Say it ain’t so
- January 12th, 2009 4:21 am
Once upon a time, I loved writing blog entries for this website. Rambling on about the laundry taking over my house or my crazy relatives was like clearing my head. After I finished writing an entry, it felt so nice. Sort of like the nice you experience when you dip into a hot bath in a deep tub. It just sort of soaks you up while managing to feel cleansing and comfortable.
To be honest, it hasn’t felt so good lately. It doesn’t feel like the fresh breath of air that it used to be; no longer a way to clear my head. It no longer feels like as much of an outlet. Sometimes it feels like pressure, like a job. Like when you’re a kid and your grandma tries to make you kiss your great Aunt that has a mustache, on the cheek!! And the whole time, all you can do is stare at her creepy mustache knowing good and well that it should NOT be there.
Really, I used to have lists of things about which I would write. Post-it upon Post-it. My Google Desktop To-Do list was filled with ideas. These days I drain my brain about things to write, because this place seems empty, like a desert lacking cacti or the movie theater during a shitty matinee featuring Tara Reid.
The whole shebang started as somewhere I recorded my thoughts. Stories about my marriage. Memories about/with my daughter or my husband or both. Laughter and pictures.
After all, I was never the scrapbooking sort. There’s too much glue, scissoring and bullshit in it for me. There’s no way I can give each page in a book a different theme without managing to get my fingers stuck together at least once or ten times. (No offense.) But I’ve always been the sort to write memories down. So it only made sense.
Sometimes hitting the the Publish button felt so great.
Lately, it hasn’t. And to be honest, that makes me quite sad.
I’m not sure what it is. Maybe it is the emails and comments that I never have enough time to reply. People being hostile with me, because I didn’t reply to them in a speedy manner. Truthfully, I never have enough time to visit all of the blogs that I like to read and comment on or find new blogs. At some point, between fun and not so fun, it all started feeling like a job.
I’m not saying I want to stop–I don’t. I most definitely do not want to stop. But I do yearn for writing for this website to feel fun again. To feel cleansing. To laugh at what I write. To know someone else is laughing. I want clicking the Publish button to feel good.
If I were a gas tank, I think I would be cautiously teetering toward empty. Thinking about being empty and being empty in the future, but really and mostly wanting to be full again.
I suppose the only way to feel great about hitting Publish again is to go back to basics. To posting about the smell of my daughter’s red curls without feeling like a total sap. To stop worrying about what email or rude comment I will get if I say something someone doesn’t like. To laughing off negativity. To reading blogs I love. To posting about my hectic childhood. To not giving a flying Ferrari, really. To using the f-word and dealing with the spam instead of throwing out lame words like Ferrari instead.
fuck. fuck. fuck.
I think that’s how I’ll do it. I’m not sure how else to go about it. Because to me, this no longer feels like the eDiary I never had. And I’d like it to. I need writing here to be an outlet for me again. I need to love it. I need to enjoy ti. I just need it, period.
January 12th, 2009 @ 5:02 am
First of all, thank you for putting Weezer in my head at 2am. Second of all, dood, don’t worry, be happy. You know what some people do? They haitus. They get guest posters and they sit back and they do fuck all and they take a blog-cation. Or, you could be much more fun and keep posting and seriously, don’t read anyone else. Don’t reply to any comments. Don’t do anything but write, when you wanna write. That’s an altogether different kind of hiatus, but seriously, if people are going to be rude to you for not emailing them back after their attention seeking on your diary, then eff them. (I totally censored, just for your spam filter)
Zoeyjanes last blog post..On Drawing the Line
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January 12th, 2009 @ 5:43 am
Seriously? People get mad because you don’t respond to them quickly? What the heck?! And why did I not know you have a redheaded daughter?
Never ever feel compelled to respond to any of my comments. Life’s too short. And don’t stop writing just what’s inside you. But you knew that.
Fleas last blog post..Happy Anniversary to Us!
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January 12th, 2009 @ 6:45 am
i am always super glad i don’t have any readers, because i’m afraid of this! good luck!
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January 12th, 2009 @ 6:53 am
This blog is YOUR blog – and you have to have fun and enjoy it…and feel good about everything and anything you blog about – so, do what is best for you…I really enjoy reading your blog and can so relate to you – so, I hope you keep posting, but if you do not…then I will feel good about having shared some time and met a new internet friend! Good luck! Stay true to yourself.
Lauras last blog post..Princess Diva Jigga Jumps!
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January 12th, 2009 @ 7:24 am
What Zoeyjane said. It’s your blog, go with what feels right. Anyone who doesn’t agree can suckit.
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January 12th, 2009 @ 7:41 am
I’m glad that you’re going to keep writing, especially since I just found you.
But I know what you mean about dealing with the negativity. I’ve only been blogging myself or about six months and got my first negative comment recently. I couldn’t believe it – why would people write something nasty? Why not just move on to another blog if they don’t like it? So I know how you feel – it’s to forget those comments and move on.
Anyway, for what it’s worth, I think your writing is fantastic and I’m glad you’re going to stick around for a while!
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January 12th, 2009 @ 8:17 am
I enjoy reading your writing, so keep up the good work!
ds last blog post..plumb outta thoughts
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January 12th, 2009 @ 9:00 am
I’m not sure how long you’ve been blogging, but I know it’s longer than I have. And I know it must at times feel like an obligation to keep up, or come up with something witty or try to get around to others’ blogs.
I say take a break…we all run out of creative juices every now and then.
And the blog should definitely be about what you want and be a tool for your stress-relief, but we all want to please others and get good feedback, it’s just natural.
I enjoy your blog, so I’m glad you’re not quitting!
Rheas last blog post..Ghost Mermaids want to Possess Your Soul
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January 12th, 2009 @ 10:20 am
Amanda, I have always enjoyed reading you. And even though I have made it a personal goal to cut my ‘list’ down to those who respond in kind on my site, there’s one or two I’ve held on to because I want to. Like this one. Like you. Just because.
Tell it like it is. Do what you have to do to make it fun and exciting again. I, for one, look forward to whatever you do.
lceels last blog post..100 Word Challenge – March
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January 12th, 2009 @ 10:23 am
You need to remember why you enjoy writing here? Is it to please other people, NOPE. So, don’t sweat the rude people and mean comments. Ignore them and just be you.
Ashlie- Mommycosms last blog post..Closing in on HER…
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January 12th, 2009 @ 10:44 am
Don’t write for us. I love your blog! Even though I mostly lurk – I never miss a post. But it’s not for me or anyone else- this is for you. No one has the right to get mad about what you post on your site.
Hope you don’t give up!
Amys last blog post..what do you think?
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January 12th, 2009 @ 10:54 am
Amanda, I love your blog and the only thing I would change about it is for you to love it again too. Post when you want about what you want and let the fuck flag fly!
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January 12th, 2009 @ 10:54 am
Thank. Goodness. It’ll be good to have “you” back!
Burgh Babys last blog post..Lots of Sighing Going On Around Here
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January 12th, 2009 @ 11:09 am
It’s easier said than done, but screw the whiners. I come and read and don’t always comment, but you have great things to say, fun stories to tell, and I hope that you feel more at home in your own place again soon. I’ll be reading.
Maggie’s Minds last blog post..Show Me Yours?
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January 12th, 2009 @ 11:39 am
I think writing is something that comes when it wants to and can’t be forced without it feeling forced. Generally speaking, I’d much rather wait a week for something someone enjoyed writing than read something that was squeezed out like the last bit of toothpaste (I was going to go for a constipation reference but decided not to!)
Like gifts. Aren’t the best ones the ones that you give because you want to not because you have to?
Oh and throwing in a fuck or two don’t hurt!!
Kels last blog post..Why won’t it snow?
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January 12th, 2009 @ 11:45 am
You do what ever you need to do! Take a break, keep it short, whatever. this new year should be about new beginnings, so go for it!
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January 12th, 2009 @ 1:35 pm
I needs ya. I loves ya. Do what ya gotta do. Ya.
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January 12th, 2009 @ 1:42 pm
Your blog, your rules
Rhis last blog post..Delurk, Delurk Where Ever You Are…
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January 12th, 2009 @ 2:06 pm
I’ve gone through this before…and honestly still do. I want my site to be mine but sometimes I feel pressure from the Interwebs.
Post when and if you want to, how you want to. I know you will.
Angellas last blog post..On Faith
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January 12th, 2009 @ 2:13 pm
amen girlfriend.
a-friggin-men.
rachels last blog post..If I Had Known
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January 12th, 2009 @ 3:01 pm
Do what feels right to you and don’t worry about the negative people. I like it better when a blogger speaks their mind the way their mind works, than for someone to try to make everyone happy, because that isn’t going to happen anyway.
justmylifes last blog post..I just need more coffee.
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January 12th, 2009 @ 3:51 pm
Write for you my dear. Those of of that like your writing, laugh and your stories, and share in your humiliation will still be there to read!
And as for the responding to comments, I can say, you have at least one follower who will not be offended if you never find the time to respond…I just like to read and laugh!
bekahs last blog post..Photo of the Day
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January 12th, 2009 @ 5:02 pm
You should get mad at us for not reading your blog posts quickly enough…turn the whole damn thing on us. For God’s sake…this is America!!!!!
morethananelectricians last blog post..OCD? ADHD? I don’t know.
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January 12th, 2009 @ 5:12 pm
Honestly I feel no obligation to reply to comments on my blog unless people specifically ask me a question. If this means you won’t come back and read me again, so be it. I don’t send “Thank You” note either *gasp*
So it suprises me and weirds me out a little when people send me an email to reply to the little nothing comments that I sometimes leave to let you know that you moved me enough to click on the link and show I care.
From the rss lurker….
MammaBugs last blog post..Major Heatwave
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January 12th, 2009 @ 5:44 pm
Okay, so I love reading blogs. But I don’t think I’ll ever be invested enough to take blog-commenting so seriously as to be hurt for lack of a response.
Write when you feel like it, and I’ll read you. Don’t write when you don’t feel like it, and I’ll wait.
Sadias last blog post..Overheard 4
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January 12th, 2009 @ 6:09 pm
I became bitter the first time I received a negative remark and deleted it immediately. In fact I’ve said over and over that my words are my own, you don’t like ‘em, don’t read ‘em because I definitely censor my ‘comment’ area. If that helps, go for it! Delete me first!
Write when you need to, we’ll wait …
Jodys last blog post..Mrs. S
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January 12th, 2009 @ 7:12 pm
Whatever you need to do, do it. Just don’t stop writing! You’re an amazing writer and I love reading your blog. But I do agree- sometimes it feels overwhelming and like a responsibility, rather than something fun. I’ve taken quite a few mini-breaks (some announced, some not… and some just a few days from the Blog World) and it really did help me get back to basics and why I started in the first place.
Jens last blog post..one down, two to go.
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January 12th, 2009 @ 7:25 pm
Post It notes…they are my filing system and To Do lists as well! Have you seen the movie Bruce Almighty? Great scene with him covered in Post It notes!
robert verennas last blog post..Cherry Creek North
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January 12th, 2009 @ 7:31 pm
Sometimes I feel like the biggest bloggy bitch because I just can’t get it all done. I love to read other blogs, but I have to have time to write mine. I love to get comments …. but commenting on others sometimes becomes a chore. What a hypocritical bitch! Yes? I find myself lurking around a lot … if they don’t know I”m reading, they won’t get mad if I don’t comment and blah, blah, blah ……!
Someday maybe I’ll find a good way to balance it all?!
Twenty Four At Hearts last blog post..Calling All Couch Potatoes
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January 12th, 2009 @ 7:35 pm
Don’t worry about what we (your readers) think. This is YOUR blog, make it whatever you want it to be.
I’ll be here
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January 12th, 2009 @ 9:44 pm
You gotta do what it takes to make it worth it, Amanda. And, you say fuck if you need to. We love you just as you are.
Anglophile Football Fanatics last blog post..An Open Letter to Mr Cheese
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January 12th, 2009 @ 9:46 pm
Write whatever you want. Blogging isn’t about other people. It is about you.
If you don’t feel like writing, take a break. The rest of the time write what you want.
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarahs last blog post..Do You Know What Day it Is?
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January 12th, 2009 @ 9:59 pm
I’m glad.
Marias last blog post..I love the internet more than my husband.
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January 12th, 2009 @ 10:40 pm
I so know where you’re coming from. I am so not loving posting about my laundry and what I did today… I want something more, but I’m not sure what… maybe I do want that diary type blog since I didn’t do baby books. I can’t make up my mind.
You just better not leave. I need you. LOL
sam {temptingmama}s last blog post..Floating Like A Rock
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January 12th, 2009 @ 11:45 pm
People get mad at you for not responding to them quickly?! These people are not only full of themselves, but plain crazy. This is *your* blog–do and say what you want, and give yourself permission to have fun again!
dianeinjapans last blog post..Please–No Pushing, No Shoving…
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January 13th, 2009 @ 5:16 am
For real… I am sure that there is no need to respond unless you really feel you have something to say to the person. This should not feel like a job to you. I happened upon your blog and I am so glad that I did. When I feel down, I read something you have written and it makes me smile. I cannot imagine people getting angry.. well I can imagine it but seriously, you have a great talent and I hope you will continue to grace the internet with your thoughts… I know I certainly enjoy reading your stories and feel free to use the word fuck anytime. If someone takes offense… then they can read elsewhere.
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January 13th, 2009 @ 11:05 am
I read at some point that bloggers tend to blog themselves dry after … I forgot, was it 6 months? Big difference between the two, but it was one of those. Anyway, statistics pretty much show that most bloggers quit or drastically reduce their output after roughly the same period of time.
I certainly reduced my blogging a few months in. My first blank month was the 7th (or 8th, but I’m picky). That’d put it roughly in line with everyone else.
Then again, I never blogged daily, nor ever wanted to. So now I tend to alternate between phases where I blog semi-daily, and phases were I don’t update at all.
If you go by my experience, you’ll probably slow down a little, but have periods in which you blog with the same enthusiasm as previously
unwesens last blog post..SPAM Again Believer
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January 13th, 2009 @ 11:42 am
I think there’s a lot of this going around. My posting has slowed to less than half what I used to do. Just not much to write about, the holidays are over, things are back to normal. The cold sucks, spring is a million years away. I think it’s just a lack of sunlight, the days are starting to get longer though.
Camerons last blog post..It’s Time For A GIVEAWAY
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January 13th, 2009 @ 12:16 pm
I understand. This is the reason I have no clever blog name under my comments. I love to write my feelings, but I got really tired of people disagreeing with my feelings. Hey, aren’t they MINE? So, I stopped writing. I don’t want you to stop either. But you should be happy about what you’re writing and screw the people who don’t like the f-bombs and bikini pictures of your little girl. (I, too, have bikini pics of my little girl…I’m raising a skank…didn’t you know? *sigh*) At any rate…it’s about Amanda…not about the people who read your stuff…and if they don’t like it…they can piss off…and you can tell them I said so. I’m sending you giant hugs from Texas, and wishing you peace and hoping that you feel better soon about your blogging.
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January 13th, 2009 @ 12:36 pm
This too shall pass. Your writing style flows so charmingly across the page that I’m certain that the joy will come back and you’ll be better than ever. No wonder your blog is featured on the CommentLuv page. I couldn’t pass up your “I’m a big pile of awesome”. Just went back there to give you a thumbsup and shared your post at FriendFeed too. Internet users will always appreciate entertaining bloggers.
Internet Strategists last blog post..Blogging Best Practices: Enabling Your Readers to Subscribe to Comments
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January 13th, 2009 @ 12:55 pm
So I second the idea of a blog-cation; take a break! Or, do exactly as you please without caring what others think…it’s much easier to do online when you can just delete an e-mail here and there. I come here to read what you have to say because it cracks me up, it’s real, who cares if there’s an f-bomb here and there. If people don’t want to read it, they can choose not to visit your page. Like you said, this isn’t your job, so if you lose readers, oh well. Write for you and no one else!
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January 13th, 2009 @ 1:04 pm
Do what you need and want to do. We’ll be here!
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January 13th, 2009 @ 2:41 pm
I SO know the feeling. I hope you get your mojo back.
I’m still searching for mine.
(An idea I’ve toyed with? Closing comments. I know. I KNOW. Crazy.)
Best to you, hun.
VDogs last blog post..Cheddar Bunnies!
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January 13th, 2009 @ 4:23 pm
I COMPLETELY understand.
So, my rules are:
1) I don’t know if/when I’m going to respond.
2) I want to say I don’t care what people think. Honestly, it’s really on the people who know me personally who could take what I say and react that I’d care… ultimately, though, people do care.
I suppose it’s my job as a blogger to either get over that they might be offended or never offend anyone.
Boo. I think I’ll have to just get over it.
Miss Ashs last blog post..prophesies
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January 13th, 2009 @ 8:31 pm
Good luck finding your full. And seriously, those negative people are just jealous because this is still one of the best blogs out there.
Your still my blogging hero.
Cue sappy music.
Mrs. Kittys last blog post..holidays-Mrs. Kitty’s family
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January 13th, 2009 @ 9:01 pm
I totally know how you feel. When I quit blogging (for a day) in September, I realized what I needed to do — quitting helped me realize it. I needed, as my yoga instructor said (in a totally unrelated context — yoga class), “to collapse the structure and gradually rebuild.” So, yes, talk about your daughter’s beautiful hair. Write a post with ONE WORD. Vow not to care about comments (that’s a big one). And, when the pressure builds again, collapse the structure, and then gradually rebuild. AND, go read some funny blogs – it eases the stress…. I hope that helps. It helps me to write it, as my own pressure builds…. (It’s also the time of year….)
Haley-Os last blog post..Mercury Retrograde; and, THE LIST
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January 14th, 2009 @ 9:59 am
Amen. Seriously, AMEN.
Kims last blog post..Maybe we should rethink the 529 College Savings?
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January 14th, 2009 @ 3:55 pm
just write.
amys last blog post.." Yeah but bacon tastes good. Pork chops taste good."
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January 15th, 2009 @ 8:25 am
Love your blog. Love the posts. All writers feel this way at one time or another. I know I do. You need an agent, girl, if you don’t already have one.
Jacques last blog post..Write an anonymous letter to someone in your family.
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