Hers to Give Away
- July 20th, 2008 12:18 am
I wish my mother had walked me down the aisle.
My father did, but I wish my mother had instead.
My mother and father divorced when I was very young. My mother raised me almost single handedly. Sure my father sent the obligatory child support, which I do realize that some do not manage to do. And sure, we saw him two to four times a year. And he called bimonthly. And all of that is another story for another day.
But my mother raised me. My mother, who worked full time while going to school full time to rise above the poverty from which she came, all while raising two children. My mother, who is now very successful. Beyond successful.
My mother, who taught me that I could do anything. And more often than not, I did and still do. My mother, who is fabulous and should serve as a role model for any girl.
My mother .
I suppose if I had it all to do over again, I’d let my mother walk me down the aisle. My mother deserved to give me away. After all, I was hers to give me away.
She stayed up late at night waiting for me when I broke curfew or spent the night out. She calmed me after nightmares. She did all of my laundry until I moved out (without her approval). She clapped for me when I succeeded. She supported me when I failed. She brought me soup when I was sick. She didn’t chastise me when I was nearly twenty and pregnant. She has always supported me whole heartedly without question.
She paid for my big wedding on her own. She bought me my first car. A nice Chevy Camaro that I dubbed the White Princess. She taught me wrong from right. And more often than not, she taught me not to give a damn about what other people thought. She taught me that sometimes right is what you think is right. Not what other want you to think is right.
She worked so hard. She still does.
I hope that one day my daughter looks up to me the way that I look up to my mother. I hope I succeed at encouraging her the way my mother encouraged me. I hope she knows that she can laugh and cry with me. That she can tell me anything.
I am so proud.
And still, I wish my mother had walked me down the aisle.
July 20th, 2008 @ 12:23 am
That’s a beautiful tribute to your mom! She must be one hell of a strong PERSON. Salute!
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July 20th, 2008 @ 12:25 am
Wow. That was a fantastic entry Assy! <3
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July 20th, 2008 @ 12:39 am
Babe, that was beautiful. Your mum sounds amazing. No wonder you because the awesome woman you are having such a wonderful role model.
Sure, she didn’t walk you down the aisle. What 20ft or something? She walked beside you your whole life, physically and in your heart. THAT is what a wonderful mother does.
<3
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July 20th, 2008 @ 12:55 am
I’m fully admitting that my eyes are a little wet right now. Cuz that was beautiful.
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July 20th, 2008 @ 1:05 am
You rock.
I didn’t let my father walk me down the aisle because it didn’t feel right (there are far too many other reasons to list here). He was pissed, but looking back, walking down the aisle with the man I’m spending the rest of my life with was exactly the right choice.
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July 20th, 2008 @ 1:08 am
So awesome that you have such a strong mom who is that awesome. I am sure she knows where she stands in your life, no matter who walked you down the aisle, and that’s what matters. Would have been very cool, though, definitely.
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July 20th, 2008 @ 1:24 am
Gorgeous..I hope your Mum gets to read this and to know how much you care about her
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July 20th, 2008 @ 3:57 am
That was a lovely post and tribute to your mother- If she doesn`t read your blog you should definitely print it and give it to her!!! She sounds like an amazing woman!
I am sure your daughter will grow up to respect, and appreciate you as a mother just as you did yours.
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July 20th, 2008 @ 5:00 am
Your mum sounds like an amazing woman.
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July 20th, 2008 @ 5:38 am
and I PRAY that my daughter writes ANYTHING CLOSE TO THIS someday.
xo xo,
M.
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July 20th, 2008 @ 6:13 am
Amanda you are such a wonderful writer, a top notch blogger and a gracious daughter. Your mom is lucky that you are able to articulate so beautifully so many things that you recognize she has done for you :o) I’d bet a lot of moms probably never get to hear their kids say that they appreciate their efforts and sacrifices. What a wonderful gift to be able to not only tell her what an amazing mom she’s been, but to share your appreciation with the rest of the world? That’s so special.
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July 20th, 2008 @ 6:36 am
What a beautiful wish for your daughter. Your mom sounds like a very strong woman.
July 20th, 2008 @ 6:37 am
What lovely words for your mother. And for your daughter to read someday.
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July 20th, 2008 @ 6:51 am
To echo everyone else so far, this is a beautiful post.
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July 20th, 2008 @ 7:38 am
What a lovely tribute! You sound lucky to have each other!
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July 20th, 2008 @ 7:46 am
Your mom sounds like a wonderful rolemodel. Beautiful tribute. It’s so easy to forget what our parents did for us until the tables are turned.
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July 20th, 2008 @ 7:52 am
I chose to have both my parents walk me down the aisle for very similar reasons. Although I grew up with both of them in the same house my relationship with my mom was much closer and it felt too weird to have my dad walk me down the aisle alone.
There have been so many times in my life when I thought “I hope I’m never like my mother” but I’ve come to realize that in most ways I’d be LUCKY to be like my mother.
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July 20th, 2008 @ 7:55 am
I think if she reads that she will feel the sentiment. And, I asked my mom to accompany my dad down the aisle. She refused but said she loved that I asked.
July 20th, 2008 @ 9:40 am
That was so beautifully said, you should definitely let your mom read that someday
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July 20th, 2008 @ 10:21 am
Your Mom. Thus the reason you are as fabulous as you are.
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July 20th, 2008 @ 11:11 am
That was really beautiful! You’re lucky to have such a supportive and loving mother! I am sure she is so very proud of you, too!
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July 20th, 2008 @ 11:15 am
I really hope your Mom gets a chance to read this. Poignant.
I had a similar situation to yours - my parents divorced when I was 4 and my Mom raised me. My father is a long story that no one wants to hear. When the time came for my wedding, I chose to have him involved, but I decided that they both would walk me down the aisle. It was my way of blending my desires for a traditional wedding with my need to acknowledge my mother. I think it made everyone happy.
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July 20th, 2008 @ 11:49 am
That is a beautiful post!
I hope you shared it with your mom!
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July 20th, 2008 @ 12:14 pm
That’s very sweet. I don’t have anything quite that sweet to say about either of my parents.
July 20th, 2008 @ 1:25 pm
What a lovely tribute to your mom! Did you realize growing up that she was great or did it take until you were an adult to figure it out?
July 20th, 2008 @ 1:29 pm
Your mama sounds like an amazing woman! And I’m sure your daughter will feel the same about you when she’s older.
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July 20th, 2008 @ 1:34 pm
My mother was strong like that too. I miss her.
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July 20th, 2008 @ 2:02 pm
Hi!
My mom is the same way. She’s done most of everything for me, and I freaking worship her, really. (Not really - I am not quite that warped, but I think you know what I mean!) I also hope I can be as good a mom as her. As for you, it seems like you’re doing one helluva job!
Beautiful post.
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July 20th, 2008 @ 3:07 pm
my brother walked me down the aisle. i am adopted so i dont know my biological parents and my adoptive parents did not show up at my wedding…my brother was the perfect choice, i wouldnt change it for the world.
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July 20th, 2008 @ 4:10 pm
What a wonderful tribute to your mom. She’s got a lot to be proud of.
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July 20th, 2008 @ 7:46 pm
Hmmm, believe me I understand your sentiment exactly.
However, and I’m not bragging, I’m a Dad who WAS a Dad every day even though I was divorced.
My ex took my kids and moved from Colorado to Oregon 18 years ago, and I quit my job, had a job in Oregeon in 10 days, and never missed time with them.
I lived 1/4 mile from them for all that time until they became adults.
I feel for you, as my kids and I are as close as kids and a Dad can be.
It’s best illustrated I guess by my daughter, who is 25 (check my blog and you’ll read about her) brought me to tears the other day, by calling me and telling me to download a song. It’s THE song she wants to dance with ME at her wedding, It’s called I Loved Her First by the band Heartland.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myO2e5Td3bg
Your post touched a chord in me, because I’m so glad I made the decisions I did. Bi-monthly is not being a Dad. I didn’t divorce my kids, thank God.
God Bless your Mom.
RM
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July 20th, 2008 @ 8:08 pm
Beautiful.
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July 20th, 2008 @ 8:19 pm
This is amazing, really. Your mother sounds like the person we could all look up to and I love hearing stories about women who rise above and take control of their lives, especially for the benefit of their children!
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July 20th, 2008 @ 8:57 pm
That was very well said. I hope your Mom reads your blog!
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July 21st, 2008 @ 12:46 am
You saw Mamma Mia didn’t you?
I watched it today with a friend and I thought the same about my wedding. Although, It would have to have been my mom and my dad since they are still together and my dad helped raise me as well. But, my mom is my best friend and has been my whole life and I wish that it could have been both…
July 21st, 2008 @ 1:50 am
I completely agree. My parents also divorced when I was young, and I spent so much time thinking of my father as a victim, and not realizing until the past few years that they might have stayed married if he could have pulled himself together enough and stopped drinking and partying. One of my biggest regrets is that I spent so much time feeling sorry for him when I should have been appreciating what an amazingly strong woman my mom was for getting herself out of her situation and being such an amazing role model and raising my sisters and I so well. I completely plan of having both of my parents walking me down the aisle, and maybe if I have the guts to stand up to my dad, just my mom.
Great blog. I just started my new one, so I’ll stop by again soon!
July 21st, 2008 @ 3:07 am
I hope you share this with your mom. My daughter is just beginning to enter the turbulent waters of the dreaded teenage years, and I’m more afraid than she is. She’s amazing. I know right now, even though that teenage monster shows it’s head almost daily now, that she loves me. I’ve been gifted, since she was 4, of being dubbed MomDad. So sad for both of us. I continue to hope, for her sake, that her father will realize that he’s made a mistake in running away from her life (and will also pay that $25,000 + in child support he owes her), but until that time comes I’m so proud to wear the title MomDad. I hope one day she’ll ask me to be the one to give her away (thank God neither of us are ready for that yet).
July 21st, 2008 @ 4:52 am
Sounds like an amazing mom. Moms have such a powerful influence on our lives, don’t they!
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July 21st, 2008 @ 7:58 am
I feel the same. (Maybe that’s why I eloped to Vegas…) When my dad left, my mom went back to school to raise my brother and I. I can remember days of do we buy groceries or do we bay the gas bill. My mom pushed through and made a life for her and for us. I am still, 15 yrs later, amazed at her strength and courage.
July 21st, 2008 @ 9:36 am
This is lovely; I hope my kids have similar things to say about ME!
July 21st, 2008 @ 10:35 am
Beautiful post! I am sure that your daughter will appreciate you just as much.
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July 21st, 2008 @ 10:47 am
You’re awesome! I bet your mom is so proud of the person she raised.
Beautiful tribute. :0)
July 21st, 2008 @ 12:07 pm
A very sweet post - cheers to Mom!
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July 21st, 2008 @ 12:39 pm
Exactly why I didn’t ask my Father to walk me down the aisle, he doesn’t deserve too.
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July 21st, 2008 @ 1:23 pm
So beautiful. So encouraging. I’m sure she knows how much you love her and mean to her.
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July 21st, 2008 @ 2:17 pm
Your mom sounds much like mine! Hooray for all the amazing moms out there!
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July 21st, 2008 @ 2:53 pm
I hope your mother gets to read this. Or at least that you tell her you wish she would have walked you down the aisle. It will mean the world to her, I’m sure.
What a beautiful post!
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July 21st, 2008 @ 7:25 pm
You know I had never thought much about this. My dad walked me down and I adored my dad. He was the world’s greatest…but at the time I remember thinking there was no real place of honor in the whole ceremony for my mom. My mom who is everything to me. So If I had to do it all over again- I would have had BOTH of them walk me down. That just seems right.
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July 21st, 2008 @ 8:12 pm
There’s so much of me and my mom in your story, it’s eerie! I wish my mom had given me away too. I mean hell I got married twice, she could have done it once right?
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July 21st, 2008 @ 8:44 pm
My mother walked me down the aisle on my wedding day, while my father was somewhere in the audience. Just her and I, holding hands. I wouldn’t have changed a thing!
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July 21st, 2008 @ 10:11 pm
I know what you mean. My brother walked me down the aisle and it was a very happy thing.
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July 21st, 2008 @ 10:46 pm
What a wonderful post. I too wish my mother had walked me down the aisle - along with my father. I was too stuck on tradition to think of it before hand.
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July 22nd, 2008 @ 8:18 am
This was a great post.
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July 22nd, 2008 @ 1:15 pm
That was a beautiful post to your mom..
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July 22nd, 2008 @ 11:10 pm
Beautifully written.
Maybe your mother DID ‘give you away’…maybe she chose to give you to your father , so he could have you for that short time, for that short walk down the aisle. I am sure she holds no grudge.
And yes, from all that I have read of your blog, your daughter will be so proud of you, always.
July 23rd, 2008 @ 9:34 pm
Your Mom sounds like the kind of Mother that every woman aspires to be. It was really great to read what you had to say about her as I am jaded and bitter when it comes to parents… in short mine suck donkey balls. Thanks for sharing!
July 24th, 2008 @ 8:10 pm
Maybe you should write your mother a letter sharing this sentiment to her. It may help you capture a moment that is lost, but one that would celebrate who you mother is to you.
July 25th, 2008 @ 1:01 pm
I hear ya. This really spoke to me. My mom did EVERYTHING, too, even though my dad was still involved (not a lot, but sounds like a lot more than yours). Although now, my kids barely know him at all. I think that almost hurts more.
But yay! for your mom, and all the other moms out there that buckled down and brought their kids up right, despite the odds. And I should’ve had my mom walk me down the aisle, too.