pushed her to be what she perceived she should be.
Fast forward to now. Her daughter is nearly 18. And she despises her mother and does everything and anything to get back at her. Including being expelled from the most expensive and prestigious school in a hundred mile radius. Giving BJ’s to boys in the school yard.
I wish these woman knew what they were doing to their childrens self esteem.
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June 1st, 2009 @ 2:32 am
Ah, yes. Those parents. And then there are the other parents who drive me crazy, as exemplified in the latest edition of Adventures in Bookselling: http://thebookladysblog.com/2009/05/20/just-call-me-nancy-botwin-adventures-in-bookselling-v-15/. (They’re all funny, but I’m talking about the second to last adventure.)
Jenas last blog post..Random Complexity Writing Challenge (May)
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June 1st, 2009 @ 4:48 pm
My son is 10, and he has one child in his class who’s mother is horrible. This woman is so bad that she came to the school screaming at the teacher because she gave her son homework and he wanted to do that rather than football practice.
I’ve played sports from the time I was 5 and I am very thankful my parents weren’t like that, but one year we had this father that decided he’d be the pressure parent to every child on the team. He’d stand right there where the batters warm up and tell us it all rested on our shoulders, that if we didn’t do whatever, then we screwed up any chance for our team and we mind as well just stop playing now. Thankfully the parents finally complained enough they banned him.
I can’t imagine ever doing anything like that to my child.
Samanthas last blog post..Back to a routine
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June 1st, 2009 @ 9:34 pm
As an ex-Little League player agent and the parent of 2 boys who played high-school and select baseball….I feel ya. Some parents are insane! There was one guy who I had to talk to because he was screaming at his 10yo(He’d been all Zen with his older son). He threatened to physically harm all 5′4″, 125lbs of me, if I did not “get out of his face. Oh if I were me now back then(7 years ago) I would have called the sheriff on him.
Instead of nursing I thought about teaching, then I realized the parents would drive me to the nutbarn in 3 weeks. Patients are much nicer overall.
JaniceNWs last blog post..If You Could Read My Mind………….
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June 3rd, 2009 @ 12:34 am
Oh that just hurts to even read…poor kids.
Geeez, we have enough time to learn failure isn’t the end of the world, can’t we just let them be 10 for a while?
Anissa@Hope4Peytons last blog post..Rice and Buttons
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June 3rd, 2009 @ 1:33 am
Yup, same way in hockey up here. At least, that’s the only sport my bro and friends played in and there was a ton of parent pressure on the boys in the top teams. I’ve witnessed many Dads and Moms, even, get kicked out of games.
Sadness.
Huckdolls last blog post..Gush
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June 3rd, 2009 @ 9:22 am
HO.LEE.SHIT.
I’m in shock.
maggie, dammits last blog post..my dog died.
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June 3rd, 2009 @ 3:06 pm
sports are supposed to be about fun for the kids you know? this makes me so sad for them! let them be little and not care about if they are perfect!!!! gah!
bekahs last blog post..Men At Work
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June 4th, 2009 @ 4:21 pm
Did you let that little freckled white girl on the team or not? What I would have did is to tell her to get packing b/c Ms. Rondell Jenkins don’t have the time to be messing with no bullshit. If they was like a bunch of little bitches backstage waiting to try out then I wouldn’t have no extra time for Freckles.
This reminds me of my neighbor girl little Denoshie. She had to work her ass off trying to get a modeling career, especially since she tip the scales at 220. There was a lot of people telling her she couldn’t do it but she kept on trying. Thank god for the good people at X-Salon who saw some potential in her! It just goes to show that when you get knocked on your ass, you got to get straight back up!
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August 10th, 2009 @ 12:03 am
Jeez. I can’t handle those parents either. I refuse to be one. I just want me kid to have fun, be happy, and enjoy herself. It makes me think of that show on A&E or whatever called Toddlers and Tiaras? Isn’t that what it’s called? Little girls younger than ours, being little pageant queens, and their moms are BATSHIT CRAZY. It’s one thing to want the best for your kid, it’s entirely different to EXPECT your kid to be perfect.
Danielle´s last blog ..A spot in the shade
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