The End of An Era: A Break-Up Letter
- June 1st, 2008 12:05 am
Dear Hotmail ,
Listen, we need to talk. I have some very difficult things to say to you. Sit down and get comfortable, because I’m laying it all out on the line. You see, I can’t quit you. But I need to, I have to. You are no longer capable of serving me in the ways that I need. In fact, you are a rather selfish lover. And so, this is it. The end of an era. The end–of us.
I’d like to use the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ line on you, but I’d be lying. It’s totally, completely ,100% you, hotmail. All of my (web) friends talked shit about you to me for years. They tried to steer me away from you and pull us apart by exposing your evil ways. They even claimed you cheated on me with millions of other users. Finally, they introduced me to the new hot piece of meat in my life, Gmail. (Gmail, if you’re reading this, it’s you and me baby. It’s just us now. You +Me = LOVE) I wouldn’t listen to them though, hotmail. You had me snowed. The wool was pulled over my eyes, and I thought you could do no wrong.
Truthfully, hotmail, I thought that you and I were inseparable. You held all of my emails in intricate, organized folders. But at some point, you just quit working for me. You started not delivering mail, losing mail, etc. You just don’t care anymore. And it truly breaks my heart.
You see, you and I, we’ve been through a lot together. I wasn’t even a teenager when I first got an account with you. You accompanied me through puberty, bad haircuts, shitty makeup applications, and the dreaded years in which I typed emails in Comic Sans. Pink Comic Sans. I know, hotmail, I will at least apologize for that part. That was totally my fault.
Looking back, you accompanied me through every toxic relationship I ever had. In fact, you were sometimes a vehicle for communication during said relationships. There were emails (long since deleted) in which one of my high school boyfriends cussed me out for not stopping to say hi to him on my way to the bathroom (in my defense, I had to poop), and you housed copies of my reply back where I told him to go eat shit, because I’ve always been a bit sassy and uncontrollable. My point is: you were home to a lot of interesting things for me.
You helped me write hate mail to the first boy that ever dumped me and make fun of his haircut and call his dog ugly. You sent the drunk, emotional emails I sent in my time of need (which I am a bit sore about, you should’ve known better. you were the sober one!!) Hotmail, you helped me email people with the words I couldn’t say aloud, because I’m often better with the written word.
You were the account from which I first sent replies to the funny surveys my now husband and I would send to one another to fill out.
It was you and me against the world, hotmail. WAS. But I’m tired of it. I refuse to continue giving you attention when you only shun me like that I’m infected with the plague or ran over your dog. I’m not guilty, hotmail. I don’t deserve the way you treated me. I was so good to you. I even loaned you out to my friends and recommended you to them. And what did you do? Treat me like trash.
So this is it. It’s over. Don’t call me, hotmail. Don’t write me. Don’t send me emails about all of the ways you’ve changed with your new features like the ability to make the interface pink. I don’t want to hear it. You had twelve years to prove yourself to me, and all you did throw me around like a ragdoll. eff you, hotmail. it’s over.
And you can keep all of the mixed tapes. I don’t want them. It was good while it lasted. And I’m moving on (I’m looking at you Gmail *nudge, nudge* *wink, wink*.)
Cue the break-up music.
-Your ex-lover user formerly known as mandabran@hotmail.com now known as shamelesslysassy@gmail.com.
PS. Tune in Monday June 2 for an exciting giveaway! Also, this is a temporary design until the new design goes up. Just if anyone was curious. I realize no one was, but still. 
June 1st, 2008 @ 12:18 am
Oh my gosh too funny! I too started with hotmail and hated it. Gmail is great you will love it!
Kelseys last blog post..::Weekend Linkage::
June 1st, 2008 @ 12:54 am
I was wondering about the design. Heh.
Congrats on “moving on.”
VDogs last blog post..The Day BOSSY Came to Town, Part Deux
June 1st, 2008 @ 1:20 am
congratulations on breaking up with hotmail. Don’t tell mine but I have two other favorites(yahoo{my ‘husband’} AND Gmail{my ‘lover’})
though I still hang onto hotmail for sentimental reasons.
Mackenzie’s Mommas last blog post..Parenthood
June 1st, 2008 @ 1:51 am
Nice! I never used my Hotmail account…
I wondered about the design because I missed the pictures… Mine is under renovation, too, to be unveiled on a date to be determined. Must be something in the blog water
Maggie’s Minds last blog post..Weekly Winners Sunday 6/1/08
June 1st, 2008 @ 2:01 am
So effing funny. I think this is where someone should tell you to still use the hotmail acct for shit you don’t really care about - ie those damn babycenter updates ‘your child is 47 months old’ and any site that requires an email that you don’t know if you wanna give it to them.
Zoeyjanes last blog post..Only 33 Inches, But Still Hippy
June 1st, 2008 @ 2:03 am
Um, yeah I can’t quit my comcast but NEED to.
Found you via Pioneer Woman and spit water out all over the place when I read that your hubs ate some ‘beef jerky’. My almost 2 year did that just this morning and the look on her face when she bit into was priceless.
Kandaces last blog post..Solution
June 1st, 2008 @ 2:06 am
Hold on a minute! You can break up with the “so needy you must say hi to me mid-poop” boyfriend but leave the dog out of it!
Dingos last blog post..Waiting for Shakespeare
June 1st, 2008 @ 2:47 am
Am I not supposed to like Comic Sans MS? ‘Cause I totally do.
Jenn @ Juggling Lifes last blog post..A Little Too Close Too Home . . .
June 1st, 2008 @ 4:26 am
Gmail an I are having an affair.
It’s just brilliant.
Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..Guys n’ dolls n’ dollars
June 1st, 2008 @ 5:49 am
Gmail IS awesome. Hotmail is for suckers. That heart is painfully emo, by the way. Nice touch.
Jennifers last blog post..Critters
June 1st, 2008 @ 6:36 am
I use hotmail for signing up for programs that want an email addy from you. I’m a little touchy on the subject of Microsoft and its products. Firefox is the browser to work with. And it works so well with Gmail.
witchypoos last blog post..My Blog Blew Up
June 1st, 2008 @ 7:20 am
I WAS CURIOUS!
and Im in fer a freebie too!
MizFits last blog post..What question would YOU ask Brian Peeler?
June 1st, 2008 @ 7:48 am
I actually DO maintain a Hotmail account. But it’s entirely for junk email - every time I place an online order or have to sign up for something, I direct it to my hotmail account!
Tranny Heads last blog post..Whacked Out Weekend: Crackers!
June 1st, 2008 @ 7:54 am
I have been lurking too long! Love your blog!
“You can keep the mixed tapes” too funny!
Thanks for all the laughs you’ve provided me. Keep up the great work!
June 1st, 2008 @ 8:06 am
Too funny. You will love your new lover, er, email!
And, you’re not the last one. I have a lot of friends who still use hotmail as their primary non-work address!
merrymishapss last blog post..weekly winners
June 1st, 2008 @ 8:13 am
You crack me up!!!!
Wooohooo another contest!
Laura from the Finges last blog post..Scrolling Saturday - I cannot find the words to begin
June 1st, 2008 @ 8:29 am
LOL. You cracked me up. Hotmail is better off as an ex-boyfriend. He wasn’t good for you, you know?
Gabriels last blog post..Weekly Winners #17 - May/25 to May/31
June 1st, 2008 @ 10:43 am
HAHAHAHA….. now that was PERFECT! SO true- that was the way I felt about AOL. Don’t even get me started on THAT relationship!! TOTALLY one side’d
Kalyns last blog post..AWESOME!!!!!
June 1st, 2008 @ 11:19 am
Hotmail really is the devil. Can you believe you were dating the devil? Really?
livs last blog post..
June 1st, 2008 @ 12:54 pm
Thanks for visiting! I’m sorry about your breakup.
I read some of your older posts… Did hubby really eat the dog jerky? I’ve always wondered what it tastes like!! 
Now I know why the dog eats cat shit!! 
June 1st, 2008 @ 1:32 pm
You are hilarious. I still have a hotmail account, but, like you said, it’s a piece of shit. I have a gmail one that I use far more often, and we’re in love too.
kristis last blog post..Twin Peeks
June 1st, 2008 @ 1:33 pm
I’m sorry, but gmail and I are already in a relationship.
To be fair, I had him first.
And, I was curious about your background! I’m about to revamp mine too.
dysfunctional moms last blog post..She Loves Me This Much!
June 1st, 2008 @ 1:35 pm
I must be archaic. I still like comic sans. Is that bad? And, I’m with you. I still have my yahoo account, but gmail just keeps me all hot & bothered.
June 1st, 2008 @ 2:08 pm
I heart Gmail too. I found it a few years ago, back when it was ‘invite only’ by text message.
Sues last blog post..Beauty is in the Eye
June 1st, 2008 @ 2:28 pm
I didn’t realize anyone still used hotmail anymore. Well, anyone other than spammers, anyway.
steves last blog post..Minority Report billboards coming soon to a mall near you
June 1st, 2008 @ 3:27 pm
I never use “OMG” but this warrants an OMG. HERLARIOUS!
A Whole Lot of Nothings last blog post..Photohunt: Self
June 1st, 2008 @ 3:28 pm
Oh my gosh…I totally have a past with pink comic sans too!!
Heathers last blog post..Day 2 In Santa Barbara – The Zoo, Hiking, Room Service and a Movie
June 1st, 2008 @ 4:11 pm
I WAS curious about the design….
Hahaha mixed tapes! love it.
Lisas last blog post..Procrastinators Beware!
June 1st, 2008 @ 5:13 pm
Hi Sassy! I found you through a comment you left over at the MadLands.. Ha! I guess Hubby wasnt lying.. all 1420 hits on my blog ARENT him afterall!
This is the first post of yours Ive read and I am *hooked* on your blog now! Youre *very* entertaining.
Thanks for stoppin by and commenting on my blog..*I TOO LOVE POSTSECRET!!* I think I may post my favorite secret every sunday..stay tuned, and nice to meet you!
~Madness
Madnesss last blog post..Post Secret Sunday
June 1st, 2008 @ 5:55 pm
ohhh, i don’t think hotmail & i can ever break up. I know he’s old fashioned & poorly dressed but like an old sock, i just can’t quit him!
Eve Greys last blog post..Take me away, a secret place A sweet escape, take me away
June 1st, 2008 @ 7:19 pm
oh free stuff. i can’t wait to see what the giveaway is. i hate hotmail. yahoo rocks!
June 1st, 2008 @ 8:28 pm
I love the broken heart. You’ve got some mad paintshop skills.
Jens last blog post..Problem Girl has a contest!
June 1st, 2008 @ 8:33 pm
I like the new color. It’s relaxing. Never had hotmail, but I’ve been with gmail for a year and I love it way more than aol. Thanks for stopping by bloog. It’s my new baby and is bringing me so much joy. You and Dooce are my favorite blogs. (Funny thing is I’m not a mom, but you and I are close in age and sometimes I find new blogs through your comments.) Keep doing the damn thing chica, cause you’re pretty funny.
Tiffanys last blog post..It Had To Be You by Susan Elizabeth Phillips
June 1st, 2008 @ 9:09 pm
I totally was you about 2 months ago. Me and Gmail 4eva! LOL. Oh and love me some contests. Can’t wait!
Mrs. Kittys last blog post..fur baby tears
June 1st, 2008 @ 10:31 pm
I’m proud of you. It’s hard to let the bad boys go. But I’m telling you.. you and gmail are soul mates. Truly meant to be.
the mama bird diariess last blog post..q + a
June 1st, 2008 @ 10:40 pm
I am such a tramp. I use gmail AND hotmail simultaneously. I just can’t lot HM go!
June 2nd, 2008 @ 1:56 am
Very creative post!
I think many of us have been used by hotmail. Just know that gmail has been known to be a bit snooty to his yahoo friends by dumping them in junk mail folders.
Thanks for coming by my blog! I’ll look forward to seeing the new design! New lover. New design. A real makeover!
JCKs last blog post..You look very handsome
June 2nd, 2008 @ 6:48 am
Seems your new lover has got a lot on the side.
Hotmail seems to be only for the Emo’s, gives them something extra to whine about.
Kelleys last blog post..Tiny hands
June 2nd, 2008 @ 9:06 am
I’ve been thinking the same thing about Yahoo.
June 2nd, 2008 @ 9:59 am
argh, Hotmail dissed me a few years ago. Started losing messages from clients and not delivering- UM, NOT GOOD. Gmail all the way, baby.
June 2nd, 2008 @ 10:15 am
I jumped the hotmail ship several years ago…
I also ditched yahoo…
I’ve love gmail…
not with a ‘burning passion’, which is how my 15 year old daughter describes her love for all kinds of people, places and things…
I just ‘regular’ love it…
I think you will too!
Jackie
http://thoughtsfromthedeepend.net
June 2nd, 2008 @ 10:18 am
PS- The woman’s face which is beside my post isn’t me…
Sorry lady…
I haven’t a clue how we ended up together!!
LOL!
June 2nd, 2008 @ 11:08 am
Took you long enough.
Oh and I want the random blogroll plugin info. Damnitt. Gimmie.
Gimmie Gimmie!!
Marias last blog post..‘Dance, Dance’: Sordid Tales of Debauchery
June 2nd, 2008 @ 11:14 am
I HEART GMAIL. It’s awesome! You’ll love it.
Grey Streets last blog post..There’s a light……… (li-hi-hi-hi-hiiiii-ight). *Think Rocky Horror.
June 2nd, 2008 @ 11:17 am
that’s just funny.
carolyns last blog post..Keepin’ it real.
June 2nd, 2008 @ 11:36 am
I’m having the same problems with yahoo…
Beth from the Funny Farms last blog post..Sex is not a bad word.
June 2nd, 2008 @ 12:30 pm
Bwahaha! That is too funny.
Meagans last blog post..Happy birthday!
June 2nd, 2008 @ 2:08 pm
Hahhaha! Im so recommending this post to my BFF. She needs to break up with hotmail like 10 years ago already! Gmail rocks. I especially love your “pink comic sans” part, that is sooo every girl to ever have an email account…
June 2nd, 2008 @ 2:36 pm
Awesome! That was hilarious! I’m thinking about changing to Gmail also.
SherE1s last blog post..Don’t Stop the Body Rock
June 2nd, 2008 @ 3:24 pm
Hilarious!
I dumped hotmail a few years ago too. Gmail puts out more.
June 3rd, 2008 @ 4:40 pm
Goodbye, Hotmail!
Rebeccas last blog post..Home cold home!
June 3rd, 2008 @ 7:21 pm
Wait a minute. You were dating hotmail before you were even a teenager? They didn’t even have cell phones when I was a teenager. Or at least not ones that weighed less than 10 lbs.
And seriously, what kind of mom let you date when you were not even a teen?
Jennis last blog post..Warning: Stereotypical Mom Blog Post
June 7th, 2008 @ 11:27 am
I had to break up with yahoo in the same fashion…it was tough, but Gmail and I have never looked back!
Sarahs last blog post..The Kat Sac Giveaway!!