One Time..I Got Stabbed By A Toothpick
- November 14th, 2007 11:19 pm
Last spring, I was walking through the carpeted (yuck!) living room in our old house picking up Allie’s toys. She had been sleeping for about an hour or two, and I could no longer deal with the toy infested mutiny that was my floor. (Honestly, sometimes I feel like Mario when he’s in the level where you have to consistently hop from mushroom to mushroom in order to survive. Well, that’s survival in my living room.)
Anyway, I guess to really envision how this was working you have to know that when I walk around my house picking things up, I am a speed walker to the third power. With that in mind, I was barreling through my carpeted living room at full speed when all of a sudden I felt a sharp, pinching pain in my big toe. Also, I felt as though I had stepped on something. Either way, I screamed like a rabid hyena. Then, I looked down, thinking to my myself, “hey? I wonder if what I stepped on is still beneath my foot? What the hell was that anyway?”
To my surprise, what I had stepped on, a red toothpick, was not beneath my foot. Instead, it had completely penetrated my big toe. Now, my big toe is pretty wide. It’s also pretty meaty. Stupidly, I tried to pull it out at first. Because Adam was at work and I was home alone. I didn’t want to bother him.
But I did. I mean..it was a toothpick… GOING. THROUGH. MY. TOE!
So I had to go to the emergency room and have it surgically removed, which was funny both then and now. I mean, it’s not everyday you are impaled by a toothpick. I sort of laughed the whole time. The pain wasn’t all that bad. Plus, it sounds like something out of a situation comedy gone awry which seems to follow the ebb & flow of my life as it is.
To make matters worse, the toothpick was the super thick kind that you purchase to actually use for finger foods and such. And it was 100% GOING THROUGH MY TOE!!!
Anyway, the main reaction when I get from this story is DID YOU TAKE ANY PICTURES? And, no, I didn’t. Honestly, while hopping through my house on my non-impaled foot all alone with a sleeping two year old, my digital camera was far from my mind. I did have time to take a picture since I waited in the ER for 6 hours to have it removed.
The second question is usually: why was there a random toothpick in your carpet? All I can guess is that it was wedged in the threads of the carpet. I mean, it was RED for crying out loud. I would have seen it if it hadn’t been hiding in the depths of the carpet just waiting to attempt to become one with my body.
Regardless, since I have no photographic mementos of the short (but super long) period of time that my toe coexisted with a toothpick, I have paintbrushed a small example.
Yeah, that’s pretty much it. Moral of the Story: Toothpicks=evil.
November 15th, 2007 @ 12:25 am
AHHHHHH!!!! That sounds incredible painful…It hurts just looking at your Paint crafted impaled toe. And to sit in the ER for 6 hours? They need a warning label on those little weapons.